Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Revenge of the Ns
Lizbeth:
Sorry, that was me above, forgot to log in.
ch:
--- Quote from: Anonymous ---
I'm not sure if his N behavior comes from what we all went through in the house from N hubby #2 or from direct inheritence from his father.
--- End quote ---
Hmm,... the old nature vs nurture debate. I'm still waiting to hear what the latest research has to say about this. In your #1 son's case, it sounds like both. But I would lean more toward NURTURE only because of my own situation.
I was born from a Nmother and it is hard to believe that i would inherit the N gene from her. I admit i am an Nsupplier or N-enabler, but never an N. The proof is in all my failed relationships with Nmen--a pattern that i am now aware of and need to break once and for all. For sure, i could never be an N.
However, i do see that the N gene might have been passed down to both my younger siblings both of whom were directly raised by Nmother during the wealthy Reagan years. I, on the other hand, was sent away in the late 60's to be raised by relatives from infancy to 5 years old, so my personality was already formed just in time to defy and reject my sick Nparents upon reuniting with them at age 5. It's no wonder that i got the worst treatment of all the kids, afterall, i was not molded by them, and did not conform. I was a strong feisty kid, but i had to keep silent and pretend that all was well in our household. After so many years of pretending, i guess i forgot about my TRUE self for a long time. And in my adulthood, things did not work out smoothly as was expected, so i started to work on myself and find the cause of all my problems. My defense system was running on autopilot for so long, protecting me, that i forgot i had very sick and cruel parents. A few years ago, a very wise mentor and trusted friend pointed me in the direction of my parents as the root cause of my troubles getting on with normal life. If it were not for him, i would have spent more years living in the dark, and unknowingly protecting the abusers. Also, I am so glad to find this group, so i could find my real self and celebrate my life again.
Lisbeth, it sounds like you have done all you could for your children. And you are right to set boundaries with them in teaching responsibility.
Also, i think i know what you mean about GOOD LOOKS. My Nmother was born very pretty (like Shirley Temple), and leaned on looks so much all through life that she is lacking in any virtue and good character. I always thought it was a curse to be so good looking. But, as we all know, looks don't stay forever, and as that happens, the N traits only get worst.
Anonymous:
Hi Lizbeth and ch,
Hope you don't mind me jumping in.
That is a powerful cautionary tale, Lizbeth. I think I'm glued to Court TV SP trial because of the terrible reminder that the Devil is a handsome man. It is scary just how charming some can be while they are looking at you as only an object of self-gratification. (shiver.)
My personal theory is that N is somewhat genetic. I read a research article that hit the newspapers earlier this year that seemed to suggest that empathy fires up a certain part of the brain and some people (guess who?) don't light up their lives during the MRI. The empathy :idea: bulb is dark.
My T, however, insists that N is due to trauma during the first three years of life. (I wonder if being born second counts as narcissistic trauma; many Ns I know are #2 in birth order.) Maybe it's a combination of some psychosis or disorder that pre-exists which leads to rejection and resultant Narcissism. I have two siblings and only one of us is N and we all faced the same rejection that Nsibling did. So go figure.
This is only a pet theory of mine. Thanks for letting me butt in.
Peace, Seeker
ch:
Hi Seeker,
Thanks for that bit of interesting news about the MRI.
And guess what? My Nsister is 2nd born. And she is So controlling. She bossed the 3rd child around growing up because they are close in age and he is the only boy and got the best treatment. SHe went neck to neck with Nmother to even things out at home. I remember when she turned 5, I ( at age 12) was very frightened of sharing the same bedroom with her. She was a very angry and vengeful child, and increasingly difficult. I remembered that i felt so bad that i offered her all my clothes, and put make-up on her and took some very glamorous photos for her.
As with all N's, once you stop doing good things for them, they think you are the meanest person on earth. She did not invite me to her wedding last year. However, she made it very clear in her emails that she would be expecting wedding gifts, despite we haven't been in touch for almost a decade.
Years later, i often heard Nmother say that my sister and her had the same genes while evidently, me and brother took to father's enabling style more. Yikes!! We all need help very badly.
I think your pet theory is right!!
Moonflower:
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