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What bait does your N use?
flower:
Hi everyone! It's good to be back.
We have a new hard drive in another computer and hope this hard drive lasts awhile.
My question: What do your N unloving ones use for bait in your life to reel you back in?
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Thanks so much for your insight and support.
It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiates 3:1
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What do your N unloving ones use for bait in your life to reel you back in?
Dawning:
--- Quote ---What do your N unloving ones use for bait in your life to reel you back in?
--- End quote ---
Their attention to me. They hold it over me like a carrot and always have. It is only recently that I haven't been HAPPY to hear from them because...gee...I am getting emails from my mom and dad. But they never ask any questions. They talk about themselves. What they really WANT is attention. It is so obvious now. I am keeping my distance as difficult as it is and as alone as I feel because getting involved in their Nism would stop me from finally assessing what my needs are. And doing something about it.
I have thought of writing them a letter but, as you mentioned several times, they deny everything. They refuse to feel guilt or remorse. Its funny...they've been divorced since 1965 and don't talk to one another but they are both really self-absorbed people. Maybe that is why they hit it off to begin with.
Ellie:
My N parents use threats as their bait.
Since proclaiming my independence from N parents the other day, mine are using a threat to take me to court trying to make me comply with going back to the other me they used to know. In other words, behave the way we want you to or we will take you to court. Their ignorance is showng. But last night I dreamed we got a letter that they were taking us to court to take our children away from us. This is a threat they've used for years. I can deal with their verbal threats when they say them, I laugh at them, but I guess it stays on my mind to keep dreaming terrible things. Of course they have no leg to stand on, but my N dad hates me so for standing up to him, that he would rather see me locked away than give me another opportunity to stand up to him. I just need to get them out of my head!!!!!! Is there a pill to take to make you forget your past?????? I know there isn't, but I am free of the control, now I want to be free of the voices!!!!
Singer:
Hi Flower (welcome back), and everyone,
Over the years my Nmother has used all of the above. She had her doctor admit me for psychiatric evaluation when I was in college because I became so frustrated by her denial of everything except her fantasies that I actually smashed the face of a table clock with my fist out of frustration. I was 20 at the time and after a week the doctor finally told her he couldn’t keep me there because there was nothing wrong with me. I was in college at the time and they had to let me out on a day pass to attend classes. That was fun.
Her favorite bait, later on was holidays and family occasions. She placed quite a bit of importance on keeping up appearances. Didn’t matter that she was on the phone spreading venom between occasions; my sister and brother weren’t supposed to know about that since we weren’t supposed to be talking among ourselves without her permission anyway.
But all that was many years ago. Right now I really think we’d both rather not have anything to do with each other except that she’s old and needs help. And even if she does finally face facts and move into an assisted living environment, the thought of me going on about my business is not acceptable.
So I’d have to say that right now the bait is guilt. She’s driving around with an expired drivers license and when her car wouldn’t start last week she called my brother 800 miles away because she said she couldn’t bother me (living 2 miles away). She rejects everything I try to do for her and tells everyone it’s because I’m always so angry and unpleasant. How she would know that is beyond me; when I called her on the 4th she blasted my sister, her best friend, my nephew, his fiancee, and my brother’s wife for two solid hours. The only times I got in a word was when she’d pause long enough to demand ARE YOU THERE? in between tirades. She got in a couple of shots at me too, I guess so that I shouldn’t feel left out.
So it’s guilt and the fact that I still love and feel sorry for her as bitter, self-absorbed, self-deluded mean-spirited as she is. Maybe I still think she’s like one of the characters in the books I used to love as a kid. Like Heidi’s crabby old grandfather in the Swiss Alps who just needed the love of a child to turn him around. Except in my case she’d probably accuse me of trying to clobber her with a cuckoo clock while her back was turned. She might be right.
Singer
Anonymous:
flower,
Welcome back! Your father has been brainwashed by the woman he lives with. Keep your boundaries against these lunatics.
I believe your parents have zero chance of successfully suing for visitation of your son. For one thing, you and your husband aren't divorced. You get to decide who has access to your children. For another, your son is old enough to decide who he spends time with. No court is going to listen to these nutcases.
In my family, guilt is the major bait and it works really well! :cry:
bunny
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