Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness & New Job Worries :-(
BlueTopaz:
Hi everyone.
I am starting a new job in one week. It is a very large, corporate style company, and the environment is very social and click-ish (I noticed this on my several interviews).
Because of my background and voicelessness issues, I have never done well in these kinds of environments (my former position was not as such). In fact, I don’t even wish to try to ‘fit in”. It all seems so juvenile- like grade school or something.
Just to be clear, I’m not saying that I don’t want to make the effort to be friendly, approachable, and to meet new people. I do. What I am saying is that the means of going about it, or the societal styles (games, judgements, clicks, etc.) has never been one that has made much sense to me, or one I’ve wanted to be part of. It can be pretty cut-throat, and it all just reminds me of the dysfunction I grew up with.
I am a very genuine person, who really can't even relate to certain mentalities that society has conformed to. I literally do not understand them, and don't know how to "be" in them. Well, without becoming hostile I suppose. Meaning, if someone was rude with me, I'd probably tell them off on the spot, which is not exactly appropriate for the business enviroment!
I think there is an element of emotional immaturity there because I am inexperienced in that type of enviroment, and also because I am just plain tired of being in dysfunctional environments (childhood, former N-partner). I just want to be around the people of my choosing, that go along with the healthy life I am trying to now build for myself. So, in terms of work and a sticky situation with someone where they are just being a jerk on a personal level (I can handle bonefide professional conflicts very well), I'm worried that a very primal emotion of rage would take over.
I am in my 30’s and feel like I am 16 again, in terms of social apprehension. It is really worrying me a lot, and so now this is becoming one of those absolute nightmare times where I wish I could just disappear into thin air. I haven't felt this way in over a decade...
I never wanted to work in such an enviroment and have always steered clear of these kinds. But cirumstances are that I have to, at least in the short term.
Since many here are trying to heal from voicelessness issues as well, and have had dysfunctional parental input in terms building your self-image, confidence, esteem (as I have), coming from such psychology, I am wondering if you have any advice on how to deal with being heard and respected in the workplace, or just “fitting in”.
Also, if there are any websites\online articles that you are aware of that address this, I would really appreciate a link.
Thanks….
Anonymous:
BlueTopaz,
If you passed several interviews, you must be qualified for the position. I doubt if your coworkers will try to provoke a rage attack. They are probably ready to like or at least accept you. If you're certain there are jerks there, I bet there are a hundred books on "how to deal with difficult people." Do a search on amazon, I bet you will find lots of help there.
bunny
BlueTopaz:
Bunny-thanks.
I'm not at all worried about the professional aspect or being qualified for the job. I know I am. I'm worried about the emotional part of things. The culture/sub culture of large companies.
I hear soooo many stories from friends about tyrant bosses, workplace bullies, all of the back-stabbing and childish meanness, exclusion, etc. that goes on.
Maybe I am focusing too much on this, because it is what I fear. I should try to shift my focus. But, it does not help that I've never felt as a child or adolscent, that I've fit in to certain enviroments. This job situation is the epitomy of that type of environment, and these insecure feelings are coming back to haunt me.
I'm specifically worried that the dysfunction (office politics) that is notorious for going on in so many work places will evoke feelings in me related to the dysfunction of my childhood, and the rage and frustration I feel about having been voiceless, seemingly invisible, etc., will cause me to overreact or act inappropriately.
I'm afraid of becoming someone viewed as some kind of anti-social deviant, who does not fit in, because I have reacted openly to someone's subtle (but crystal clear to me) put down, undermining, or shunning, etc. In these cases, you know exactly what is going on, but since it is so subtle an non-obvious to others, you appear as the "crazy" one if you react in any way.
I don't want to be "invisible" again, or voiceless again, or to be involved in old hat psych. games with unaware people who are still playing them.
I just don't want to have to deal with ongoing dysfunction in my life anymore, and I'm afraid I will "blow". At my age (mid 30's) I've had enough. "Paid my dues", and I want to be able to choose the people I interact with on a regular basis. Unfortunately, it is not the case here.
I'm trying to reconcile remaining professional and dealing with dysfunction, with my emotional state that has no tolerance for dysfunction, anymore, because of my history.
I'll be checking the net for info./a lifeline, for certain, and I'll try to control my anticipatory anxiety. After all, none of what I wrote about has even happened yet!
It is just that childhood wounds, biases, fears, are very strong and enduring.
Appreciate your reply...
Anonymous:
Hi Blue Topaz,
In addition to coping with individual people, I think you are referring to office politics which can be tricky. The group mentality. My advice is to accept that office politics are necessary and to see what unspoken values are the real agenda. Eg. "youth" was the agenda at one of my past jobs. The image the corp. wanted to hold up was "boy wonder" and "genius" and power. That and making lots and lots of money. If you didn't fit those criteria, you at least had to come from a pedigreed background like Harvard or a blueblood family that had a relative already in the corp. Outside interests, esp. family, was verboten. It was like a cult.
OK, that's probably the worst possible light I can shed on this incredibly successful company. It was hard to accept that I didn't fit in there, but that was the truth. I didn't fit that particular mold and finally wised up. Not good or bad, just not working. I'm learning that humans want to know how we are alike before we can accept how we are different. I don't like to operate like this either, but I'm realizing that this is my own personal obstacle to connection.
Because of my upbringing I thought I had to pursue a career in business. I'm actually quite happier out of that environment and now fully embrace other possibilities. I've also watched my BIL try to fit his family expectations of white-collar success when he clearly isn't suited for it. He has many talents which go unrecognized.
Anyway, I would go into this new job with an open and positive attitude. You obviously have made many observations that will serve you well and you can navigate the new job well if you figure out the people part as well as the task part. I used to try to ignore the people part and simply do the best job I could, hoping to be rewarded for that (how naive adn so similar to my family experience!) and I now know that it (people politics)is essential.
Good luck to you! Seeker
Anonymous:
Hi BT,
PS, I guess we were writing at the same time... :) There's a website about workplace bullying which I hope will empower you. Um, it's a bit more about people who have already been victimized, but I would encourage you to look for books about how to protect yourself politically before this happens. Many management books about organizational behavior etc. might help. you know, stuff like "swim with the sharks without getting bitten" type stuff.
Don't let 'em see you sweat! 8) Bye now, Seeker
I think the URL is bullyingonline.com
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
Go to full version