Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

tips for raising self esteem?

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ch:

--- Quote from: Dawning --- I like the feeling of being angry and punching the N in the face and saying, *hey, I've got something say too!*

--- End quote ---


Hi Dawning.
Glad you liked the questions and took the liberty to answer them.  I like what you voiced about anger.  Most children of Nparents tend to skip this phase, but i would like to remind everyone the importance of getting that anger out to ensure proper healing.  Most of us were not allowed to get angry, and feared it so much.
It is high time we express that child's anger as soon as possible before it grows into a cancer, or another personality disorder!!!  Yikes!! :x

I think it was terrible of Nparents to instill and project their FEAR of failure onto children.  We, as adults, now need to resolve this fear.  
I think it is ok to fail as long as you learn something.  
One time, i was so bored with my data entry job at a dead end company, that i decided to purposefully MAKE MISTAKES, so that i could call the computer expert over and watch him fix it.  I did it so many times, they must have thought i was an idiot.  How could one crash a computer from data entry!!! :lol:  

I'm not too sure about your thoughts on achievements.  Let's start a new topic on that!!

Dawning:
About *fantasies*:  there is a thread on the board called *Imaginary Life* that touches on this.  There haven't been very many replies but it really spoke to me.

These days, I am channeling my imagination into creativity.  I aim to change my meaning of what it means to *achieve.*   I think this somehow relates to self-esteem issues as well.

Anonymous:
I am the same guest from the first post.
Those are some good suggestions and questions... Thanks for engaging me on this one.
When I say I focus on my failures, I think I mean I can do lots of things really well in a day, but I dwell on the mistakes.  One mistake counts more than several successes.
I know logically that everyone makes mistakes, and that it is ok, but in that place beyond logic I equate mistakes and failures with being unworthy.
I do learn from mistakes, but It still really stinks to make them.  I think I focus on failure and use the bad feeling as a motivator to do better next time.  But that puts a lot of pressure on myself and it really stresses me out.

I appreciated the anger thing too.  I have a hard time allowing myself to be angry.  I think often little girls are taught that anger is unacceptable. We must be sweet to everyone all the time.  I have read somewhere that anger that doesn't get expressed is often turned inward and can become depression.  

I have thought about a few achievements, but I always attribute them to luck or something outside myself.  I think if I could focus on my achievements, I could use that as motivation to succeed.  I would go into new experiences with much more confidence.

If I focus on failure the self talk sounds like, "I'm so bad at...  I better not even try to do... "
If I focus on achievement the self talk sounds like "I am really good at... I bet I could do..."

Dawning:
Guest.   :)  :)  


--- Quote ---If I focus on failure the self talk sounds like, "I'm so bad at... I better not even try to do... "
If I focus on achievement the self talk sounds like "I am really good at... I bet I could do..."
--- End quote ---


Thank you so much for sharing this insight.  I LOVE it.  

<<<<Guest>>>>

Anonymous:
Hi Guest


--- Quote ---I have thought about a few achievements, but I always attribute them to luck or something outside myself.  
--- End quote ---

I had this hapening in me too  :shock:. And up until about as recently as 6 months ago. Then a poster here by the name of Wildflower (((WF))) spoke about 'The Imposter Syndrome'. It's very enlightening stuff. And I surfed the net about it and read about and it. There is alot of stuff on the net about it. It  really unravelled a whole new dimension of my thinking and beliefs and self-disbeliefs that was operating very strongly and negatively in me. It might just be worth checking out.


--- Quote ---If I focus on achievement the self talk sounds like "I am really good at... I bet I could do..."
--- End quote ---
[/quote]
It's funny, I've had some fairly good business success at times, and whenever I would talk about it, I always attributed it to external factors, like luck, timing, good support, great staff, etc. That's how I really saw it. I never really saw it as my achievment.  And whenever talking about it, I never took the credit for anything. For some reason, I really didn't think I had anything to do with it working.

Poor self-image stuff hand in hand with hard work and diligence and accomplishment.

Now  :D , I've accepted and have learned to recognise and accept that it was mostly due to my good sense of timing, and my ability to to recognise an opportunity, and my ability to find good support, and my ability to pick good staff. But 'THAT' was almost totally impossible for me to see, and therefore say, even as short as 6 months ago.

If you're already aware of, and you've already been introduced to the material on the Imposter Syndrome, then, hahah as you were!  :D

CG

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