Hops,
I have felt that way (living in me) the rest is space for about 20 years now. I like to feel secure and safe within my home (roof) and I can do that where ever I am and still have my roots. I can have 3 bedrooms or 6 and be in another state. I can have a mess and not feel like doing anything with it at the moment and Not and never feel it defines me. It's not me, it's just that I don't feel like it. That is all. It gets done eventually.
I had lived with my mom even after I had children I went back. When she died I could have bought my sister out and felt sad that it wasn't going to be in the family anymore. I had very strong feelings about letting it go. I took my MoMs bedroom set that I always wanted and it's sentimental to me. So my memories, my roots, are where ever I plant them. They don't go away.
Oh Hops, when I moved I even took some of my Plants. I dug up their roots and replanted them in my new home and they just keep getting bigger and bigger growing and as healthy as can be.
Yes Hops home is within our hearts and minds. As long as you have that you are home anywhere.
Light that is very true *home is where the mommy is* I can guarantee you if you had to set up house in a Cardboard Box with cut out windows and drawn on curtains and flowers against the outside with crayon's, Your children would have picked living with you and loved it then a Mansion with a Pony because they were with you.
My children never once ever felt anxiety when I moved in with my Mom and out of my Moms to another State. They always felt roots just be planted in a new space but roots they had. They always felt home. Home could be at their Aunts, My moms, my cousins, my friends (not the house or the location) but within themselves and the other people.
But my space I where I lived I can say was a personal part of me, in my memories, in my childhood, teen, married and still is in my Memories which had to do with my roots. So I moved and they came with me it still is personal to me (in memory) and still with me, like I said, even my plants (for real) and I'm home.
I don't know if I would have even thought this way honestly if I did not have the experience I had with my ex. I really do think (IMO) that although it was hellish and traumatic I came out with something I may have never realized and as crazy as it is going to sound it was to my benefit and a Great Learning experience. Of course I didn't feel that way till things settled down and I felt more relaxed and thought
so this is whats its all about, I have less, I am in a different place and I'm Happy cause it was always in my heart/my home/my memories/ my own skin and mind. And that can be replanted in any Space you go to.
I always like to talk about this. I really mean it when I say you can be happy more happy then you have ever been when you find out that it is all about your heart when you let go of possessions and space. You might think I'm crazy but I learned so much from my experience and it was a good lesson learned.
Hops you should fight for your house. It is something you want and I do think you have a good chance. If something is to happen and it does not work out the way you want it, your memories, your roots, will just be replanted in another location because they lay deep within your heart.
Love
Deb
