Stuckness

[axa]

There is something bugging me for a long time and I would appreciate some input and advice.

It is almost one and a half years since I dumped XN.  I am glad I did it and have no regrets whatsoever.  I have made significant changes in my life and much of it is good.  And here is the BUT.  But a day does not go by when I don't think of him, mostly in a negative way, but I do still think of him.  I want him out of my head and do not seem to be able to rid myself of him.  I wonder does thinking about him represent some part of me that I have forced into my shadow side.  Why do I choose do allow his toxicity whirl around in my brain.  I do not spend long periods thinking of him but he pops in, often when I least expect it.  In some ways it is like having a horrible disease, finding the cure and instead of rejoicing continuing to dwell on the disease.  I want to enjoy my life and be free from him but am stuck in this place.


Can anyone show me a way out of this.........all replies gratefully appreciated.

axa

[Ami]

Dear Axa,
 I don't have any answers,but wanted to say  I think it is a great question and think  that many people will be able to help. I will be waiting for the answers, too.My thoughts are with you, Axa, as you sort this out.
   Love   Ami


((((((Axa)))))))))))

[Hermes]

Dear Axa:

What you are feeling is part of the process.  The N-individual makes a considerable impact on our lives, and not for the best.  It takes a long, long time to get over the experience.  I can only tell you that it took me the best part of four years!  Yes.  At times it was like being "haunted", I swear.  The presence was quite overwhelming.  It seems this is part of the PTSD we experience. 

Let us imagine you were poisoned, but your life was saved. It would take a very long time for the poison to be de-toxed from your system, and there would be times when the after-effects would appear, even fleetingly.

The good news is that one day these episodes are few and far between.

All the best
Hermes

[axa]

Thanks for reply guys,

What you say makes sense Hermes, guess I am impatient and so BORED with the thoughts.  When I left him I was so clear that I wanted to cut him out of my life and feel disappointed that somehow he is still in there.  In ways it reminds me of being with him, even though he was Mr Superbrain, he could be so boring, mostly because he did not understand conversation and so he issued statements and did not want any interaction or response.  Mind numbling boring and that is what I feel about his invasion into my head. 

THanks for the response............such a long process.

axa

[Hermes]

Yes, Axa.  I often think it is a pity there is not some kind of chip that could be put into the brain, to block out forever that N-experience!  I wish.

Hermes

[Gaining Strength]

When he comes into your thoughts plan another line of thinking to replace your thoughts of him.  You can choose anything to replace him with but be certain that it is something positive.  For example - when a thought of him or a memory comes into your mind switch the channel to a travel scene that you want to experience in the future.  Imagine yourself at the seashore or in an exotic land in a market.  Imagine the sites and the smells and the sounds.

You can begin to replace thoughts or memories of him with something positive and it will become a thought habit.

[axa]

THanks GS will try this

axa