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What are the things, gifts your N gives you?

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Anonymous:
Well don't I feel stupid posting to the wrong topic!!!

Flower :oops:

Max:
Dito my N MIL likes to give junk.  She gave me small cheap dish towels for my birthday one year.  At first I thought she was trying to tell me I should be doing the dishes, then I realized they were just junk she didn't want anymore.  I was supposed to be overwhelmed with gratitude.  Anything she gives is to be treasured.  My Nwife collects and distributes junk from thrift and dollar stores.  

When the Ns grandmother died the NMIL asked if there was anything special that anyone wanted as a keepsake.  Funny - those were the things she then kept for herself.  

Max

Anonymous:
Hi all,

Sadly, I am realizing late in life that my mother is an indian giver.  If my N brother wants me that she already promised me, guess who gets it?  It's really a crappy thing to do.  It always catches me by surprise too because she can be generous otherwise.  But those times when she's everybody's little sister are really irritating and upsetting to me.  :(

NSIL and her H are famously cheap with gifts.  Give you the absolute cheapest version of the cheapest item on your wish list.  And they insist on a wish list.   :roll:  It got to the point where I gave anything they gave us directly to charity.  She recycles gift paper too...if she's sending a "message" you get a present with old baby shower gift wrap.  Like, here's a present you big baby.  Nice, huh?  But they fufill their "obligation".  

Have also been in that situation where you help people move stuff out of their house and they are doing YOU a favor.  Ugh.  Puhlease.  The gift thing drives me wild when I get going on it.  Takes all the spirit out of the whole idea of remembrance, generosity, and appreciation.  

Seeker

ellen:
Oh my gosh! My mom did the same thing! Every Christmas, it would be used paper from gifts she had received. If I commented, I'd be shamed into how I am wasteful, etc., and should be grateful that we have Christmas because poor people in the world never got a toy.

I also got the same treatment when wanting to go to a restaurant as a kid. I was told I was selfish for asking to go to Sizzler because most people could only afford such a thing once a year (we were rich, but I was so brainwashed around age 9 I believed her).

Then my mom did the same indian giver thing. I was promised a trip with her to a spa in Czechoslovakia (this was at age 25, before I began to truly wake up, before therapy). All of a sudden, when there were relatives around her at her house while I was on the phone, she ripped into me for being selfish and too luxurious re: wanting this trip (the whole thing was her idea). She was telling the relatives things I said (but didn't) while on the phone and I couldn't defend myself. I was so outraged, it began my foray into getting help. Especially after she took the trip back and gave it to my little sister along with a 5 star stay in Cannes and Italy!  

How strange it was that she did this so much- promise me something, mock me for it, take it away, and then give it to my sister times 2. It was like a hobby for her, but looking back it was the straw I needed to begin change because it was so blatant. Maybe that plays a role in keeping my pregnancy quiet as well- she would promise god knows what (nanny, etc.) and get off on either my rejection of it (making me stubborn and prideful), or taking it away (making me weak). Ick1

Anonymous:
Hi Seeker,


--- Quote ---The gift thing drives me wild when I get going on it. Takes all the spirit out of the whole idea of remembrance, generosity, and appreciation.
--- End quote ---
 

The gift thing can really get to me too. In my case, Ns in our extended family have pretty much wrecked me feeling good about holidays and birthdays. I stopped celebrating with them about 1995.


In reference to the taking back of promises:

--- Quote ---that she already promised me, guess who gets it?
--- End quote ---


Sounds very familiar...

Reminds me of the time as a teenager that my parents told me that I could pick whichever bedroom I wanted to in the new house we were moving into. I picked the nice one with two windows located at the end of the house. It made me feel good to be given that choice.

Later, I was informed that my brother was going to get the room I picked. It was sprung on me as a done deal. Guess he wanted the room?  Guess my sister got the pick of the two bedrooms left to pick from.  I didn't get a choice at all.

I protested at the change. They took me to the room I was going to get, the smallest bedroom. They told me what a nice view it had, like I was supposed to be thrilled. "ka-ching"... the switch! The bigger room I had wanted had two nice views and was more private. I didn't fight it, how could I, the whole family was happy besides me.

It was the theme all throughout growing up and into adulthood.   I was promised something, had it taken away and my sister and brother were favored with something of comparable value as I was promised. I guess I didn't deserve it somehow. No wonder I felt flawed. I hadn't done anything wrong to get it taken away. I felt  basically defective.

flower
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