not wanting to take over Ami's post ...

[towrite]

I discovered a couple of years ago that things my NM did to me were sexual abuse. That was the same part of my life that I "pretended" was not there or was defined as negative. I think I honestly believed she did it for my own good, that's what she had planted in my mind. It wasn't until I learned she had tried the same thing with the son of a girl my brother was dating and later with her own grandson that I realized she was obsessed by it. Then a therapist had to define it for me. It was as tho' I came out of a cloud and could see clearly for the first time. I did not have to believe her definitions! It was a real shock to my system and I felt as tho' all at once life was far more scary, in living color, and more real than it had ever been. I've had all this hatred towards her since I was a young adult and could not voice it b/c those tapes in my head kept telling me it was my fault or that I could not complain b/c she did these things "for my good".

I wish I had a crystal ball and knew how much longer she was going to live. Maybe she'll just take a tumble down the steep stairs. I know, I know, that's not a good thing to say, but dear God I hate her so much.

Wanted you to know, Ami, how closely I can relate.

Kate

[Ami]

Dear Kate
 I am sorry we are in the same "sorority" of having  NM's who used us for their own needs, with no thought for us. Thank you so much for sharing that. It is very hard to share, but it helps in realizing it was not our fault.
 Now, I know why I relate to you, so much and have from the beginning.
 You are a precious person, Kate.  *I* can see it . *I* am seeing that I have my own identity ,separate from her.
 I will always have part of me influenced by her , but ,hopefully, I can rise above it ,finally, and move beyond her,once and for all.
  That is our hope, Kate. Thanks so much for your thread. It was a light and a comfort to me.   Love   Ami


((((Kate))))))))