I am still struggling with what my BF did --- touches on so many threads here. I get so deeply scared when I get criticized that my whole person is a lie that I go to some cold place where warmth never enters. I know part of it is a resurfacing of or retriggering of my FOO's treatment of me. Some of the words are exactly the same. I just want to go in the closet and sit on the floor in the dark - exactly what I did as a kid.
Today I am not taking this blame. I accept no responsibility for whatever my BF thinks I did b/c I know what I did and it ain't what she thinks. This is where what Lup posted about not understanding people creeps in. I have learned that, if I cannot connect with what a person says about me, hard as I try, if it makes no sense to me or contradicts my experience of that reality, then it's probably that person's irrationality --- and irrationality is unexplainable. It's based on faulty presumptions, faulty perceptions, and colored by that person's needs and their own woundedness.
It also helped to journal a lot of it. I still get a feeling of cold on my back when I think of her, but I think that feeling is a response to the idea of what it may have been like had our friendship continued. Maybe my sixth sense that I am well out of it.
Kate
