Thank You

[James]

Today is really the first time that i have ever been able to see so clearly the nature of the family i grew up in. It was hardly a family by most accounts, at least one that was loving in any way. It was all pretend. For most of my life i have felt like an outsider, something of a freak. I now know why it's been this way. My mom tried to blame me again yesterday for not being the type child that she thought was "normal". She was referring to my inability to separate from them at an very young age. I told her i was so threatned by them that i thought the whole world was very dangerous. She was very offended by my honesty. She tried to crush me again but this time i just looked at her and didn't say much, she knew i was serious and nothing she could conjure up would protect her from the "lie" that i was exposing. Sometimes i feel rather stupid when it comes to my emotional side but i finally get what this board is all about. Mainly i just want to say thank you, to the members here, i feel understood and appreciate so much the sharing of your stories and experiences and your support. This place is the opposite of what i grew up in and you have made an important difference in my life.......james

[Gaining Strength]

Sometimes i feel rather stupid when it comes to my emotional side

I understand this feeling and have could have written those words myself many times.  But I want to point out to you that you have come to your understanding at a very young age.  That is the opposite of stupid.

I began in earnest to dissolve or remedy or overcome these things at age 27 but it has taken me until 50 to finally truly begin the real breakthrough process.  I want you to feel good about what you have done concerning your emotional life. 

I am learning that the belittlement of any progress is their voice, their crushing voice that you so elequently describe.  Debkor has given me the language of "returning that shame to the ones who gave it."  I encourage you to do the same.  The shame belongs to them, the pride for making progress is all yours.

your friend - Gaining Strength

[towrite]

James - I never knew what love was b/c I never experienced it at a young age. It was only when I got on this board and consequently found a few "real" friends that I could see the difference.

We're glad you're here, IMO.

towrite

[James]

GS...."your friend"  i dont remember too many times hearing those words that i really felt like i could trust what they were saying. With you i know this is true.......Thank You  James      Towrite.......I know exactly what you mean abt growing up in an unloing environment and then coming here confused and finding that its really possible to feel loved by others. Its really a great thing.  PS....i read your thread and wanted to respond but didn't know what to say. I felt very sad for what you are going thru but please know that i am thinking of you and hoping that all will be ok. Your thread touched many feelings of abandonment inside myself and for that reason i can know something of your fear.  Best Wishes. I just know that things will work out for you..........James

[Ami]

Today is really the first time that i have ever been able to see so clearly the nature of the family i grew up in. It was hardly a family by most accounts, at least one that was loving in any way. It was all pretend. For most of my life i have felt like an outsider, something of a freak. I now know why it's been this way. My mom tried to blame me again yesterday for not being the type child that she thought was "normal". She was referring to my inability to separate from them at an very young age. I told her i was so threatned by them that i thought the whole world was very dangerous. She was very offended by my honesty. She tried to crush me again but this time i just looked at her and didn't say much, she knew i was serious and nothing she could conjure up would protect her from the "lie" that i was exposing. Sometimes i feel rather stupid when it comes to my emotional side but i finally get what this board is all about. Mainly i just want to say thank you, to the members here, i feel understood and appreciate so much the sharing of your stories and experiences and your support. This place is the opposite of what i grew up in and you have made an important difference in my life.......james

Dear James
 It is beautiful to see you start to heal. The board can do that ,in a way I have never found. I don't know why ,but the combination of factors WILL produce healing for people who will stay and be honest .
 When towrite said about "real" friends, that has been my experience, too. You, on the computer( and some  on the phone,too) are so precious to me. Maybe it is b/c  we have been through the "war" together. The war is N's, of course.
 I appreciate ,now, after Scott's death, the unique position we are in,we, who have been wounded by N's. It is the same small group as Mothers who have lost children.
 No one "gets it" about N's ,unless they have lived it. Right now, I want my closest friends to be people who DO understand.
 I will have friends who don't, but I will not TRY to get them to understand ,anymore, b/c they can't. I feel a great sense of relief.
 James, you WILL get through this.You have the heart and core of a beautiful person and that will take you on, as you fight the darkness and come in to the light. I am honored to be your friend and walking the path with you.    Love   Ami

[Hopalong]

James!

You spoke the truth to "power" and that removed the power!

I am so impressed with your clear statement to your mother. What a moment.

GOOD GOOD GOOD for you!

Hops

[Certain Hope]

        It was all pretend......
 I told her i was so threatned by them that i thought the whole world was very dangerous.

Dear James,

Me, too.

Thanks so much for sharing all that you have, here... and for putting this into such terms that really clicked in my head. It really is as simple as this and so now I finally understand why I was always so terrified and "shy".
You have done and are doing so very well, James. The curse of that emotional stunting has been broken, I believe.

Cheering you on here, gratefully,

Carolyn

[gjazz]

Yes, James, I think that's a very insightful quote, about fear.  All victims of Ns experience so much fear.  So glad to see you making so much progress so fast.  Don't worry about minor setbacks.  What's the phrase--Keep your eye on the prize!  Congrats.

[Gaining Strength]

With you i know this is true.......Thank You  James
Wow, James, Thank you.


You spoke the truth to "power" and that removed the power!
I love that Hops!