Voiceless Hermes

[axa]

Oh Boy could I get off on a rant here.  Impure thoughts............well that was the worst thing of all.  Sadly I was a bit of a slow learner and did not acquire any impure thoughts until my late teenage years..... spent a lot of time trying to figure out what they were though.  Until I finished secondary school I was physically beaten regularily.  My big mouth did it, I just could not keep silent.  Shame was a real weapon of choice in my school.  I had such a sense of shame about being female not to mind anything else.  I had a real sense of being dirty but could not figure out what it was about.  I think now it was linked with being a sexual being - nasty!!!!

I did not learn any values from those women.  I saw them abuse and play out their sadistic games on the most vulnerable.  At one level I was lucky in that I came from a "respectable middle class family" the real victims were those who were from low income families, they were fair game.  I learned that prayers were words that were trotted off and meant nothing.  I listened to sermons on how loving God was and then witness the speaker abuse innocent children with their vitriol.......... really makes me want to throw up still. 

Anyway, my legacy from the nuns was a sense of shame and a determinitation that they would not win........I did become someone, I became me!

Hops,

Got a big LOL here when I read your contribution...... nothing like the venacular in an unexpected forum. 

Axa

[Leah]

Carolyn,

Yes      lost in the mail   

The Ultra Liberalism certainly is a flip side issue, and I sometimes get flack from that too!! 

I just grip onto my dear Bible and try to work out my salvation, knowing, that I am loved by a loving Father, and my Saviour.

But as a girl, I feared thunderbolts and lightening, for just a wrong thought, i.e. coveting a desire for a sweet, however, that is in the past, as I choose not to look back, now that I am healed. 

It was a long healing process, after I was born anew, 2 painful years, to know in my heart, that I was free, indeed.

I was told when I got saved that all my problems were over!!!  Oh boy, they had only just begun!!!  Added to which, my FOO and my marriage.

Thanks.

Love, Leah

[Hermes]

Hello T.T.

Thanks for your post.  No, I am not an American citizen (likely they would not have me anyhow LOL).  I am Irish, born in Dublin, educated in Ireland, but lived most of my life on Continental Europe (as in the mainland).

All the best.

Must get off now, as I shall be travelling all day tomorrow.

[Leah]

Hermes

All the very best for your day tomorrow.

Take care now.

Slan

Leah

[teartracks]

Hello T.T.

Thanks for your post.  No, I am not an American citizen (likely they would not have me anyhow LOL).  I am Irish, born in Dublin, educated in Ireland, but lived most of my life on Continental Europe (as in the mainland).

All the best.

Must get off now, as I shall be travelling all day tomorrow.

Oh contraire, contraire!

America lets everybody in!  Even my ancestors!

tt

[Hermes]

Just to thank everyone for their responses, and indeed for having this thread about my "voice".  Much appreciated.

Hope everyone is doing well today.

Hermes

[Hermes]

Again thank you all for the responses, and for listening to my account of those voiceless years.  I still have some friends (just a few) made back at that school.  And I hears news now and then about some of the others.  It is telling that none of them want anything to do with religion, at least not in its organised form.  I daresay that, like many people here, they have their own beliefs, which they keep to themselves.  When we meet we talk about more interesting and fun things, with the odd story now and then about the more outlandish aspects and experiences in that school.

Best to all
Hermes

[Ami]

Dear Axa,
  Your experience was just horrible.  My heart goes out to you, Axa. It is a  lot of shame and pain to overcome.
                               Love    Ami

[Hermes]

Yes, Axa, I agree with Ami.  It was horrible, and demeaning, and unnecessary.  And all about power and repression.

Hermes