Depression
vs.
Spiritual
Purgation All of us, in the process of growing from children to adults, require encouragement, reassurance, appreciation, and approval from others. Classic psychodynamic theory calls these things narcissistic supplies. And most of us, as we become adults, develop an inner sense of confidence and self-esteem which does not depend on constant external reinforcement.
There will be times, however, when it seems that these narcissistic supplies have been lost, whether through loss of love, or loss of security, or loss of self-esteem itself, and we will tend to feel angry. Normally, the anger is directed toward the person responsible for the loss we feel. But it often happens that this anger also becomes turned against the self. And then that self-directed anger becomes self-blame—and guilt.
So why does anger get turned toward the self? It might happen out of a perception that you could have done something to protect yourself from being so vulnerable to loss, and, having failed to do it, you feel deserving of condemnation. It could be that someone from your past treated you like an object for his or her own pleasure and you come to believe that you are nothing but garbage. It could be that the person responsible for the hurt in the first place was someone loved, and it might feel too psychologically risky to feel anger for such a person. After all, the person might withdraw “love” in retaliation. Or it might happen that the hurt was caused by some trauma or disaster, and, though you might blame God, if you’re at all religious, you can’t allow yourself to feel angry with God—so you blame yourself while secretly hating God.
So there you are, trapped in self-hatred, a lonely victim, stuck in “anger turned inwards,” right in the middle of depression.
Now, as described by the great mystic Saint John of the Cross, spiritual purgation can afflict souls with “abandonment, supreme poverty, dryness, cold, and sometimes heat. They find relief in nothing, nor does any thought console them. . . .” [3] This sounds quite a bit like depression. But there is a big difference.
As Saint John of the Cross points out, the oppressive afflictions experienced in purgation are caused by the very flame of God which imparts his love. Purgation is, therefore, an act of God’s love, and even though our narcissistic supplies may be stripped from us as a spiritual process, the purpose of it all is to bring the soul’s infirmities to light: “they are set before its eyes to be felt and healed.” [4]
In depression there is nothing but darkness, yet it is not seen as darkness or recognized as darkness. Blind to divine reality, this darkness seems to be the only reality. “For it is impossible to perceive one’s darknesses without the divine light focusing on them.” [5]
In contrast to depression, in willingly accepting our spiritual purgation and confronting our own darknesses—however oppressing it may feel—we experience love, not anger. Nor does spiritual purgation cause us to feel self-hatred, because the sorrow we feel for our sins and inadequacies, rather than being an obstacle to our progress, is the first step on the path to divine love.
And it is also a step to real prayer and a step away from common, popular “prayer” which in effect says to God, “I didn’t study for this test, so please help me pass it anyway.” Real prayer depends on your being able to recognize the depths of your own helplessness and vulnerability and to embrace divine grace honestly and openly through a life of humble obedience and genuine forgiveness.
In the end, it’s the only path away from being a “victim.”
Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D.
A Guide to Psychology and its Practice
www.GuideToPsychology.com
