I enjoyed this so much. Lighter
November
Elsewhere in this Newsletter, Shirley Tilden has summarized the 2001 Annual OAAPT Conference. Paul Huschilt presented a version of the following story to close the conference. The story allegorically summarizes the proceedings of the conference. What really took place at OAAPT 2001 'In the Grip' Conference lies perhaps, somewhere between Shirley's summary, and Paul Huschilt's entertaining tale.
This story is dedicated to Doris Lowell and Linda Orme, co-chairs of the 2001 Annual OAAPT Conference, for their tireless efforts which made the conference a success. It is also dedicated to Naomi L Quenk, our 2001 plenary presenter, for being such a good sport at her conference on stress, and for agreeing to be included in the following remounted classic.
Snow White and The 7 Dorises
Once upon a time, there was a young woman who was more fair than the driven STJs. She was quite sure about her own virtues. Her stepmother (INTJ) knew all too well how fair her step-daughter was. She had lived with Snow White's innate qualities since the girl had been 13 years old, and almost totally undifferentiated. They lived together in a great castle, on the edge of a dark forest.
Snow White was 28 years old and unattached. She was home again after a stint at a prestigious university where she got a Ph.D. so she could get other things she wanted.
One day, Snow White's stepmother stood in the hall and asked a great mirror, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, whose the fairest of them all?” In the silence that followed, the mirror showed a slight preference for introversion. Its shiny surface steamed as it thought out its answer to this troubling question.
Then, the mirror spoke:
'T's are fairest I would say
Whether 'T' is coupled with 'P' or 'J'.
But still there is one who is not a 'T'
Who is fairer still than you or me.
Snow White is the one that I can see
And she is an 'I', 'N', 'F' and 'P'.
Snow White's step-mother, grew instantly green with envy. Her extroverted dominant function fell still. It was dumbfounded. Her introverted auxiliary lodged in her throat. Her tangled tertiary dangled like burned out Christmas lights about her beleaguered aura. In the little psychic space left over, Snow White's stepmother slid into the grip of her inferior function.
She projected her inferior extroverted sensing function in the form of an amateur rendition of a Gilbert & Sullivan patter song, which on any other day, in any other instant in fact, her intact persona would have dismissed as trivial, beneath her, an 'NF' activity even.
Snow White's stepmother sang:
(Sung to I am the very model of a modern Major General, from The Pirates of Penzance.)
I am the very model of a dominant intuitive
My introverted nature makes me a quiet one with whom to live
Decisive not divisive, my opinion I will duly give
When I am feeling centered in my head, which is the place I live.
Now in the hall this mirror tall has told me I am not most fair
If that's not gall, I am appalled, with an NFP I am compared
Snow White is right and fair it said announcing with finality
I'll whip her with a whip-like quip pronouncing her fatality!
As Snow White, virtuous INFP, heard her stepmother's whip-like quip, (from which she felt duly ripped), she slid into the grip of her own inferior function, exiting the castle as she did so.
Snow White, (INFP) ran into the shadowy forest without a map, and even less of a sense of direction. She ran and she ran and she ran and she ran, until she was in the darkest part of the forest - the part of the forest that Jung would have referred to as her own shadow - and, which Freud would have referred to as her father's shadow.
She ran and she and she ran and she ran through the darkest part of the forest. Before she knew it, she was running down Dixie Road in Mississauga, a city with a strong preference for 'S'. (Mississauga.) Without knowing why, she ran into the Stage West Theatre and Hotel Complex. She ran into the Algonquin Room and into OAAPT's 'In the Grip' Conference.
As she entered, the guest speaker rose, stood at the front, and spoke. Snow White could not believe her eyes. It was none other than Naomi Quenk (INFP) Ph..D, also 28, but who lied about her age to get more speaking engagements.
Welcome to “In the Grip, Type and the Inferior Function” said Naomi Quenk with the authority of having spoken those words in Oslo, and perhaps Peru. “Your inferior is not your shadow,” she began, as the sensing delegates glanced nervously over their shoulders taking in the import of these words. “No, no,” she added, “Your inferior is the popsicle stick, your shadow is the popsicle.”
“Ohhhh” said the delegates.
“Now take 5 minutes, and introduce yourselves at your tables,” said Naomi Quenk, INFP, Ph.D..
As fate would have it, Snow White found herself sitting at a table with 7 Dorises (ESFJ). At Snow White's table, there was Doris, Co-chair of the Annual OAAPT Conference, beside herself 7 times over from the stress of having done such a wonderful job attending to the myriad of details to pull the conference off, seemingly without a hitch.
Before anybody could slip into the grip, it was lunch time. All of the delegates, gathered around the buffet table to feast on the bottom half of sandwiches.
After lunch, Naomi Quenk, (INFP), Ph.D. divided the group into type-alike groups. Snow White joined a table of INFPs, while the 7 Dorises dispersed to their own type-alike type table.
Write your triggers, your grip experiences, what helps, what hinders, and what knowledge you gained” commanded Naomi Quenk, (INFP) Ph.D. getting a little too sure of herself to still appear authentically INFP. And so, gentle reader, the groups set to work, to the discord of conflicting preferences. They filled the room with what, in polite company is often referred to, as noise.
Before break, the group heard from the single ESTJ present at the conference. He summarized the essence of ESTJs so succinctly proving what many suspected but had never voiced, “One ESTJ is all you ever need.” The INFPs present were so taken by his presentation that they extended him an offer to become an honorary INFP, (an invitation he politely declined).
After the break, the INTJs presented their type in the form of a heart-felt sing-a-long song.
(Sung to Eidelweiss)
Verse 1
Don't give me advice
Don't give me advice
Don't give me advice when I'm gripping.
If you give me advice, I might slap you twice
Don't give me advice when I'm gripping
Then, all of the delegates sang the chorus in unison.
All:
Shut your mouth up but don't leave me alone.
Don't leave me alone, not ever.
Don't give me advice
Don't give me advice
Don't give me advice when I'm gripping.
Verse 2
For the sake of your life, when you talk to your wife
To your spouse, to your child, or your loved one.
Don't give them advice, or you'll pay the price
They have slipped in the grip, coming undone.
CHORUS
Shut your mouth up but don't leave me alone.
Don't leave me alone, not ever.
So take my advice, and don't give advice
If you want to live longer than never.
The ENFJs present were so moved by the INTJs display, that they cancelled their own presentation and sang Kumbaya instead. Several INTPs sat at the bank, singing, “Blah blah blah, I'm bored, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, I'm bored, blah blah blah ...”
At day's end, Snow White gathered her stress balls and proceeded to the Wine and Cheese reception hosted by the board of directors, along with the 7 Dorises (ESFJ). When Snow White entered the reception, the 7 Dorises still slightly stressed, handed her a tray of sausage triangles and cheese, saying, “Eat this and nobody gets hurt.”
The next morning, everything that was supposed to happen, happened but not at the right time. The Master of Ceremonies, who was trying to keep things on schedule, slid into the grip.
As the conference wound down, most of the delegates returned home happy; happy that they had not volunteered for the board. For the two or three that did volunteer for the board, their tertiary functions began to hum. Their inferiors were set to pop.
Sensing it unwise to return home to the palace, Snow White, stepped into the parking lot of the Stage West Hotel and entertainment complex. As she did, she noticed the artist formerly known as Prince, slip out of a limousine and through the stage door of the Stage West Theatre Complex. Snow White, a fan from way back, followed him closely.
As the curtain rose over a sea of blue rinse, Snow White, sitting in the fourth row, looked up at the artist formerly known as Prince. His performance in Alan Ayckbourn's hit What we do for Love, was brilliant. Snow White watched, imagining what her life might look like if he, the artist formerly known as Prince, were to play a central role.
As the second act of What we do for Love sprang into play, Naomi Quenk, (INFP) Ph.D. approached airport security with a live stress ball in her OAAPT bag - but that is another story.
[THE END]
Paul Huschilt is a professional speaker, storyteller and facilitator. He lectures on the benefits of humour in the workplace, and distills the events at conferences into entertaining one-man performances. He can be reached at .
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