Time of rest is over

[lighter]

I have appointments and research to do this week..... a return to reality.

I don't know when things will slow down but I know this.....

just as I was feeling stronger....

restored.....

I about fell out of my chair..... weak, on Sunday.

AH was explaining her friend B's troubles with Alzheimer, a restricted heart valve, surgery and resulting blood clot in his ankle.....

and I just folded.

That was a surprising wake up call.

I'm used to not asking for help.

Use to telling people I'm fine, don't bother worrying about me....

as much as I could manage, anyway.

But I must tell you.....

I'm not fine and I need help to find my strength again.

Not sure but.... it feels like my adrenal system's failing/stressed/weakened.

How do I strengthen and recover......

while running a long uphill marathon?

I've begun accepting help, there was no choice in the matter. Easy enough when it's thurst apon you.

As for reaching out and asking for help from my church community..... friends.... neighbors....

they're there.... waiting.

I don't really know how to ask or open up to receive help, is what I'm trying to say.

Much more comfortable offering and extending help.

Why is that?

I have anxiety just thinking about it..... how can I DO it..... and find some measure of serenity?

::remembering the book Tues with Mori::  Tha's the name, right?

There's a time for everything.... and now's my time to receive help.

How to do it with grace.....?

Any suggestions?

Reading I can do?

I have to admit..... the introvert in me is a bit lost right now.

The comfort of withdrawing into my children and garden......

is ending.

Must find new ways.

Lighter

[Leah]

I about fell out of my chair..... weak, on Sunday.

AH was explaining her friend B's troubles with Alzheimer, a restricted heart valve, surgery and resulting blood clot in his ankle.....

and I just folded.

That was a surprising wake up call.

I'm used to not asking for help.


Dear Lighter,

On Sunday you engaged in excessive strenuous work in gardening, and I for one was amazed that you even managed to dig up all those

roots of the Apple Tree, as you described, as all of that is hard work.   I could never have done that, ever, I don't think.

And then all the moving of plants and loppings!!!    "Marathon Lighter!"   ......... I was in awe!


So, honestly, I am not surprised that you fell out of your chair.......... weak, on Sunday.


All I can suggest is, moderation in all things, perhaps?   

I certainly have had to re-program myself, to do things in moderation.

Love to you,

Leah

[Leah]

Maybe, you are feeling tired and worn out, after that unusual amount of hard labour in the garden?

I know that, each spring, I am achy and tired all over kind of thing, a couple of days after just digging in the soil, turning it over.

Leah x

[lighter]

That's a good point, Leah.

Except I had that cup of tea before working in the yard: /

As for physical strain.... I think I tore something in my chest yesterday during boxing workout.

Cut it short and went to the Asian Market..... dealing with physical trauma's different than trauma to the spirit or emotions, I guess.

The tear is just another tear to my body..... recovery is familiar and predictable.  

Predictable timeline.

 Predictable outcome.

It's the strength of my interior.... not sure if I can call it mind/spriit/organ system but..... it's compromised beyond any point I've ever experienced before.

This is a new path.  

Unfamiliar.  

Lighter

[gratitude28]

Lighter,
I am terrible at asking anyone for help for even the smallest thing. I would so much rather be the one DOING the helping. With my drinking, I finally HAD to ask for help. And I have been trying to accept help in small areas of my life outside of that.
Think about how you feel when you help someone... It is a wonderful feeling. Unlike with our Ns, normal people LIKE to help one another... so please remember that.
I hope you feel better soon.
Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

Support systems, line 'em up...
Appointments EVERY SINGLE DAY with someone who will give you deep listening, and serious hugs.

Time EVERY SINGLE DAY to read "big picture" things like Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, or anything by Pema Chodron, especially...

Find a local church that has a labyrinth, go walk it...

Spend time with animals. They don't judge.

Sending love and strength,
Hops

[Leah]

Spend time with animals. They don't judge.

Most certainly, Hops

Animals are loving, loyal, and always happy to see their nearest and dearest, and friends!

I grew up with dogs, and each one, was my loyal best friend, and happy to greet me.

Love, Leah

[Leah]

Just a thought, Lighter

Sea Salt Baths, enjoyed each day, after any strenuous digging in the garden - aches and weariness - I find most soothing and restoring.

Leah x

[lighter]

Right now I have a cat trying to share the keyboard with me, lol.....

no shortage of animals to love me unconditionally around here.

I planned to walk the labrynth at the Cathedral today..... girl's dentist appt's took 3 hours so missed it, darnit.

Haven't checked out the local Episcopal church yet but I have the name, address and clergy in charge, written down.

 It's just the doing that's thwarting me.

 ::wondering if they have a labrynth::  I just love incorporating different styles of footwork ,

turning....

walking backwards.....

stepping not falling forward, as we normally walk.  



Now....

Hops.... planning to see at least one supportive person a day is a great plan to start with.

Thanks for that suggestion.... I don't have to overwhelm myself with anxiety.... I can baby step into it.

Amber..... I was so sore from planting and my first cardio workout that I honestly found it hard to move, drive, motivate myself to the bathroom.  

Believe it or not, it was hardly a blip on my screen, in the big picture.

I think part of that is negative energy being released and part of it is the activity and lactic acid.  

Familiar....

an old friend come to visit.  

Not a problem.... part of the solution, as I see it.

(I'll try a good soak in muscle salts, Leah.  I have them, must remember to do that.)

It's the emotional turning towards something that's uncomfortle.

My my my......

I'd best get comfortable receiving help real soon.....

 I'm gonna need it.

I'll try to remember how it feels to give....

and accept that it's my turn to allow other's to give and feel that way towards me.

It's OK...

::nodding::

it's OK.  

::calming myself::

Thanks for that, Beth.

Lighter

[debkor]

Light,

I'm not one myself to ask for help.  It was there like it is there for you. I finally really needed help and I asked and not only did I get help I got a whole new set of friends and friends of friends.  It was really nice.

To date we all help each other even if one only has to make potato salad or sit in a hospital holding your hand.  Run over with that pair of shoes that look nicer with that dress or one call the other when one is in trouble and before you know it, They are There.  And when they need you You are There. 

It's a comforting thing when family extends beyond your family, know what I mean?


Love
Deb

[finding peace]

Lighter,

I hear you - I have a very difficult time asking anyone for help.  For me, it is basic trust issues …. but I suspect for you it is different (you had a good FOO yes?)…

For me, the best way to get past something I am resistant to, is to trace to the why of it internally – at its most basic…..

IOW – what (core belief/fear/positive intent) prevents you from asking for assistance?

Examples:

       Is it because you feel you are imposing?

       Is it because you want to be totally self-reliant?

       Is it fear that too much will be asked of you in return?

Just a thought…..and here is another one…..

Sometimes I am too overwhelmed by circumstances out of my control that all I can do is hunker down and muscle my way through my own resistance and do what I need to do to survive in the moment, and if that means asking and accepting help, I will do it – especially if my wee ones are involved….(Although I loathe it..) 

I have no doubt, whatsoever, that you can do this.

Please know that I am here, you don’t have to ask, just drop me a very, very big and obvious hint …

Peace

PS – It really hurt to read that the time of rest is over for you.  I pray that you can find time to rest in your mind as you navigate these new waters, even if it is the small space between each breath, each heartbeat.  It may only be a second, but it is there if you can remind yourself and allow yourself that respite.

and








keep








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hear, hear on the keeping our heads where our feet are

::nodding::

(and most important…..to keeping our heads no where near the neti pot ; )

(I hope that brought a smile in this difficult time …. that was my intent…. please know I am here for you….)

[teartracks]

Hi lighter,

You know how the gardening extended favor to you without asking for anything in return?  Well, now that you acknowledge the need to receive favor from other humans, the key is to approach it with the same lack of feeling threatened that you did the garden.   Then accept the grace they are ready and equipped to extend to you as freely as the garden did. 

Here's a link that might be helpful.  These guys have fielded hundreds if not thousands of questions and put their answers on video free for the listening.  I bet you'll find one on how to reach out and ask for help.  They are the guys who wrote Boundaries, Safe People,  Changes that Heal, and Integrity. 

http://www.ccn.tv/solutions/demo/

tt