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Stomping out the doubt in your life - update

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bunny:
flower,

Boy, are you lucky that your H is willing to enforce the boundary with your parents.  :lol:  My H wouldn't take on my parents in a million years. He was scared of his own mother. You don't have to face your parents if your H is willing to deal with them. The only thing that matters is that they are kept at a safe distance. It doesn't matter who the enforcer is. The enforcement itself is the crucial thing.

bunny

Michelle:
**************************************************************************************************************************]*************************************************************

(Fireworks)  :lol:
Yeah Flower!

That's awesome!  Your husband is a great man!  I'm so happy for you that you kept walking - good for you.  I also would've been thinking the worst about the ambulance - paranoia on my part.  Working on that though.   :wink:

Big hugs for you.  And a pat on the back for you & your hubby!

Love, Michelle

Michelle:
Oops - sorry I made the post so wide.  not sure what happened.  

 :oops:

Michelle

Anonymous:
Flower said:

"It seems in a relationship doing things out of love and loyalty should be natural, but the Ns count every single penny and feel we owe them for everything they have done. "

Actually, in my case, I'm the one who spent all the pennies and she never seemed to notice.  I did not expect anything in return for what I gave to her but the demands she made upon me and her saying that I "owed" her caused something inside me to finally.........burst.   I was shocked and so very hurt and completely stunned for a few days.  All I did was cry.  I just sort of felt as if she was pushing me off some kind of emotional cliff.  I remember thinking:

"I can't believe she really thinks I owe her anything" but I knew this thought was denial.  She did really think I owe her everything.  She thinks the whole world owes her everything because she is above everyone else.

Thanks for your support back to me Flower.  I did things out of love and loyalty and it was natural for me and you put that into words for me and validated my situation.  For the n...there is no love or loyalty and that's what really hurts.  My relationship with her was a big lie.  It was imaginary.  I had a relationship with what I wanted her to be and behaved as I would want to be treated.  She sucked everything she could get from me and then spit in my face, laughing her way out the door.   I feel sorry for a person like that who feels no sorrow for such behaviour and who does not value love and loyalty, who can throw it away so easily.  They are truly the people who are losing out on some priceless stuff in life.

Anonymous:
Hello everyone,


--- Quote ---I just sort of felt as if she was pushing me off some kind of emotional cliff.
--- End quote ---


This is exactly the image I have in my head along with my pastor (a big gruff bear of a man) who I visualize pulling me back from the edge by the seat of my pants and dropping me on the ground saying "Not today."  He's been there and knew exactly what I was going through.

My Ndad is an expert guilt-tripper and bully, but stops at the insidious, devious machinations of my NSIL.  Everything with her was under the radar.   :evil:  And she was a major league scorekeeper, too, as you all describe.  She lives in a beautiful house and would siphon stuff off us serfs in the mudpiles.  Really exploitative.  Ugh.  I, too, treated her the way I wanted to be treated.  What a joke.  Nothing changed.  

Hugs, Seeker

Hugs to you all, Seeker

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