big realization

[Hopalong]

I have not been dealing with the necessary paperwork and have let things pile up to a crisis point (AGAIN) because:

I
am
trying
to
prove
my
brother
was
correct
about
me

(and my mother)

UGH
AAACCK

Shake and shudder.

Hops

[Certain Hope]

 

but why?

Hops, what is the dynamic behind all that and what purpose does it serve?

Ack!  I want to get it, but I don't.

Is it like being type-cast?

((((((((((Hops)))))))))))  whatever it is, I know you can overcome it!!

Love,
Carolyn

[Izzy_*now*]

Aww Hops

You mean you are trying to prove him right?

Love
Iz

[Ami]

I get it ,Hops. We DO try to "fufil" childhood expectations of ourselves .
So many "motivations" are unconscious. I respect you for sharing that, Hops.
Bringing s/thing up to the light of day is the first step in letting it go. Here is to "letting it go".   Blessings ,Hops    Ami

[Gaining Strength]

BINGO!!!!!

I can do for others the things I cannot do for myself - why?
proving my parents were right - keeping the dynamic in tack until it can get worked out  correctly
doing the same thing over and over and over waiting for THEIR reaction to change

[Hopalong]

Hi Carolyn, Izz...

It's been unconscious self-sabotage. Feeling paralysed and knowing that it will undermind me not to act, but not acting anyway. Making the whole situation worse.

SS, Ami,
Yup.

Horrible sensation. Broke through enough this morning to stem some drastic problems, but a mountain (a bigger, neglected mountain) awaits.

Even a small breakthrough helps. Now that this is conscious it will be more difficult to avoid.

Thanks, love,
Hops

[Certain Hope]

Thanks, Hops.

What is the best way to encourage you through this then... without creating further resistance?

Been thinking on this since you posted and I think my deal is more one of obstinance... which may or may not be the same root of self-sabotage.

Love,
Carolyn