N's delusions make you underrate yourself?

[yuki]

Has anybody else found that years of witnessing a N's delusions of grandeur has made you underrate your own abilities?

For me... my N mom seems to have a new amazing talent every month that's going to make her famous or rich. She talks about it a lot and sometimes spends a lot of money on it - but nothing ever comes of it, and then she seems to forget all about it and she's on to the next one. I guess that's common N behavior.

I observed her through all of that... I didn't know that it wasn't "normal" until I was in college, but I did know at a younger age that I didn't want to be like her. What I learned from her behavior was this;
-no person can accurately assess their own talents/abilities and that often made them appear foolish
-you shouldn't let anyone know that you're working on a creative project because then you'll look stupid when you don't finish it or it doesn't amount to anything
-and... what's the point? Other people won't take your talent seriously anyway, and you'll probably lose interest and not follow through. So why try?
I guess I did have some insight into narcissism then. I just didn't know that it wasn't "normal" and so I thought it applied to me too. It resulted in yet another way of being voiceless and unable to express myself. I'm still working on changing these ideas in my own mind. I have a lot of fear of OVERrating myself and other people seeing it. I feel like having any sort of dream that isn't 100% realistic (more than realistic - probable or even assured) is stupid. If you believe something would happen (like getting a job because you have the skills for it) and then it doesn't, that feels downright shameful.

Some of my N mom's delusions are really something. Sometimes she seems so removed from reality that I wonder if she has something else wrong with her besides NPD. She told me one time that she was going to Hollywood that weekend to buy a house so she could live there while they filmed her movie. (what movie?!) She purchased a notebook computer so that she could write her novel and then never used it. Another time she bought a whole lot of expensive art supplies and told me all about the paintings she was going to sell for thousands of dollars. She's not an artist. She didn't even think she needed art lessons first, she thought she could just paint. I don't think she ever even used any of the art stuff. There are many more... I try to just ignore her now.

So, what kinds of delusions do your Ns have?

[flower]

Hi yuki,  

------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

------------------------------------------------------------

[Anonymous]

yuki,

From all you've written about your mother, it seems that she has serious psychiatric problems. NPD is a serious psychiatric problem in itself; she may also have a thought disorder (some kind of psychosis). Bottom line, she is not functioning normally. And you were exposed to some very distorted ideas and behavior. I'm really happy that you left their home and are working on taping over this stuff.

My mother doesn't have delusions but she needs "homage" all the time and it's very oppressive. Anyone who thinks differently from her is punished with massive disapproval, or even disowned for years.

bunny

[Anonymous]

Yuki,

From the way you described your mother, it sounds to me that she is also suffering from Bi-Polar.  The manic phase of bipolar desplays just that.

[yuki]

I thought those sorts of delusions were normal for Ns? She does seem to be more removed from reality than most Ns though.

You're right, Bunny, she really doesn't function normally at all. I wonder sometimes, if she'd been around people (besides me and my dad) and had responsibilities (like a job) if her problems would have become obvious. Like, someone would have noticed that she wasn't dealing with reality. I think my dad knows it on some level - he's just too dissociated to really notice and too co-dependent with her to do anything. And of course the only other person to see what was going on was me, and she had no problem fooling me into thinking it was all normal and ok - I was a child.

Can people be bi-polar without the extreme symptoms? Her sleeping patterns never changed, and she never seemed particularly manic. She was depressed sometimes, but her behavior didn't change very noticably. There weren't obvious outward signs. (BTW, she blamed her depression - and mine - on things like chemicals in the water and mold spores coming from the basement)

My therapist has told me that my childhood was extreme. I would like to believe that - it helps me feel better about why I have so many problems now, without blaming myself for them. But I also tend to "normalize" it sometimes and feel like it wasn't so bad (seems to be some sort of automatic coping device).

Yuki

[Anonymous]

yuki,

Only psychiatric testing could tell what's wrong with your mom. But something is wrong with her.

bunny

[Jenocidal]

Yuki:

Your mom sounds a lot like my mother (the warden).  My Narcissistic mother raised us kids on welfare, AND SHE IS STILL ON WELFARE(i'm 27 yrs old now, she's 44 yrs old) because all her life she couldn't fathom subordinating to anyone.  So instead, us kids suffered in exteme poverty. My mom thinks she was destined to be rich and famous.  She's not content unless she is using her "mania" as her narcissistic supply.  She has four books on the go, all of which have not, and will not, be completed.  She is trying to make it rich selling calendars of local girls, that never amounted to anything. She's trying to write a movie, she is trying to be a famous talk radio host (by uploading recordings of herself onto her website of her interviewing people with HIGH credentials involving PESUDO science (narcissitic supply))  She listens to Art Bell with fervor and believes a lot of the material therein... This is all Narcissism aside, by the way. She thinks everyone is coming to get her, has a very paranoid personality.  I grew up with her drilling into my mind that satanic cultists and serial killers were after us.  it was a ruff ride with my Narcissist.

I think my mother has more than one personality disorder as well.  Antisocial Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, either generally histrionic ,or perhaps borderline personality disorder with idiopathic mania... for starts.

[Jenocidal]

Another thing I'd like to add...

Growing up with my mother for the first 12 years of my life, my mother wanted to be a rockstar.  It seems that throughout my whole life I was aware that my mother was deranged.  So I wouldn't take her "music" seriously, even at the age of 8 or 9 yrs old, I have clear memories of fantasizing that my mother didn't want to be a rockstar.  That she just wanted to be a mother.  -it's weird to think about now.  I've spent my whole life watching her mania.

[lotus]

my Nmum is similar too.

she allways has this vision of the perfect family. when she was in her late 27 she had had a car accident (minor) which also meant that she received a lump sum payment from the Govt (compensation).. would u believe it, she spent all of it in a week... i cant remember how much it was, but think of it, we live in welfare housing... so she threw out every single peice of furniture we allready had and replaced it with new ones... she also gave much of this 'new' stuff to this community group... and spent most of her time looking after the place (day and night) .. i was 10 then... in hindsight, i suppose it was good - the lesser interaction the better, but that only lasted for about a month.

fact is, she couldnt give a shit about us.. and yet expected us to be 'perfect' children, or whatever her vision of 'perfect' was...

how many times was i left out in the open at night... while she simply 'forgot'. like the first day of highschool.. she forgot to pick me up so i waited in front of the school till 8 at night ( school finished at 3 ) eventually she asked a distant family friend to pick me up... and when i got home it was like nothing happened...
and this is only like one small incident....
she's also very paranoid about people not liking her... she'd allways put the blame of her faults on her kids..
N's are dangerous creatures...