Author Topic: I talked to my family  (Read 3487 times)

Sela

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Re: I talked to my family
« Reply #15 on: July 03, 2008, 08:45:11 PM »
Hiya Tayana,

I guess you have to go with what your gut tells you to do.  If you want to go and have a plan to deal with your mother or if you decide not to go....either way I bet it's painful to decide.  Look at it this way.....

no one will die either way eh?

Sela

changing

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Re: I talked to my family
« Reply #16 on: July 04, 2008, 03:47:44 AM »
Hi Tay-

Sorry about your accident- it sounds really horrible. Please listen to H and take it easy...the move will get done, but the important thing now is for you to heal properly.

I read the note from your mother with sadness and shock. You were so worried and hurting about how to contact your father for Father's Day, and work yourself to the bone for your son, and have done so much so well!!! It seems almost like your own mother is envious of you and is reacting in a graceless way- such a pity, when you would gladly share your happiness with her. It also sounds a bit odd, as if she has very poor social skills and may need help with her emotional intelligence skills as well- the talk about showing up at your home is just plain odd as she seems to expect that you would be there magically whenever she desires you to be, as well as being prepared and able to accommodate her whenever she makes a surprise visit. Thank goodness that you are appropriate and model courteous behavior for your son.

As for your brother- it is a bitter thing to feel as if you are being excluded and distanced by someone you have loved and trusted. He may be having major problems in life, and perhaps cannot cope just now- I can't  know why he is acting so strangely.

Just know that those who truly care for you are in your corner when you are hurt, and rejoice for you when you get some happiness. You can't fix everyone, even when you want to badly, but you can bless and release those you care about who somehow cannot love back,  enjoy what you have made for yourself and be proud of your work and accomplishments and show your loved ones that you care.

Hope you heal soon, and enjoy your new home!

Love,

Changing


cats paw

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Re: I talked to my family
« Reply #17 on: July 05, 2008, 11:19:27 AM »
Tayana,

  How's your leg, and how was yesterday?

cats paw

tayana

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Re: I talked to my family
« Reply #18 on: July 07, 2008, 10:26:53 AM »
Sorry to take so long to reply . . .

We did go to the BBQ on Friday, and what a visit that was.  I called my mom early that morning to find out what time we might be eating.  Of course, she couldn't give me a definite time, so I told her we'd be there around 2.  She was just as sweet as she could be.  She didn't make a single sarcastic comment.

We got to their house after 2.  I'd planned to make pasta salad but discovered I was missing an ingredient so I decided to make a cake instead.  My mom informed me I didn't have to make a cake, and that I really didn't need to bring anything.  Things were very, very tense with H there, but that meant that my mom behaved somewhat.   She treated H pretty well, and didn't make any comments about her to me.  She did corner me at one point and harangued me about being careful at work because they might fire me for being gay.  I nobly refrained from telling her that my co-workers already know and no one has said anything to me.  When you give out your girlfriend's cell phone because you can't walk to the kitchen, people start to suspect something.  No one really cares.  She also got me off to tell me how tight things must be with only one salary (H lost her job and is watching a couple of kids for extra money).  M has lost some weight due to his medicine and also because he's grown about 4 inches.  We had to buy new clothes for him, and we ended up getting him several nice things at second hand stores and garage sales.  My mom was offended by this and wanted to know if I couldn't afford to buy him clothes.  I told her we just got a good bargain and they were nice things.  She also got her dander up when she discovered that we make M do chores, including cleaning up the dog's messes in the yard.  She thinks that's ridiculous, even though we have 3 dogs, and he doesn't feed, water, or pay for anything related to the animals.

We survived the day.

The next day my mom called me to inform me she would like to have M for a day in two weeks to take him shopping for school clothes (since we're so poor we can't find any for him).  H told me just to let her buy stuff and think what she wanted. I had pretty much had the same idea.

Yesterday, she called to inform me that she was at a local business and had some things for me.  So we had to go pick up the stuff.  M took his puppy with us, since we needed dog food anyway.  My mom informed me that he was an ugly puppy and not what she expected and my dad had seen much better dogs at the flea market.  Never mind that it is M's dog, and we all love him.  She called again later to find out if M had tried on the things she'd sent, and I told her he hadn't.  She tend went on about my dog again and told me how I'd gotten taken by the guy we'd gotten him from, but that he seemed to be a very docile dog.  I told her we liked him and that he was a good dog.  She made sure to get in a good jab that she meant to tell me to tell H hello too.

I'm going to wait and see if she calls today, and I think I'm going to tell her that she doesn't need to call me everyday. 

The leg is better.  I get my stitches out tomorrow.
http://tayana.blogspot.com

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
do.
-Elanor Roosevelt

Juno

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Re: I talked to my family
« Reply #19 on: July 07, 2008, 11:58:29 AM »
Oy, you're probably not going to want to do stuff like the BBQ too often.  Good for you for keeping up good boundaries.  It sounds relentless, though.  I recommend small and infrequent mom-doses.....

debkor

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Re: I talked to my family
« Reply #20 on: July 07, 2008, 12:48:52 PM »
Hey Tay,

Sounds like you had a half way decent day..... seems big to me..... like you mom knows you have boundaries and is carefull of fully crossing them... appears that she is looking for a hole to slip in... P you Off....and you are doing just fine....they always look for that hole...reaction..good or bad.... You have come a long way... you should be proud of yourself...

Glad you are feeling better and getting stitches out tommorrow....everything heals...as long as you take care of it...

Proud of you .... You really are doing well...

Love
Deb