Yes, Deb, talking out of both sides of the mouth... definitely crazy making. And one statement on its own could be just a mistake, but add them all up and they are cruel.
My mother's:
I don't know where you hide all the weight. You look OK.
You can't really tell your age. You could be that old.
Unfortunately, your body is from your dad's side of the family. Your sister and I have different bodies.
Why would you want to study in a country like that? Don't you miss the amenities of our life (said to me 5 minutes after returning from Russia where I was for six months. Plus they were late coming to the airport).
We only are doing this for your sister and not you because... (fill in the blank - repeat over and over).
Kids are always awful at that age. They turn human again at (random number).
So many, many more... All ridiculous statements. As a kid, though, it is hard to understand what is real and what is imagined or created by the parent. I remember a huge lightbulb went on one day and I realized that my parents were far from always being right. In fact, I felt they were mostly wrong. I would bet people with healthy parents don't have this illumination.
Deb, I am sorry you had/have to go through this with your SO. It must be hard to reconcile the person you thought you loved with the person he is.
Love, Beth