Question for reflection & discussion...

[sKePTiKal]

How do you define "healed"?

I've been searching for some clinical definition of this, and the ONLY thing I've come up with so far is this:
" You just don't think about it much, anymore ".

OK, I can buy that as part of a definition; and I think there's a lot of value in that simple statement. But it got me thinking that each of us probably has very personal definitions - involving goals, hopes & dreams... so I wondered if we could collectively come up with a definition. No rush - I'm still chewing on this, too. In fact, I think the more time we take to reflect on this - what do I think qualifies as "healed" for me - the closer we'll get to a more universal definition.

I guess what got me thinking about this, was visiting the coping.org website the other day - and recognizing myself in a lot of definitions of people with "issues". And then I realized that this recognition was based on me BEFORE therapy; BEFORE beginning to deal with buried experiences & feelings of the past. I wondered: is this a recognition of who I was or who I am? And I had to admit that I've been changing over this process and the way I've defined/labelled/diagnosed myself in the past, was no longer as accurate a picture of me NOW.

So, thinking of "state of being" as a continuum (something I mentioned in my very first post here)... with then & now & later as points on this continuum, I wondered if there was point that could be considered "healed" on it??? What's the criteria??? Where are all the web pages and books that describe this "state of being", ya know? And where am I now? When does our experience of our SELVES and LIFE become just being a human being???

More concretely, I know I've obsessed on quitting smoking as a personal definition of "healed". Like it was some existential TEST that I had to pass, to earn the title "healed". uh.... DUH. How silly is that? It's still my primary project, tho.

Then, there are emotions - expressing them... learning to ask for what I want/need... maintaining safe boundaries... all that stuff has gotten better for me. Of course, I want the whole enchilada - the perfect world - but life/experience doesn't work that way; it TOO is a continuum, with extreme highs/lows and lots of stuff in between... so maybe my expectations & my secret wish of some miraculous nirvana that will be permanent is sort of primitive and childish... not saying it's wrong or impossible; I don't know that.

Well, then - what about right & left brain integration? Healing those old injuries? Well - that's also happening. We are doing some interesting push-hands right now - where facing each other, we touch hands on each side of the body, then alternate hands/movements. If you "think" about it - how to do it (Lbrain) - you can't do it. If you let go and just let Rbrain & body work together - you can. And now we're trying to add back in the basics - exact wrist & palm positions - which require R&L to work together, with Rbrain being the leader....

... and the odd thing is I noticed that doing this FEELS GOOD; it's fun, happy, and whether you get it "right" or not doesn't matter. I didn't want to stop last night - it was THAT cool... and I've noticed that push-hands work is transferring into my solo form, improving it. I no longer chant the names of the positions to myself anymore - tho' left brain still keeps track - and Rbrain awareness means I'm doing the form from a completely different awareness within myself. Progress on that front, too.

Now, I believe that humans are tasked with life-long working on themselves - continuous self-improvement. But does it have to be 24/7? Is that kind of mindset maybe counterproductive? Doesn't SOME of that self-improvement come from just "going with the flow", "hanging out" & "smelling the roses"??? Just being, in other words. Does letting that belief GO - or become less important - do anyone any harm? And isn't constantly looking for our own flaws, "issues" and areas for improvement just a continuation of trying to put on a mask, become something ELSE (not our SELVES) that will gain us our "stamp of approval" from the powers that be? Our "clean bill of health" - our certificate stating we are healed? That we are "OK"?

What about breaking/changing our distorted habits, routines, ways of seeing, thinking & feeling about ourselves? Does that qualify?

Musing, looking, thinking, feeling... about all this stuff. It "feels" intuitively, like I'm on to something - but I don't have a sense of certainty, sureness about it yet. Maybe all I've considered so far is just MY definition, for myself.

Love to hear what you all think... what your definitions are.

[lighter]

How do you define "healed"?

I've been searching for some clinical definition of this, and the ONLY thing I've come up with so far is this:
" You just don't think about it much, anymore ".

OK, I can buy that as part of a definition; and I think there's a lot of value in that simple statement. But it got me thinking that each of us probably has very personal definitions - involving goals, hopes & dreams... so I wondered if we could collectively come up with a definition. No rush - I'm still chewing on this, too. In fact, I think the more time we take to reflect on this - what do I think qualifies as "healed" for me - the closer we'll get to a more universal definition.

Love to hear what you all think... what your definitions are.

I think healing takes place when we've transcended our pasts....and begin living in the moment.

Not living with our hearts and minds turned to the past.

Ghosts....

hopes.....

unfinished heartbreak, forever tapping us on the shoulder....

setting the tempo of our lives.

 Driving us to make the same unhappy choices, over and over again....

leaving us in a very familiar postion....

stunned and in pain....

confused after trying so hard to make better choices. 

And yet.... there we are again.

When we've put appropriate boundaries in place.....

 can fully and consistently enforce them.....

 no matter how loud the tapping becomes....

we're healed?

To do that... IMO.....

 we have to let the ghosts have their say, let them scream about their pain....

roll around messily in the light.

Even though we feel we can't survive it.

And maybe we can't.

Maybe part of us doesn't make it through the fire. 

The part that used old coping mechanisms, and couldn't move beyhond?

So....

 we acknoweldge the tapping......

 the sadness......

sink deeply into it then.....

give up all hope.

Ouch.

That sounds even darker than just surviving. 

I sounds like not surviving.

So dark.

Like that path would lead us deeper, not into the light.

After all..... we don't have anything to replace our coping strategies with.

Yet.

So....  that leads to researching alternatives and making new selections.

Putting them in place while breaking lifelong habits.

Again....

ouch.

Lots of discomfort and pain but without the pain there's no motivation to change, is there?

Walking through the fire, on purpose, doesn't seem like it would lead to serenity, on the face of it.

But that's my definition of healing and restoring the soul.

Living in the moment and making happy choices, bc we feel we deserve happiness.

Still not sure about all that.

I haven't thought it through as deeply as you have, Amber.

For me.... it's been the same definition for a long long time.

Thanks for this thread.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I think I'm healed when I'm resting in my body, feeling safe there.
Feeling relaxed.
Not buzzing.

In flow.

(But it's erratic, I don't think "healed" is a static state, that once you get there you never buzz again...just that the intervals get farther and farther apart. Actually, maybe with age, it really does go away entirely. How else would the very old, so much closer to the jolly reaper, be cheerful?)

xo
Hops

[Changes]

Hi-

I had a wonderful psychologist /sage who said that being able to recognize your own gentle heartbeat was the point of healing and peace (not exactly his words except the heartbeat part)- in other words, the noises of the past and furture have gone silent. I do experience this sometimes of late- nirvana!

Love and Peace,

Changes