Dear GS,
I think that the key to healing is your comment that you are "human". When I was healthier I "knew" this and it kept me sane. This little thought that I was 'human" and could trust myself ,that I was the same as other human beings, not 'bad" was the key to my sanity.
Once, I accepted my M's view of me, that I was "bad", I was sunk. Then, everything from the outside, was filtered through the 'I am bad" filter.
Then, nothing could change that old idea and I was frozen.
I think that you are almost there,in your healing, GS.
We are in different places, in certain things, at the moment, but we ,each are trying to reclaim the truth and our trust in ourselves ,so we can go on,with strength.
Love to you, Ami
((((((GS))))))