N's vs LV(little voices)

[Ami]

My book has an interesting chart about Personality Disorders (PD)
vs Non Personality Disorders.It says that there are 4 stages in the development of a personality. The first two belong to childhood. They are the 'Me,first'stage and the "I am the top of the world" stage. If you stay there, you will have a PD.
The next two stages involve your ability to learn from experience. If you notice an N, they cannot  learn from experiience. The SAME brick will hit them in the head a thousand times, and they will  have no learning curve. I wish I was not a LV(little voice), but I am grateful I am not an N, very grateful.
 I see people who can go forward and assess how they function in life. Then, they figure out how they CAN function in a healthier way. It is amazing to me b/c I have been stuck since age 14. I really was frozen and could not go forward  and modify myself, as needed.I was just stuck and praying that nothing would come my way that I could not handle(lol)
  I see a person who can go in to the 'lions den"( fears) and see how he feels, reacts, responds, and then assess it ,with respect to how it "serves" him. He can throw off what does not serve him, rather than run away from it ALL, which I have done.
 I gave up trying to change, at some point b/c I had tried everything and could not come up from underwater. I went to support groups for 13 years, tried therapy, yoga, being social, religion etc and I was just  as frozen, at the end,as at the beginning.
 I see from watching my friend that we ,LV's, CAN modify ourselves, as N's cannot.
 For me, I have certain areas that I want to "run from" b/c I replay old patterns and it hurts. However, I must "test" out my assumptions, rather than run away.
 My assumptions are that if people don't like me, I am worthless or shameful. Maybe, I feel I will die, if people don't like me, as a baby would feel. Anyway, it feels dire.
 I need to test out what WILL happen if people don't like me. Actually, when people don't like me, I usually don't care very much. Most people are not inside my heart, so what they think doesn't matter very much, WHEN, they don't like me,but I have a huge fear of it. I hope this makes sense.
 So, the N (PD) cannot learn how to navigate his place in the world. He cannot learn from experience, so he is doomed to forever be hitting his head against the wall.
 I ,now, am ready  to test out and modify how I navigate life. I think"normal" people do this, as children. They learn to "Play well with others". I think "normal" children evolve as social creatures ,with guidance from parents.
 I think they learn a balance between meeting their own needs and being in a social group and giving to others.
 I had to shut down ,at 14,so simply stopped learning how to function, in the world.
 Does any of this make sense? I would love any feedback.                 Thanks so much    Ami

[Overcomer]

Am YOU ARE NOT STUCK you were stuck.  You are growing and learning every single day of your life.  You are processing.  You are taking your life back.  You challenged those on the board who tried to silence you.  You stood up to your mom AND h.  You are getting there!

[Ami]

LOVE you, Kelly. Thank you so much!                       Ami

[Ami]

Ami

You've gained many, many new things Ami. You've made a tremendous amount of progress! I for one, am so, so happy for you. You need to have an awards ceremony for yourself to celebrate all the progress you've made, I think. A day for Ami to rejoice in each centimeter of new freedom and healthier view of herself. To say, there is where I WAS... and this is where I AM... and this is where I WANT TO BE.

Not saying there isn't always more work to do - I accept that as reality - but balance a belief in the POWER of "negative" with a belief in the POWER of "positive" ABOUT YOU. I'm one of those people, who tend to be able to always list the problems & downsides & issues. But I ran across this concept, which opened up the possibility to see more of the positives, too. And it was like using high-test fuel in my work to heal.

I don't think you stopped functioning in the world at 14, if you were able to raise such two fine sons, Ami. You might have lost a part of yourself, might have had too many limits & rules about "how to be"; what was "correct"... but still, you functioned. You seem, to me, to be talking to yourself from an inner critic voice about yourself. Not helpful, in the long run. Especially as you start to un-do all the things you discover in your self-exploration that need un-doing.

I think you still know how to "play nice with others"! Instinctively, you know, what people need - there's plenty of evidence on the board about that. I think you're a warm, giving, lovely person - and I've seen glimmers of the humor that lies below the surface too - and the only thing I think you're lacking is simply accepting yourself for who you are...

who you ARE includes ALL those positives... not just who you used to be, sweetie. Hope this feedback helps!

Thank you,Amber. Your post was such a gift and very appreciated.       With Love,  Ami

[Ami]

I keep going forward with this topic, in my mind b/c it holds the key for me to break away from my NM and claim myself. My NM could only go to the first two stages of development : the Me, Me Stage and the *I* am the King of the World" stage. I,on the other hand, do have introspection capabilities, so I have hope.
 Before I went in to a shell, I was finding my place in the world( the 3rd stage). The 3rd stage is how you take the worlds feedback and YOUR perceptions of the world and go forward, balancing out your own need for  integrity( wholeness) with the need to get along with others. N's don't get here.
 I was on my way when I went in to a shell. I had friends and a social group, but I still felt whole and autonomous. I think this is the goal of the third stage--how to be whole ,inside, and STILL connect with others, not giving yourself away in the process, but loving and caring for others., at the same time.Any feedback would be greatly  appreciated.                          Thanks,   Ami

[Ami]

Ami, that's my hope, still not there, but open to willing to believe it is possible if I do my part, love, besee
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Dear Besee,
 When I talk to my Aunt, she seems to know how to navigate life in a way that I lost. She has a basic wisdom about human nature. She knows who SHE is, good and bad, and the same with others.
 I have been "dense" b/c I had rigid rules about who I had to be (perfect) and who others were(perfect). So, I was playing the game of life with broken pieces. My life reflected it.
 The rules I learned were wrong and destructive.
  As I heal, I cannot believe how cluless I was about 'real life",but I had an N for a M, so what else could I expect, I guess?
 The Bible says to be as wise as serpents, as gentle as doves.
 I was gentle ,but NOT wise.
 Wisdom is facing the truth. I am doing that slowly . As I do, I heal.We were not taught the 'rules" of the road, so our car breaks down, all the time--bleh. We are on the side of the road, wondering WHAT happened to us.
It is just lack of good teaching, I think.
 I am in Remedial Life 101(LOL)                   Love you, Besee        Ami