Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

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Anonymous:
I know how much fun it can be to finally get these crazy people all flustered because their tricks aren't working anymore, but after a while, it becomes a waste of your time. Don't bother with these people. And step back from the conversation as see how unrealistic and self-defeating it sounds to want to use the legal system to get back IN to their lives. Why? So they can kick you around some more? If they want you out of their lives and are threatening to use the legal system (they haven't got a leg to stand on here, it's actually funny) to get you to stay away from them, jump out of that open window and keep running. My Nfather likes to keep his attorney on speed dial and actually sued my husband a few years back for not paying back a $2500.00 loan on his timetable. Nice. :roll:

flower:
Hi Ellie,
 
  I wish my parents would want me out of their lives!

But, it would be hard for me to have them lurking around thinking they could bother me and not listening to me. (Wait a minute, in their own style, that is what they are doing.) I am so sick of the N's one sided take on everything!

Anonymous:
Hummm, I  think that everyone giving you the advise to do yourself a favor and stay away are right.  Thats definately good advise and probably would be for the best. But, I also know that sometimes we are stuck, out of obligation, or habit, or circumstances, or whatever, which require we continue to deal with our N.   My thoughts are he has no legal grounds for anything but that does not mean they dont or won't use or (abuse) the legal system to annoy you. Depending on where you live recording the conversation may very well be illegal. But I would not actually take any legal actions (except restraining actions if your physically threatened).  Threatening legal action right back at him could be effective in making them see how silly they are behaving.  Sometimes going down to their level and "mirroring" their behavior is the only way to get their attention.  However, in general conversation, you should remain completely calm and indifferent.  Don't use the adjectives that you are really thinking.  Your just feeding them. If your that upset about it they are still winning.  You are still supply for them.  I've been practicing refusing to acknowledge anything not presented in a pleasant way and not reacting at all to the things my N does to annoy me.  It is hard but the results have been real encouraging.  He speaks to me more respectfully (because he has to in order to get a response, I refuse to acknowledge him if he don't) and he seems really confused and shocked by his inability to make me respond with emotion.  I find this confused predicament quite amusing, not only do I finally feel as though I'm actually gaining ground, he is on the defensive for a change. And, as a result he his trying new things like being nice and helpful, in his desperate attempts for supply. I aint buying it for a minute it, but I do give some praise to the good behavior, so hopefully he'll keep it up until I get out. My primary advise is accept that you can not change them, they are never going to get it.  But you can change your behavior.  You can change how you respond to the things they do.  And you can refuse to let them treat you disrepectfully, in a nice-matter of fact -nonemotional way.  (Feel all the emotions you have - just don't express them to them - be completely indifferent to them.) Try it - you may be surprised.  I certianly was.

mighty mouse:
Ellie,

I wouldn't bother with anything legal in any way unless it's absolutely necessary. You say your son is 16 1/2...he'll be legal soon, so that's an empty threat. Cussing isn't a legal offence in this day and age...and for that matter I think you can spit on the sidewalk too LOL.

Concentrating on them is holding you back. I know...I've been there. You are shocked to learn that these people don't really care...it hurts. I've heard it time and again on this very board. The question....how/why don't I matter to anyone in the family. Please just let it go. It keeps you stuck. With me, it kept me from growing into the person I needed to be and actually kept me in a child's position. It was time for me to grow up. So I let go and accepted the reality of the situation. I know it takes time to process.

And it will probably get worse before it gets better. I had my NPD sister stalking me for almost a year and it took a year of absolutely NO response before she got tired of berating me. I mean this Dali Lama preaching jerk, Yale and Harvard graduate regressed to a 2 year old state and didn't even seem to be aware of it. These people have so much ammunition it is unbeleiveable (sp?). They can keep coming after you but you must stand firm. Please be firm my dear Ellie. You can do it.

MM

Ellie:
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