Hi Anastasia,
Your hole metaphor is great. Have you ever read the story about the hole in the sidewalk:
There's A Hole In My Sidewalk Chapter OneI walk down a street and there's a big hole. I don't see it and fall into it. It's dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to find my way out. It's not my fault !
Chapter TwoI walk down the same street. There's a big hole and I can see it, but I still fall in. It's dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to get out. It's still not my fault.
Chapter ThreeI walk down a street. There's a big hole. I can see it, but I still fall in. It's become a habit. But I keep my eyes open and get out immediately. It is my fault.
Chapter FourI walk down a street. There's a big hole. And I walk around it.
Chapter FiveI walk down a different street.
I could relate with all that you wrote. I have too wondered if the children of N's can grow-up to be healthier. Here is an article on the children of N parents:
http://www.narcissism.operationdoubles.com/children_of_narcissists.htmExcerpt:
There are, however, some other things it is pretty safe to say about the normal children of narcissists.
One is that they are likely to tolerate narcissists. When you grow up with things, you have no way of knowing that they are abnormal. You think that some people "are just like that." You're trained to tolerate it, because to do anything but is a sin. You're even brainwashed into thinking it's your fault. You have no way of knowing that everyone's home is not like yours, that you are growing up in a home headed by somebody who belongs in psyche ward.
If you are a Baby-Boomer, you didn't even get a clue from TV. You grew up watching Father Knows Best and Leave It to Beaver. Father's role reinforced your narcissistic father's superiority and infallibility by virtue of his age, size, and sex. But since TV fathers came from a different planet than yours, the threshold for suspension of your disbelief was much higher than for other people. Too high. So these shows, which challenged everyone's ability to suspend disbelief, weren't even remotely realistic to you. Never once did they make you wonder why, unlike the TV father, your father took no interest in you, never put his arm around you, never played with you, never had anything to do with you at all. That's because you never viewed TV as a portrayal of real family life. Therefore, even TV gave you no clue that other families were different, that your daddy sucked and that you had every right to what you craved. TV today is a little better at portraying normal family life, but not much.
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Thanks for your post.
Hugs ((((((((((((((Anastasia)))))))))))
