Author Topic: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life  (Read 1890 times)

Ami

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Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« on: March 30, 2008, 08:14:57 AM »
I cannot believe how "dumb" I have been to believe my NM, instead of my own eyes and ears.Now, I am waking up. She took my perfectly good compass and bent the needle.
 I went down so far, with my bent needle.
 N's are idiots about life, pure idiots. They teach us to be idiots, too. Then, when life comes crashing down, we have an opportunity to change.
 As I see myself and life ,more clearly, I am appalled at what I was taught. I was taught Chinese and expected to function in America.
 I was taught a totally nonsensical way to look at life and myself.
 I gave up my own eyes and ears to do it.
 As I heal , my physical eyes are healing ,too.
 I blocked off my senses and my intuition and took on an N's world view.
 It was really,really crazy and my life reflected it---bleh.
 
 
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Overcomer

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2008, 08:44:59 AM »
And you do not even realize that it is not right and normal.  The only thing I felt was frustration.  I could not put my finger on it but I was always confused and frustrated-then I got mad-that is the rage.
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Ami

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2008, 10:35:39 AM »
Just talked to my M. She has been depressed. It is b/c *I* am changing and so SHE has to look at herself. I ,no longer, am the blank slate she can throw her   bad feelings on.
 I bite back,now. She loves me and wants a relationship with me. *I* have changed and so she is having to "move", also.
 I really am in shock at what an idiot she is and how I believed her all my life--bleh.
  I trusted her not my own perceptions and insights.
 What a fool I was.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Ami

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2008, 10:50:13 AM »
I feel really depressed ,too,now. I lived my whole life believing an idiot's version of life, making decisions in life based on idiotic thinking.I viewed myself so poorly and suffered   b/c I believed a full blown idiot, a fool, over my own senses.  I guess I see that my whole beliefs  myself were  based on lies. It is a shock to my system.My whole belief system was based on lies.            Ami
« Last Edit: March 30, 2008, 11:00:02 AM by Ami »
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

James

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2008, 11:59:48 AM »
Ami............You may be feeling the shock you felt back then as you were a small girl with no way out and you were forced to believe her lies. Most children would do the same, I did too. It sounds to me facing this is actually bringing you out of shock eventhough it is uncomfortable. These realizations may bring sadness and grief for the child you were.....love, James

Ami

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2008, 12:05:15 PM »
Oh James
 You "got "it. I feel sadness and grief, but underneath a freedom,I think. Thanks for caring, James!            Love and HUGS , Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

debkor

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2008, 01:08:34 PM »
Ami,

I think James got it.  I agree.  You’re coming out of shock.  Ah Hah! This is a wonderful thing Ami although it hurts.  The rules do not apply anymore.  Not to Grown Ami she makes her own and seeing the rules before that were set (for you) is appalling and not NORMAL and yes it is Shocking.

You were not a fool Ami you were just a kid who had been worked over for many of years.

Love
Deb


Ami

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2008, 01:17:23 PM »
Dear Deb,
I wanted to ask you. You seemed like you had a loving M. Do you have good self esteem?                     Hugs    Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Overcomer

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2008, 03:35:12 PM »
Am-I remember when I set my boundaries with my mom she did NOT like it one bit!  It actually took me quite some time to shake her off me.  I describe it like trying to wash a goo off my body kinda like a rape victim tries to wash the rape off them.  It was like she was desperate to push me back in her little box.  She tried and tried and tried and I think she is finally giving up the hope that I will be manipulated by her coercion anymore.  It took me a long while to re train HER and her expecta
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

debkor

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #9 on: March 31, 2008, 02:09:03 AM »
Hey Ami,

Yeah I had a loving mom. I think my self-esteem is good.  Don't get me wrong I'm not always 100 percent confident. I may get scared to death to try/do something and fall short or flat on my face.  I may try again or it is not for me so I will then try something else.  So I have made mistakes.  Everyone does.  I try to change what I can and sometimes that is just me. 

I have always been encouraged by family and friends.  I feel worthy and important.  I respect myself and self protect. I have the power and courage to make my own decisions.  I believe in myself.

I guess it's all a balance.

Things were so out of whack and all off balance for you and it was not your fault. You will find balance in your life.  Believe  in your self.
I believe in you. 

P.S. Oh and Ami I have had some major blows to my self-esteem and it was at an all time low.  I married my ex-h didn't I (lol) Some bad decision making on my part but then again some good things come out of it.  My D and my S.  I would not have had it any other way even with the crazy times. 

Love
Deb

 



 


Ami

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #10 on: March 31, 2008, 08:04:08 AM »
Dear Deb,
  I figured that you would have a good foundation of self esteem, if you had a loving mother. I, Thank Goodness, had good extended family,or I shudder  to think where  I would be.My GM(mother's M) took me on as her special grandchild.  She told me that I was her favorite grandchild.
  Aunts and Uncles who were good to me . I saw my Aunt being "normal"to her children.
 My F's mother ,also,  loved me and I felt that love.
My M put a shakiness in my foundation,though.
 I hope I can get my "solid " foundation back, as I let her 'lies"go. That is my goal.
 I loved Scott, cared for him,nurtured him, was kind to him and he  killed himself. I know this sounds crazy,but I thought if you had a mother's love that was halfway functional, which mine WAS, you would be ok.
 I guess that is narrow thinking.
 Scott must have been tormented by the relationship between his F and me. He wanted to make it OK and he couldn't. My H turned Scott 'against " me, which is his family pattern. His B did the same thing with his child, but did not have the consequences we did.
 Scott had too much of a loyalty to me to "buy" my H's crazy thinking. That was what made him kill himself, I think.
 He could not process it all.
I gave up trying to snatch him from my H's clutches b/c I was "tired" and demoralized from all the years of my M and then my H.
I was angry at Scott b/c I would try to tell him the truth and he kept moving further and further away from me.I knew that if you could hold on to truth, you could stay afloat.
 I gave up fighting and that is what sealed his fate, Ann said.
 She told me that , in the first session. I could not face it, but now I can.
 I was angry at Scott b/c I kept telling him the truth and then he started fighting me on it. I said to myself,'Fine, LET him find out about my H, himself."I thought that eventually Scott would come back to me, but he didn't.
 *I* let him go.
 *I* was the honesty and the "health"in the family, even though I had many issues. I could still see truth.
  I gave Scott up and my H took him and squished him.
  My H did not mean to "possess" Scott,as his golden boy.My H would have given his own life for Scott, BUT my H's selfish needs (N needs) killed Scott. My LV did not fight .
  Even, now, everything is FOR my H. My H wonders what will happen to HIM when he is old, how HE feels without a two kids, how HE feels when he sees families.
  *I* feel pain FOR Scott, how HE suffered, how HE got to the point to put a gun to that precious head. It is NOT for me.I hurt for him.
So, THAT is the difference between and N and a LV.
 Thank God, I am not an N.
 I don't like being a LV. I wish I was a "big"voice or medium(at least)-LOL.
 However, I have to remember the most important thing of all.
 I found God from my pain. I would not give up one ounce of it, not even Scott's death If Scott and I could be perfectly "normal" and not have God, as I do (and he did), I would not trade our lives for "normal" lives.
  My Aunt lives a good life. She feels like you do, Deb. She likes herself and functions without undue angst.
 However, she has no great need for God. Nor, do her children. Nor did my friend, the female MD, who had it "all"
 I suffered greatly, but was humbled ,but would not take any of it back ,if I needed it to find Him. That is my beacon through the pain.            Love   Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: Have to Throw Out The N's Rulebook of Life
« Reply #11 on: March 31, 2008, 01:01:53 PM »
Just talked to my M. She has been depressed. It is b/c *I* am changing and so SHE has to look at herself. I ,no longer, am the blank slate she can throw her   bad feelings on.
 

Ami -- this is good insight and a sign of your growth. N's will want to keep us down, never are we to grow or get healthy, it can be a raging  battle for us but I believe that you are moving past that point, your strength is evident. Your M is picking up on the changes in you and she WILL grow and heal too or at least change and treat you will more respect because of the growing self-respect you are gaining in.

Remember boundaries are silent, as your internal compass gets stronger you begin to attracts new dynamics.