Genuine Empathy:
Questions or Queries makes a difference, as does Clarification, and importantly, ones Response,
which really does need to be mindful, thoughtful and genuine, and NOT glib, or patronizing or condescending.
> Queries:
"Can you tell me more about that?"
"What has this been like for you?"
"How has all of this made you feel?"
> Clarifications:
"Let me see if I've gotten this right ..."
"Tell me more about ..."
"I want to make sure I understand what you've said ..."
> Responses:
"Sounds like you are ..."
"I imagine that must be ..."
"I can understand that must make you feel ..."
Hi Lupita,
The above is a really good starting foundation for being supportive to someone with empathy for the person in their situation.
Because, as I have learned, that's all a supportive person is required to do -- offer support -- with a listening ear.
I was really quite nervous at first, in my role as voluntary support worker, though I did well in the training, the fact that I knew that I would not have the training manual with me on my first support session was reason enough to feel nervous!!!
It went well, and I was most surprised! And relieved too! Afterward I received the realization that I was not expected to know the answers or offer immediate solutions -- I was just sitting alongside someone -- to attentively listen with empathy, engage with validation, and just simply be there, as a supportive person.
Yes, later on signposting suggestions may well be offered along with anything else as appropriate.
Important to remember:
when giving support to someone -- you are accountable and responsible for yourself and what you say or do -- NOT the person you are offering support to.
Give Support -- and Let It Go -- works for me.
> Lupita, you mentioned the following in your thread post;
A friend called me because his father died. I got paralyzed, and did not know what to do, what to say, despite the fact that I porfoundly , deeply, was sorry about his pain.
In this scenario you could be a valuable listening ear to your friend as you tell your friend that you are deeply sorry to know that his father has had to leave him, and you sense the loss may be painful for him -- then gently ask him if he would like to talk about how he is feeling at the moment. Then listen to what he says to you in response.
Don't be surprised if he tells you that he does not want to open up about his feelings at this moment in time and share with you -- he may not be ready yet. As to be expected, as a person in grief enters into a state of shock, initially.
Elisabeth Kuber Ross is a good website to learn how to support someone in the stages of grief. There are other sites also.
Hope the above is of a help to you.
Love, Leah
