Beth, I used to get so triggered going to my kids' school things. I would say I mostly enjoyed going to them too and I miss not going anymore. But so many times I would sit there and look around at the other parents and grandparents and seethe. My father never went to one single event of mine. My mother complained and complained until one year, due to circumstances beyond my control, our chorus concert was less than stellar, and she said, that was terrible and she was never going to anything like that again.
So, I would sit in the auditorium of my kids' things, and sometimes it would go on until 9:30 or 10pm on a work night. And I kept thinking my parents would never tolerate this for ME. And grandparents? Forget about it.
I just did not realize fully, until my kids were in school, just how much sacrifice normal parents make for their kids. How tired they get doing things for them. Things that need to be done. I feel guilty because now I think I could have done more for my kids and I wish I had. Because it goes by so fast and then it's over with. It's probably not healthy to over sacrifice. But sacrifice on some level is necessary and worth it. We definitely tried harder than our parents did, though.
My mother always says, kids are boring. I guess I couldn't have expected her to do something that might be boring to her just because it might have meant something to me.
I was embarrassed about it because in order for me to get to do more things, participate more, I would have had to impose on the other parents for rides. My mother figured they were going anyway I suppose. It never occurred to her she would have to take turns and also offer rides. I spared her that. I didn't have the chutzpah to ask others to come pick me up. Eventually all extra activities ceased.
My husband was in youth sports for awhile. He had to get himself to practices no matter how far away. He had to accept the worst equipment because his parents didn't pay for good stuff. They never went to a single game. He gave up, too.
It's their laziness and selfishness, but we ended up thinking we just weren't worth the effort. Then it really hurts when you see that other people are worth the effort to their families.
