Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Stomping out the doubt in your life - update
Anonymous:
Hi Flower:
Now this is probably going to sound really silly but your saying my words validated your situation actually validated my situation, because what you are really saying is that my words make sence, which gives me a real feeling of validation and helps me to not feel so isolated, in that you experienced something similar, and therefore I'm not batty for thinking about my situation like that, and putting it into those words (and I really needed that validation. Thankyou so very much).
I'm glad to hear of your family's wonderful experience with this doctor. It sounds like the doc will be invaluable real soon.
Hope everyone is healing well today.
s
Anonymous:
Ditto here Flower and thanks again.
Glad to hear you had a good day and hope tomorrow is better.
Mine was pretty good too -so all this validating is a wonderful thing, isn't it?
As a matter of fact, I might add that to my list of good things to admire in others and something to work on developing: good validating skills. I think I will.
Please let me know how the doctor works out as this is so important for your family and something I am interested to hear about. And for the record, I think it's just wonderful that your daughter wants you around as backup support and it shows how much she trusts you and relies on your input. You must be a great mom! Way to go!
s
Anonymous:
What a lovely quote/line/set of words.
Now I have a picture of a beautiful flower swaying in the cool breeze, on a hot summer day, in the huge, vastly populated field of life! (swaying, mind you, and bending with the flow, not wilting or breaking, just swaying to and fro and elegantly so).
Keep on swaying Flower! That's a good goal for all of us maybe?
To sway in the cool breeze that may pass by us on a hot summer day, eh?
Ok, so enough of my depictions. Enjoy today!
s
Discounted Girl:
This is still a great thread ... all of the posts are so on target and helpful.
you know earlier Flower you mentioned something about the Nparents with little regard and looking down their noses at us, and if we were "such losers" why did they slurp up the attention we used to pay to them.
Boy, are you ever right. I remain in shock that such an old bag as the NQueenmother could pull off so much on so many -- it's truly amazing. She needs to go over to Afghanistan and sniff out bin laden.
Anyhow, I remember conversations with both my parents when I would hear remarks like "maybe things will get better for you soon." I would suddenly feel deflated -- I didn't know things were bad for me ????? The only bad thing was them, but I didn't know that then. They would ignore my job, which was a really good one with a high powered law firm where I was respected and appreciated. I made a better salary than both of them combined had ever made in their lives. I put my 2 boys through college and one through grad school. I owned my own home at 23. I never asked them for anything. I had 2 wonderful kids and friends and I thought it was a pretty good life and all the while they were in the background (in the vile darkness) shaking their heads, nodding "I knew she would fail," searching with magnifiers for flaws, telling lies and plotting smear campaigns. Meanwhile I was Betty Booping along, innocent as you please, thinking I was Ozzie and Harriet's daughter. What an idiot I was ,, hahaha ,,, that old bag sure pulled a number on me and I am starting to see the part my Dad played in it as well.
Like you say, they sure slurped up the worshipping factor -- bowing and giving in to the old bag all the time -- sacrificing my self-respect, my desires, my rights -- how sickening. Expecting, expecting, always pushing for more -- suck me dry was her goal. Drain that girl till she is just a shell, then she will crumble and we can point and say "see I told you she was worthless."
I can still see her sitting in her chair, waiting for the "kiss" -- like she was a freakin' queen and we had to kneel at her throne and be honored by her touch or attention. Then to stand back and watch the games she played with brother dear and his greedy wife and greedy, fake-ass daughter -- where is the barf bag??!!! They all swap their sugar coated fake comments back and forth -- I tell you there would be very little oxygen left in the room. One time I had a panic attack witnessing all that. I thought I would surely die there in the house if I could not get out that door and run. I held out and went into the bathroom and saw red streaks all around my throat and perspiration on my face. Praying really hard and cold water was the only thing that got me through that night. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
Well, I hope this thread keeps chugging along. Thanks to all of you. :)
Anonymous:
Hi Flower,
Kiss your husband and stay strong. I understand your worry about the ambulance. I don't think you can ever be too careful when dealing with N's. Just the fact that you were even thinking something could happen should sound the alarm. I never thought that my father could ever do anything to harm me or my family. He tried to run my son off the road and we think he ripped the rearview mirror off his car. They can justify everything and lie about anything. Don't ignore any little voices!
Money is probably the most important thing to a N. Because they have no sense of self, it's an extension of themselves. My parents never paid for a dinner, a vacation or even a gallon of milk. They felt entitled to everthing we had. We are only as good (and loved) as long as we were constantly giving. My brother is still on that tightrope and is not very happy with me since I escaped the spider web. Another thing N parents do is divide and conquer. They have more control. They also have a "chosen" one. This makes other siblings jealous and insecure. It seems like the chosen is more loved, but they are chosen only to make the N parent look good. If one is more financially successful or has a talent the N parent can brag about to other people, they are chosen. It has absolutely nothing to do with who the chosen person is, just what they are. If something better comes along, the chosen one is cruelly dismissed. I know, I was the chosen one. I pray for my family every day. It really helps. Stay strong and don't waver. Dinny
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