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Emotional Divorce

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genuine:
Hi Everyone,

I'm a new member so I apologise if this has already been addressed. Has anyone ever emotionally divorced a NParent or NSibling? My partner and I no longer see our immediate families. Unfortunately our families are mirror images of each other. I know that I am blessed to have someone in my life who fully understands this dysfunction. It has come to a point where I am sad to say that I no longer care for them, its true. Does anyone feel this way? My NMother forced me to have an abortion at 19 years of age and has never given it a second thought, I used to see her shower affection on my 1 year old nephew and it would kill me inside. How can she dismiss what would have been her first Grandchild, I'll never know. Has anyone's Nparents ever played mind games like this? It's hard to get into this and I know my thoughts are scattered but I would love to hear your experiences.

Regards
genuine

Onyx:
Hmmm......I know how you feel. I stopped speaking to my father for a number of reasons which over time, I couldn't resolve. We never had a good relationship so to speak and I won't go on about why. I tried to put them behind me, but I couldn't. In the the end, something relatively minor tipped the scales and I just switched off!

Even to this day, some twelve years later, I don't think that I've missed a moment of being without him...I just don't give it a moments thought....until I read your post :) ! Am I wrong....probably....and I happier for not being in touch....yes! As he's not in my conscious thoughts, I don't drag the past around with me today....so yes, I'm much happier.

If you can honestly feel the same way about cutting off from your parents, then both you and they will probably be happier. We pick our friends and not our families :wink:

The trick is in watching your own behaviour for signs of theirs inside you. At times I've had to catch myself before saying or doing something in anger to my children. We share the same genes in more ways than I care to mention.....so do you! So give yourself time to reflect in future when they try to break through via you. Don't be hard on yourself, you have been programmed :shock:  :) !

We develop from generation to generation, the past doesn't have to be in our future! If it was good, then allow it. If it was bad and causes you anguish....then don't allow it to affect tomorrow! Talk if it causes you to hurt, seek therapy if it continiously causes you to cry!

Onyx

flower:
Hi genuine,

I can relate with a lot of what you are saying.


------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

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leaf:
Hi Genuine,

I too am married to a non-n the support and understanding from him helps me a great deal.

He broke contact with his n- father three years ago and no longer thinks about him.

I am at the stage where I realise my parents have no real feelings for me and am trying to detach from them.

I do not have any feelings left for them and see more clearly their guilt trips, mind games and devaluation of me as a person.

They still ring me and want to see me purely for their own selfish reasons.

I feel stronger by the day but still need support in breaking away from them.

Moonflower:
.....

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