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Voicelessness & New Job Worries :-(

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BlueTopaz:
Hiya Phoenix…

Thanks a lot for the link.

I don’t have any of her books but am acquainted with her, and I like her work a lot.  I like her overall self-development style but really gravitate toward the emphasis on creating work suited to one’s personal self (a huuuuge thing for me, and maybe you too  :) ), and her info. re. how to set goals.  I’m soooo lousy at it, and it is so, so important!  

Visiting the link got me re-interested in her, and I think I’ll do a little reading of her information online after typing this.  I truly need all the help I can get regarding goal setting right now.

I’m finding I can’t buy actual books for awhile though, because I have so, so many, that it is becoming overwhelming to choose something to read!  I can’t decide which, I  read parts of one and then keep switching…  I also see that many contain the same messages, said in a different manner.  

This is not a bad thing though, because each way of relating will touch people differently, and the diversity is helpful in having the information resonate with more people.   I just have to stop buying so many for a time hehe…  

When it comes to self development, I have been going with reading authors that I like on the Internet.  Many have detailed articles, newsletters, and discussion forums related to their work, and you can really get a lot out of what they have available online.

Speaking of which, I see that Barbara Sher has quite a lot of helpful online info. --  I’m really glad you brought up her name…    Going to get busy reading.   It’s  perfect for it—a very cloudy, cool, grey day here.  

I hope you can re-sign out the book again soon enough!  :)

Take care...

BT

seeker:
Hi BT and Phoenix,

I'm really gratified by your discussion.  I had been feeling like a failure for not fitting into the corporate world and only recently really realized and accepted that I was not suited for it psychologically.  In fact, one of my supervisors (one of the more humane ones) told me that I needed to find a place to thrive.  That I wasn't thriving where I was.  She had gone to bat for me several times and it was clear that it was time to move on.  

BT, I saw myself in your last post about books!   :)  My process has always been to have a whole stack of stuff next to me when I am in a reading mood and I only read parts and flip around constantly.  Sometimes I read a book backwards! (that is, last chapter first).  I find with self-help stuff it doesn't really matter what order you read it in.  I can't remember the last time I read a book cover-to-cover (front to back). :D Thanks for steering us to authors' online sites--good idea.  

Hugs, Seeker

phoenix:
bye

seeker:
Hey Phoenix,

Are you applying for waitressing jobs?  I can't imagine that people actually expect this to be a long-term committment.  I know that some people do stay in such a job for years because of a family style environment, lifestyle choice, ownership, or whatever.  But that seems like a personal decision, not a management expectation...maybe I'm really off base.

Anyway, rather than try to answer specifically, perhaps you can say something like "I'm planning to stay as long as my contribution is valuable."  Yes, it's a hedge but maybe that's a tool you need right now.

Are there places more used to turnover that would serve your needs?  You know, places that hire students etc that come and go.  Just some thoughts.  You probably have figured all this out.  Good luck, Seeker

BlueTopaz:
Hello :)

Seeker-- I feel very gratified by the discussions here about this, too.  I have known for a long while that I am not suited inwardly, but it was understanding why (which came only within the last 2 years in learning that I was a “Highly Sensitive Person”) and then it has been getting rid of the feeling of being a failure and not measuring up, which I have just begun to overcome.  When the masses place so much value on a certain thing, have little difficulty doing it, and even strive for it and seem to thrive in it, and even love it, someone who doesn’t fit that can build up a certain negative self image that becomes ingrained over the years.

I am now realizing that some do enjoy this type of environment, yes, but many others feel trapped because of practical/financial reasons or simply not knowing what else to do, and don’t like it either.  They are just able to mentally cope with it, whereas some people are not at all geared physiologically, emotionally, or spiritually to even attempt to endure it.  It goes a lot deeper than simply not liking what you are doing.  

Sheesh what a trying journey… I had to really think on it a few times, but I have found in the end that I am glad I’m this way….

I am now trying to take on the mindset of actually valuing who I am because of my individuality, and all of the special things it holds.  There is so much to suggest positive, beautiful, and gifted reasons for not fitting in.   I think it is just like your supervisor said…  It seemed she could sense the potential in you to soar above the rest….    It seems like it was actually a great compliment related to your giftedness and individuality.

I like so much, what Dawning said about changing jobs if needed because of not feeling suited.  It is really a positive thing-- a learning experience, and is honing in on and becoming more aware and focused on what you want and don’t want.   Remembering this is helping me.

I do the same with books.  There is no curling up in bed with a good book... it is more like a pile of 8 or so… Then I get tired and fall asleep with a whole slew of books on the bed—what a site to wake up to hehe…
 :D


Phoenix--  I’m really glad it went well with your mother!   It must feel good to have the conversation of your plans out in the open.   Another step toward it all coming into fruition.  :)

Same prob. for me with jobs!    These are standard questions, and I was just asked that at an interview on Friday (for a child teaching assistant).   I am a lousy liar, and after saying my plans were long term, and I was interested in growth & advancement with the company a few times when this wasn’t the case, I felt bad, too.   I also think my face was straining not to show otherwise, and I had to put forward this very deliberate false look and voice projection when I said it, that sucked my energy and felt crappy.  

There is just no way around this question, and it gets asked every time.  They place a lot of importance on this, and it feels like it could make the difference between getting hired or not, all other things being suitable.

So, what I decided to say from now on, is “I am definitely looking for long term employment, and employment advancement”.   That’s it.    I am looking for that in my specific field of choice, and am only taking on temp other work now until I find it, but this way I am telling the truth, and feel a bit better, even if I am not being 100% specific and direct about the stability and advancement being with them.

I know this is a roundabout way amounting to almost the same, but I see a distinction and just that makes it a lot easier for me.  Kind of trying to make the best out of a hard to win situation in that regard.

I came up with a similar pre-planned thing for when I’m asked why I have applied to X company.   I find it helps to have something preconceived, that works for every type of interview.   The more I practice it the more confident it sounds when I say it.

Well, I’m so very glad to know that you are coming out of what sounds like one of the worst life phases for you….    You know, I don’t think it is that difficult for the mind to get to that place under certain conditions.   Several things things happen all at once, then the straw that breaks the…     And then I think that is just it… the loss of all hope…  That does it.  It’s terrible, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.   That is when the lowest point comes, and the mind and spirit go that place…. …

Boy--I’m so happy for you that you have been able to get your hope back.  That is really the saving grace that turns everything around, I think…    

When you have come back from such a point, when you are able to choose to live your life versus not wanting to be here, I think strength is increased, and so many things are possible...  

BT

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