How Do You Take Care of Your Own Needs?

[Ami]

 I have JUST faced the truth about my parents and my H. They have never loved me in any way that was for my best interests.I tried to take care of their needs by never telling the truth, so they could all keep their masks on. My M wanted to feel like she was a good M. That was more important than the truth. My F wanted to see himself as a good F. That was the same thing. They sided with my abusive H at every turn. So, was that love?
They are still doing it b/c my H makes THEM look good.
 It is a bitter pill, but it is the pill of truth.
 My question above is about meeting your own needs. I would be interested in anyone's expereince with this.   Thanks     Ami

[gratitude28]

Ami,
I am finally (at 39) meeting my needs. And I feel a bit bad about it, because I know my parents are not filling thier needs... and I wonder why. Why can't they get better too? Why does everything have to be the easy, lazy, self-gratifying route? Why can't they do anything for the sake of the bigger picture?
You have to take care of yourself because no one else will. You have to become honest, because that is the only clean and happy way to live.
((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))
Love, Beth

[sea storm]

Ami,

It is a bitter and terrible thing to realize that your parents could not love their child and really see who for who she is.  There is also a gift there for you.  The glimmer of the realization that you are worth loving and that you can begin to love yourself.  How do you take care of your own needs??  That is a wonderful, robust, energizing questions.  No quick answers though.  Find out what you love to do.  Find out what and who make you laugh. Follow the laughter. Follow your own Bliss ( Joseph Campbell).  That is what people usually say.

I am not enlightened so dont take my advise.  Answer this question for yourself. The Chinese says that if you hold one quesion for a year, you will find the answer.  Think of it every day. Ask people. You have a great sense of curiosity.  The hard part is that the answer is probably not easy to put on paper and it involves feeling.


Sea

[Ami]

Thanks Beth, Sea Storm and Izzy. What great responses!            Love   Ami

[LilyCat]

Ami,

I was re-reading Alice Miller over the weekend and saw two passages that seemed relevant to this post and the one on loving someone. I even wrote it down, I think, let me see...

Well, I think this is the needs one, but my note is so brief that I can't tell you much -- but my note is p. 53-54, read about "Mary."

???

LC