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Voicelessness & New Job Worries :-(

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Anonymous:
All workplaces have a mix of people.  I would initially assume that people's intentions are good. Assume they don't intend to put you down or undermine you. I think the best way to create a positive impression is to be warm, show a sense of humor, and be yourself. I work in a place where new people join the group all the time. We old members are all apprehensive at their arrival even though we outnumber them. So your new coworkers may be nervous about your judgment of them.

The main thing is to command respect. I don't care what people say behind my back as long as they respect me to my face. All I ask is for people to treat me respectfully. If they don't, they will learn that I don't like it. It doesn't necessarily change anything but I will stand up for myself. A rage attack or scene isn't required to do this. You can stand up for yourself without resorting to that. I know you can do it.

The office isn't a popularity contest. You don't have to like all of them and all of them don't have to like you. If there is truly an atmosphere of backstabbing, manipulation, and severe abuse, I would rather work at a greasy spoon cafe. I'd quit the office for my own health. It can make a person physically ill to work in an abusive place.

If one must earn a living, one will inevitably deal with dysfunction. There is no workplace where dysfunction doesn't exist and everyone is mature! If you find such a place, please let me know. My philosophy is to strategize with the sick people I'm forced to deal with, and befriend those who are on my wavelength. Oh - and I see a therapist and take meds. I also borrow xanax from coworkers when I have to!  :wink:

bunny

BlueTopaz:
Hi Seeker- thanks for your reply.  It’s a good time to tell you that I enjoy your posts very much.

In addition to coping with individual people, I think you are referring to office politics which can be tricky. The group mentality.

Yes, precisely.   Both.    I understand what you are saying about the “agendas” so well......

My advice is to accept that office politics are necessary……

Anyway, I would go into this new job with an open and positive attitude. You obviously have made many observations that will serve you well and you can navigate the new job well if you figure out the people part as well as the task part. I used to try to ignore the people part and simply do the best job I could, hoping to be rewarded for that (how naive adn so similar to my family experience!) and I now know that it (people politics)is essential.

I will heed your advice.   I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist or try to completely isolate myself from it.  I don’t want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I think I would be, if I tried to resist what has been ingrained long before I came along.   I need to find a way to deal with it.   I think this is a very important point- and I’m so glad you brought it up.  I think I may have gone in trying to resist it.  I will work on that this week. I have this week off, then I will start the new thing the following Mon.

I will also check the genre of online articles and websites that you mention.  I will be busy reading & mentally preparing this next week.  

Thanks again Seeker…  :D

BlueTopaz:

All workplaces have a mix of people. I would initially assume that people's intentions are good.

Hi Bunny-sounds like very good advice.  I think you are right- that attitude going in, would serve me best.   I will work on changing my mind-set to do just that.

The main thing is to command respect. I don't care what people say behind my back as long as they respect me to my face. All I ask is for people to treat me respectfully. If they don't, they will learn that I don't like it. It doesn't necessarily change anything but I will stand up for myself.

I like the idea of commanding respect.   Just don’t know if I have the energy anymore to have to put out, with difficult people (the ones that will disrespect you to your face).   But I like what you said about just standing up for oneself, whether it changes anything externally or not.  Internally, it would mean something important.  

Hmmm... commanding respect might be like an air of confidence and self assurance.   I think I can put it on, until I actually feel more like it.    Kind of like what Seeker said “don’t let them see you sweat”.

Thanks very much for the encouragement, and input...

Dawning:
Blue Topaz,

http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/bullyonline/ is a yahoogroup a friend introduced me to awhile back.  Although I didn't join, I believe she learned alot there and got the support she needed.

Good luck.  And post a follow-up if you feel like it.   :)

BlueTopaz:
Thank you very much for the link, Dawning.   By the way, you are also someone who's messages I always get very much out of, and relate so very well to, personally.  

I will join for sure, and check through the archives.  Hmmm... likely right now actually, as I'm not sleepy yet (2:00 am here!)

I will likely post a follow-up after the first week (that is two weeks from now, as job starts the 9th).

Many thanks again  :)

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