The ex

[darren]

So, my ex keeps a blog... I can't help but peep in every once in a while and see where her life is headed.  I happen to peek in when she's in trouble... running around acting like a psychopath again.  It looks like its just a short time before her life destructs around her again.  Am I suprised?  Not really.  The new guys taken the baby and is running away as fast as he can.

Hey, thats what I did.  But now I'm low on sympathy.  A part of me laughed about it despite remembering how scary it really got at times.  A part of me wants to rejoice and point fingers and say "I TOLD YOU SO."

But then there some deep part of me buried deep... sees some crazy girl... all alone... lost... no treatment...

its just an endless cycle of destruction... and I can't save her or the guy she's doing it too. 

[Gabben]

Darren,

Do I ever know the feeling, that feeling of helplessness. It is not easy to get over an N...they into our heads and reek havoc on our peace and that is long after we have come to terms with who they are.

The healing is long and slow...I can recall the PTSD. There really is a need to cut all ties including all forms of connections to the sphere of the N or P. This is what I have done. I have cut myself off completely from anyone or anything that the N in my life could manipulate to intrude back in to my life, even if that means cutting off others and my links.

However, I still have needed to talk about the pain, over and over again.

Lise

[gratitude28]

Dear Darren,
I fret even more for the poor baby caught in the middle of it all. How can a person be sick enough to mindlessly destroy the life of a tiny child? Please remember that when you start feeling sorry for her. Let's pray that the new BF takes good care of the baby and stays far away from her. Plenty of us here have been abused by sick mothers.
Love,
Beth

[Gaining Strength]

Darren,

I want to acknowledge your post.  What jumped out at me especially is this line: its just an endless cycle of destruction...

I know that sentiment all too well, but I am also discovering that we can shift out of that despair and into a more peaceful place.  I am sorry for the experience you are describing and the pain regenerated on reading the blog but I am also glad you have that window into the insanity.  I hope for you the ability to find a way out of the agony and into the healing.

Yours - Shame Slayer

[Ami]

Dear Darren
 I could be wrong, but I sense a deep caring for her, still, no matter what has gone on between you. Was she a "once in a lifetime" connection, for you(even though you had tremendous angst with it)?
 It feels that way to me,but I could be wrong.
 I am sorry about her inability to stop her own ,and her babies, descent in to darkness. Nothing is worse that mental illness, it seems. Not having your "right" mind is a nightmare, from which you never can wake. It is endless misery and there is no way out, it seems.
 My heart goes out to her, you and the baby, Darren.    Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

I empathize with you as I watch my ex from afar as well.  I see him spin out of control on a regular basis and feel glad when I think I could be in the middle of it all.  Then I talk to him on the phone about the kids and he plays this "game" with me...........acts like a know it all.....(hello?  you are NOT fooling me!!)

I hope you and your baby stay safe and that you breathe a sigh of relief when you realize what she does.............and be thankful you are not a part of it anymore..

[darren]

I'll always care about what happens to her (but care more about removing myself from those situations.)  I don't want to see her self destruct.  It seems her latest events are finally making people recognize that what they are dealing with is a personality disorder.  I guess I have a lot of mixed emotions.  She's dragging the new boyfriends name through the dirt just like she did with me, however this time she didnt do it quite as covertly as before.  Apparently, planned parenthood rescheduled the mans appointment for a vasectomy and my ex decided that "with her vast knowledge of the medical field" that she'd just perform the vasectomy herself.  He took the baby and ran away... she's all over the internet claiming he's abducted her child and kidnapped her.. twisting and lying her butt off about the whole story.

My, it brings back memories.  The worst thing is that when you try and talk about it and find support, nobody believes these kinds of things actually happen. 

[Gaining Strength]

The worst thing is that when you try and talk about it and find support, nobody believes these kinds of things actually happen. 

It is the worst.  The original insanity by the other person is  bad, very bad. But when so called "normal" people cannot see the truth staring them in the face, spitting on them, that insanity somehow trumps the other. 

For me, I got some validation from my therapist, but I could always, ALWAYS, rationalize that I was paying him to support my thoughts.  (Of course me late husband planted that in my mind.  He feared my therapist out of his own paranoia, not out of experience or fact and so had to belittle him and his support and encouragement.) 

But it is here, finally, at long, long last, I have found some people who are courageous enough and tired enough of experiencing the same thing and who are willing to stand up and say - these people are crazy and abusive and wrong.  I have been very surprised at the support I have found here.  It has taken me two long years to believe it and receive it.  I have sought it so many places and been sucked in to believing I had found it before in places such as al-anon and yet - once I got sucked in, I got socked in the belly again.  But here I can connect to those who are healing and simply disconnect from those who sock me in the belly (metaphorically.)

I hope you can find the same thing here - true understanding and solid validation.  You deserve it.  We all deserve it.

All my best to you Darren - yours, Shame Slayer, (getting stroner every day thanks to supportive souls on VESMB.

[darren]

Thanks for the responses, everyone.  I"m a bit triggered and distracted at the moment.  Its weird watching everything I went through unfold from the outside.  I feel sorry for the people involved, but at the same time... this guy did steal my partner (though by then I was ready for somebody to take her off my hands.)  I guess thats Karma.