The Malignance

[Gaining Strength]

Gabben, would it be helpful the next time an envious woman triggers you that before you react you remind yourself that their behavior reminds you of your mother and then remember that this person holds no power over you the way your mother did.  This may help give you enough space to get away from the person before you react so that you can process the experience without getting sucked in. - just a thought

[Gabben]

Hi GS --

I'll be more careful next time that woman envies me -- bad me!!!

Why did I do that --  Kick me ---kick me......stuipid me -- stupid me..........

Bad me ..................................I suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why did I not know that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should have known -- not to react to the problem/pattern that I just became aware that I had, bad me.....I should learn faster....Bad Lise.

[Gaining Strength]

Yikes - I hope all that "bad me" talk is not real and I hope that if it is it is not in response to my post.  I would never want you to react to anyone else's actions by castigating or condemning yourself. 

I have been working very hard to bring my own self-condemnations to the light over the past two years so I can overwrite those negative thoughts with more positive ones.

I have come to believe what I have read in many forms, that negative thoughts can create a negative reality in our lives.  I am working to change my negative thoughts and hope you did not think I was suggesting you should shoulder negative thoughts about yourself for being triggered.

[Gabben]

GS - "is not real and I hope that if it is it is not in response to my post."
 

I stopped beating myself up a long time ago or at least until I came back to this board and got crapped all over by others who take delight in pointing out your faults and mistakes. Not that you were doing that but it hurt to read and I sure felt that way when I posted that.


Hops earlier today was trying to point out to me a possible mistake I made as well as she was pointing out in a passive way a past mistake I made.

One can only take so much.

Lately, I have been working on my reactionary issues and my buttons. I'm aware. Your post felt shaming to me not gentle or compassionate to the layer of pain that I have been working through.

My heart has been in deep rage, indignation and hurt at my mom's betrayal. When that wound is up it tends to color our world. This board is not the best place for me to be.

My chest hurts right now -- it is time for me to leave the board for a while, your post was the final trigger.

Just like someone else said earlier today what triggers us are behavioral reminders of our N parents, nothing more, nothing less.

The pain your post brought up for is much like the pain that my n mom would give me when she would crap all over me for making a mistake.

Outa here~

[Gaining Strength]

I stopped beating myself up a long time ago or at least until I came back to this board and got crapped all over by others who take delight in pointing out your faults and mistakes.

Oh my heavens, Gabben.  My intention was to share the method I have been using to help undo my pain.  I did not mean to cause you more pain.  I am so sorry that my post was hurtful to you.

I didn't see your actions or your struggle as "faults" or "mistakes".  I saw them as wounds that I assume all of us here have.  I was hope to respond to your question in a way that would be soothing and helpful but I have done just the opposite and I am terribly sorry to have added to your pain.

[Gabben]

GS -- It is not your fault, I am in too much pain these days, I just need a break from the board.

Lise

[Hopalong]

she was pointing out in a passive way a past mistake I made.

I don't know what this refers to, Lise...but I am sorry you're upset.

I hope peace comes your way soon,

Hops