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Wanted to share this with you (pl.)

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Anonymous:
Hi Nic -- What great news!


--- Quote ---I'm at a loss to find a successful reunion other than the blurbs i've seen on tv...it could go either way with me too I guess.
--- End quote ---

You're right that it's impossible to know what you will discover, but I did want to tell you that I personally know of three very happy reunions of adopted children with their birth parents -- situations where everyone's life has been enriched by the reunion. It's true that in all the cases the financial circumstances of the families were about the same (the birth family was not significantly poorer or richer than the adoptive family), which probably helped.
Whatever happens, this is an important new chapter of your life, and I hope it is a fulfilling one.

Morgan

Nic:
Hi Morgan, thanks for your encouragement..You know i'm being dramatic just for fun..it's more like the real me than the tragic type. ! :)

 It's true that in all the cases the financial circumstances of the families were about the same (the birth family was not significantly poorer or richer than the adoptive family), which probably helped.

You make a good point..don't you just hate comments related to money! Makes me look like a snot!! which of course I am..hahaha! :lol: Kidding..one good thing my N parents taught me was never to play the money card..people are more important!  Of course for the longest time I wasn't considered "people"...People in the physical world genuinely like me and i like them..i'm coming out of two terrible years of conflict, i'd lost myself for a long while..wasn't smiling much anymore.etc.  It certainly will be interesting to see where I get my humour from..of course if everybody in my bio family is laughing ear to ear when I get there I'll certainly feel out of place for a while...at peace with my own..strange to say.  Moses complex!  :roll:

I think I can be light on this subject to a point.  It's when the dust settles that you see if things will stick ( the Pledge people wouldn"t like that sentence..pfft ha!)..and then maybe not!  

Guaranteed it's a big step...the timing is completely weird..onward and upward as they say!
Thanks for your interest Morgan.. :D
kind regards,
Nic

phoenix:
bye

Anonymous:
Dearest friends,
After meeting with a counsellor last thursday to prepare myself ( how does one truly prepare for meeting his mother for the first time in 41 years?) I met my birth mother today.
I wish I could tell you it was fabulous and wonderful and cheery and all tv like but I can't.  Instead, it was deep, powerful..as powerful as a good session with a loving/caring therapist can be..propelling, in that it has launched me into another part of my life, authentic, in that for the first time in my life i have experienced what unconditional "feels" like. Uncanny, in that the resemblance between my mother and I is striking.

My birth mother held me for two days when I was born.Nine days later she was to sign the adoption release.  Shortly thereafter began a long life of mental illness for which she was heavily medicated for a great many years.  It has been four years of almost no medication but the wear and tear of 37 bouts of electroconvulsive therapy have somewhat taken their toll.  She doesn't look ragged, in fact she's very pretty.  In her words: " They tried to get you out of my head, the doctors, my family, but I just couldn't and I didn't want to.."

For years, my mother, a pianist and teacher kept me inside her thoughts, unable to speak of me to anyone.  Until she met her present day caretaker who was convinced she needed love and that she was too heavily medicated.  Four years ago all of this changed.  As the medication was ceased and/or decreased, she began relating how she was "beginning to feel real emotions" she was in fact becoming reacquainted with her "voice".  She had lost it in the turmoil that was her pregnancy and its aftermath.

I cannot describe to you how it feels look at your mother for the first time.  I cannot tell you how sad I felt for her difficult life, yet, in 1999 I had left my name on a list and less than two weeks ago and with the kind help and caring of her caretaker, she began to lend real credance to the fact that my birth was the trigger to her mental disorder.  She had been fine before; she wanted me to know my father's name, he was a radio-discjockey and broadcaster when they were dating.  Used to call her up every night and ask her what she wanted to hear...they had known one another for a long time.   She did not see herself marrying him though.  He did go on to wed and somewhere out there I have four half-sibblings.
To pursue or not to pursue, that is the question.  "C" seems to think it is quite the kettle of fish, quite the can of worms to open, especially since he did not recognize her pregnancy...

She lives simply, she is deep and obviously intelligent..you can actually see that.  She was astonished that I was so tall, she told me I was "beau" and we both gestured in exactly the same way, to which everybody there reacted.  She looked at "C" and me and said: " What are you going to do with me now?"  We were shocked at her passivity, at the extent to which her life has been run by others and we both answered: " Madam, nothing..." and then we didn't know what to say or do.  

Her biggest fear was that I would find her "crazy", she kept rearranging her clothes.  I didn't hug her right away..i didn't feel compelled to jump into her arms and turn on the tear shower..it just didn't happen that way.  Instead, we were talking and i was sitting much too far from her so I rolled my chair toward her about 30 minutes into our meeting.  The closer I got, the closer the tears.  It was like I was looking at myself from outside myself..checking myself out, i kept saying to myself what CG said: " just be yourself Nic"

She was ambivalent about my birth dad..one minute she had loved him, the other she hadn't anything to do with him.That bit was hard to follow.  When she mentionned her family name I thought immediately of one of my colleagues, a junior with whose training I was involved, her name is not very popular and I thought shit..I think Richard is my cousin..huh what a small world...I'm scheduled to work with him later this week and plan on asking him a few probing questions.  Strange if it's the case, how I liked him immediately..to follow

She liked "C" immediately..I told her he was my family and she was immediately disposed to like him, that's neat!  Just like my A mom, you know N mom ( hahaha!) she liked "C" right off the bat!  Everybody loves "C" ,big heart, it was a meeting of big hearts today.  "C" ( ever the businessman!) figured out our budget for this new part of our life and is comfortable with the figure! * sheesh* I thought that was a pretty good follow-up to his " body part" comment of last week!  He inquired of her caretaker about her financial status and any needs existing or upcoming..what a planner!  Turns out she loves basquets of anything for the tub!

I stopped by the market early this morning and chose flowers.  I didn't have enough money on me but the flowers were perfect so I decided to tell the merchant lady: "I'm doing a rush job on the flowers because i'm meeting my mother for the first time today!" nothing like the truth right?  So she says: give me what you have and pay the difference next time you're in the area.  She then gave me a hug and said: " And come back and tell me how it all went!"..not bad from a complete stranger...

We exchanged tel numbers and addys, I will call soon.  It's all sinking in now.  My neck doesn't hurt this evening.  It's working, this mysterious life event, at a level I probably don't understand or know anything about.  Perhaps my dreams will reveal some of it.  My b mom's caretaker asked me to call because bmom has problems with telephoning out..she's always too afraid to disturb other people.  B mom did ask me to visit her..I felt some desperation in her voice which she was unsuccessful at masking..I understand.  She really wanted to make sure i wasn't mad at her for "abandoning me"..how could I be?

She's on the mend, I don't know where all this is going, but I know nothing happens for nothing.  I know nothing happens before it's time.  I told her it was a begining, a first and not a last.  She got into the car, " don't forget your seatbelt Claudette.." says the caretaker.  "C" and I left first, both looking into the rearview mirror.."C" thinking about his deceased mother ( died when he was 20) crying and me remembering last week when he told me: There's nothing like looking into your mother's eyes.  There really isn't.

I'm digesting it all now, in the midst of my divorce and the clean-up following my battle with the Ns..I am at peace, strangely.  I'm allowed that for sure.  I've had such a life thus far, I caught myself thinking last week, "now I can die.." and then I got really scared of dying for real.

I told "C", i can tell you I feel more like a person today.  And my good friend at work, perhaps this will put an end to the endless questionning of myself..of everything really.  i know for sure where I come from..as "C" said when we were walking up to the house.  " So you're not an alien after all..."  Guess not, I answered, then I hit 'im!

I guess i'll have plenty more to share as I take all this in..
Love to all,
Nic :)

Nic:
Again the session thing!
It's me above..sorry!
Grrrrrrr!
Nic :D

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