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I've NEVER Vented In Public!

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ItsMyTurn:
Hi, everyone. Not doing too well with my emotions tonight re: my NH. I need to vent if you don't mind. I'm usually embarrassed to do so. But I guess it's about time. I'm really doing well with the tedious task of healing, but tonight, I guess from all the healing and all of what I've done for myself for the first time in my life,  I'm going to take this liberty and indulge myself!  :wink:

Under the guise of 'looking for a therapist' he's joined a few message boards and has begun posting. And guess what he's doing there? Eliciting all the stroking he can get. The man's a monster... with me. Everywhere else he's a supply junkie. You know the deal. All the right words, phrases, logical justifications, twists, spins, contortions and lies! The all! So what's he doing on the posts? Poor little thing is adding to the ends of his posts that he's 'still nervous about posting.' Aw, poor thing. Right! The guy who intimidates me while we're in the car: "One more word and I'm taking you to the police station," "One more word and you're getting out!" Of course, each reply to his posts feeds him well with "Oh there's nothing to be nervous about. You are very welcome here!"  And on and on and on....Ugh!

Forgive me.......

Dawning:
ItMyTurn, you are very perceptive.  With N's, everything has to do with them and getting their needs met by whatever means necessary.  Don't let him do this to you.  Why would you need to be taken to the police station anyway?  

And, if I may ask, how did you find these postings of his and the subsequent replies?

It sounds like you need a break away from him.  Is that possible?

ItsMyTurn:
Yes. Well, after 30 years, 19 married, 15 years of his failing business endeavor and the endless nightmare of 'what in God's name is this' in my gut, perception becomes heightened, doesn't it. If it smells like a rat, and looks like a rat...

Why would I need to be taken to the police station? Because I'm too big for HIS britches. Because he really is transparent. Because the Truth Buttons get hit in a conversation while driving, for instance. And the only way out for him is to piggy-back ride, place the burden of his messy wounds and the mess they make within him, on my back, and, of course, shoot the messenger. It's classic. Classic cowardly N.

My husband is what we might call 'evil.' No conscience, truely.  Sadistic and mashochistic in one spin! Aren't they all like that? Isn't that the resultant make-up of the core of every one of them?

The evil grinning glares across the room at me, the gloating...I shudder. And my shuddering makes me weak. And he sees it and takes pleasure in it and runs with it. Capitalizes on it.

He called me to his office, down the hall, as he works out of the house since he closed his store, and displayed 'proudly' his new 'ability' to post messages on message boards. All the while, malignantly hopeful as I am, never suspecting there was an NTrick involved. And there it was...'look what I wrote and how they replied, 'wife!' Certainly, I'm not the only one that is as hopeful, as, we've been trapped, or, as perceptive. It's just plain and simply, a trap we learned to See.  And depending on our Strengths, learn to crawl out of.... Yes?

Dawning:

--- Quote ---Why would I need to be taken to the police station? Because I'm too big for HIS britches. Because he really is transparent. Because the Truth Buttons get hit in a conversation while driving, for instance. And the only way out for him is to piggy-back ride, place the burden of his messy wounds and the mess they make within him, on my back, and, of course, shoot the messenger. It's classic. Classic cowardly N.
--- End quote ---


Good lord.  They all resort to the threat of locking us up and they try to accompish this by pushing our emotional buttons and taking advantage of our natural insecurities that are totally *human* to have.  My mother has tried this one many times.  Fu*king evil witch.   Vent here.  Don't let your NH push your emotional buttons because that is what he wants as you know.  He wants you to carry the burden and be the scapegoat for his failure to look at himself in the mirror and accept where he has screwed up in life.  NOT your problem.  Is there any way you can completely avoid getting in the car with him?  Why do these people like to try and push our emotional buttons in a car?  I remember once riding with my mother when I was...maybe 22? and a song came on the radio.  It was Hall and Oates...singing "I can't go for that...no no...no can do" and she was singing along and pointing her finger at me.  Bloody hell.   :x

And, in answer to your question: Yes.  

He is trying to make you the one with the problem.  Stay grounded.  You are the one who is perceptive and dealing with the truth.  He is not.

ItsMyTurn:
Amen!

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