Author Topic: Having FUN with N  (Read 1950 times)

ch

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Having FUN with N
« on: September 01, 2004, 10:05:03 AM »
Hi Onyx,
I just read your eloquent post on "Somatic-N turned Cerebral-N" topic, and i was blown away by your ideas and great attitude.
Is there a previous post where you have described your past a bit so i could understand where you came from and how you developed your creative ideas such as guerilla tactics and "have fun" theory?
I was wondering how you became so wise in this area of dealing with N people.  I would also love to hear more examples of how to have fun with N at their own game, of course, without hurting ourselves.  

Do we need to be very strong at some level before attempting this?Also, i just want to confirm that this is not vengeful in any way, right?  Just want to make sure because that would be harmful.

Anonymous

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Having FUN with N
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2004, 06:02:07 AM »
Switzerland :D

I haven't been on here for a time and haven't read posts that you've addressed to me.....sorry.

Turning the tables on my ex was more a question of no longer looking at her through 'rose tinted glasses'! Instead of letting my feelings for dictate things, I slowly learned not to do this anymore! Instead of looking at us as a couple.....two people as one, I seperated us in my mind back into being individuals! It was hard for me to get my head around at first.....but became easier as time past because she could no longer bank on my love for her! Very hard for me to explain, but you have to detach love from the relationship and now look at it in the real light!

It was a very on-off relationship.....and even the word 'relationship' is a contradiction! My meaning of the word and hers were totally different.....I just didn't realise it! How an NPDer thinks in my opinion, is actually the base by which they are undone! An example! you know the nursery ryhme of A B C D......., well for her it went: C V T M.....! And everytime she sang it, it would be different! So you understand the logic and reasoning of the alphabet. You know that it is the foundation of language and something you need to remember in order to communicate. For a person with NPD, I think that they're rationality and reasoning are way way out of the 'box'! So much so, they can't even seen it themselves!

So instead of thinking that they're thinking like you, stop! What they say, think and do is constantly subject to change and without any consistancy! Fairness is also a victim when it comes to the way they look at things. It just doesn't make it to the touch line with them! So firstly, stop thinking of them as if they share the same thoughts, words and deeds as yourself! Stop having expectations of them to perform the same way as you would over things! At best, they'll repeat back to you exactly what you said. They do this without thought because they are just replaying something that they knew you'd agree with! They're highly adoptive and temporarily adaptive too! They are lifes Chameleons.

Find out what really turns them on, you might to in for a big surprise here! Even if you think that they're highly sexed and that this is what they're after.......you probably going to be wrong! They use sex or the lack of it to obtain often what they're really after! It's a means to and end, nothing more! With Somatics, it is the first and probably only weapon they have available to them! Cerebrals are different.....but use sex as a 'reward' and control tool! Invariably, their requirements will eventually turn back to money.....in some shape form or fashion! Yes they'll want you to praise them and yes they'll also want you to do many things for them...but in my opinion.....money will be the main hidden target!

The more she grew to understand how I ticked, the more her confidence grew! A favorite thing she loved to do was to create the conditions for an argument and then use this as a reason for storming out for ever longer periods of time! Initially this was for a very short few minutes. In time, this would grow to days and weeks. She would absolutely wipe the floor with me....and then give me another chance to prove her wrong! Invariably it would all be resolved in bed and then in the shops! Everything would be back to normal......until the next time!

I'm going to cut a lot out of what happened and get to th point. She loved me for what I could provide her with! Yes it was in my trousers.......in my back pocket......namely my wallet! It was my mistake.....I had so much, she had so little when we met! I did the gentleman thing and took care of things financial, she......well we.....erm........well she was initially very somatic and I leave it to you imaginations! So in reality, our relationship was money for honey! Love was an act from her and a reality from me!

So after so many 'walkouts' and 'make ups'.........the big one came along! For the first time in 4 years, she'd go a job! Working with 3 girls and 40 blokes in a sales company. It took her only a matter of weeks before she'd walked big time! She was getting much more NS from guys who were pawing over her! So much so, it went straight to her ego and drove the situation. She left and went home to her parents......again!! Her 7 year old son was just another piece of baggage shuttling back and forth up the motorway! It really was a disgrace!

I was no more than a bit of dog poo on her shoe by this time! Any opportunity I gave her to rip me up for toilet paper, she'd take! After a time, she wanted us to be friends. So this meant that she started to talk nicely to me. The reason for this is she needed money and the use of my new 7 series BMW. She wanted to impress people at work and wanted the car in order to reflect her image to work mates (it had Satnav and a TV).
It was amazing to see her face glow at the thought of being able to use it!

Whilst I was very down, I started to play with her! I began to see her for what she was; who she really is! As I wrote previously, I got a lot of help from my next door neighbour. So I started to treat her as she treated me, I used her! I'd do something nice for her, she'd have to do something nice for me......it  became a farce! I removed love from the equation......and it became  what it always was but I couldn't see before! You see, without realising it......I had had my very own hooker living with me! I'd pay and she'd perform! I know this sounds terrible.....and I couldn't really believe myself at first!

Now like never before, the truth was out! She was actually humping me for money! I'd beaten the crap out of myself over the years thinking that there was something really wrong with me......when in actual fact, I'd been used.....nothing more! Now my own behaviour leaves a lot to be desired in this......I was being a bad boy! But I was able to understand exactly what had been going on for years! She wanted the security I offered and in order to get it, she performed! She did exactly the same in a 'relationshp' as out of one! We were now in her opinion, friends who.....f....d!!

This then enabled me sit around the house I'd bought for her of an evening and listen to someone that I'd never knew! As 'friends', I got to learn of a girl that I'd lived with for year that I never knew! The things she was coming out with were staggering! The lies she told to me when we first met; the picture she'd painted was way different to what I was now learning! From being 'goody two shoes' when I first met her, she was completely the opposite! It hurt the hell out of me inside.....but at least I now knew the truth!

As her 'friend'.......she would tell me about dates that she'd gone on.....what they'd got up to and how she 'scored' the situation! She was bonking all over the place.....but always the same type of guy.....older and loaded! This girl could justify anything! She'd never have anything to do with a married man........the next she was seeing one! Always a reason that flew in the face of what she'd said in pratically the same sentance! "Well if his wife can't look after him....." These kind of things were killing me inside.....but as a result, I was unravelling a lot of shit that had come my way as a result of knowing this girl!

I know I sound like a real sap.....but truely I'm not! I really am a switched on kiddy......who was very blind sided by the girl! I just couldn't believe that this 'slapper' I was now confronted with, was the same person I'd known! And in their lays the truth! What was presented to me, what I was sold, bore no relationship to the reality of it all! It was a lie that she was living. There was three of us in the relationship......me, her mask and then herself! The mask hid the real person. My love for her hid my ability to see the true her! I kept making excuse after excuse for her behaviour! It was all my fault....I was the problem!!! No I f..k..g wasn't and now I was allowed for the first time to see what was really in-store for me if I ever married this women!! It was an illussion......a big fat lie!

Time went on.....and she'd have a crisis! A guy that she thought was falling into place for her.....would drop out! Back she'd come crying over money one way or other! I'm going to tell you something that I'm not proud of now. To see how far she'd go, I once offered her money for sex....she accepted immediately! She did it so she could buy herself something she was after! We laid in bed afterwards with her laughing and joking that she was now I highly paid hooker! She really loved the idea! I couldn't believe that she would go that far without realising what I was up to! I was trashing her! I treated her as a piece of meat! She was any mans play thing.....for money!

She would phone me up every so often and ask me if I fancied a 'shag'? Always it would end with "bring your cheque book"! It was pretty sick stuff and I fully accept that I was being very very bad! But I couldn't believe the lengths she was capable of going to.....it staggered me! It finally came to an end one night! We were at it on the couch......and I burst into laughter! I mean I really got the giggle fits! She wanted to know what I was in fits over....I told her! "Honey, you're just a piece of meat!! You're like a door knob, everyone gets a turn of you!!!!" It was one of the few occassions I'd seen her face drop......priceless! she finally collided with herself.....and it wasn't pretty! She was now the cheap tart.......and that really hurt her.....big time!

I told her what I'd been up to and how I'd manipulated the situation......just like her! How sick it had made me to listen to the true her. I was releaved and although sad, I'd finally reached a nadir in my feelings for her! I used her and I used sex to do it! Having laughed in her face.....I now cut off anything to do with her! I was amazed by the amount of times she tried to get in touch with me. I changed my mobile number and haven't spoken with her for sometime now! I really don't give a fig what the hell is going on in her life.....but I can guess! :wink:

Onyx

  • Jr. Member
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  • Posts: 67
Having FUN with N
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2004, 06:03:26 AM »
Switzerland :D

I haven't been on here for a time and haven't read posts that you've addressed to me.....sorry.

Turning the tables on my ex was more a question of no longer looking at her through 'rose tinted glasses'! Instead of letting my feelings for dictate things, I slowly learned not to do this anymore! Instead of looking at us as a couple.....two people as one, I seperated us in my mind back into being individuals! It was hard for me to get my head around at first.....but became easier as time past because she could no longer bank on my love for her! Very hard for me to explain, but you have to detach love from the relationship and now look at it in the real light!

It was a very on-off relationship.....and even the word 'relationship' is a contradiction! My meaning of the word and hers were totally different.....I just didn't realise it! How an NPDer thinks in my opinion, is actually the base by which they are undone! An example! you know the nursery ryhme of A B C D......., well for her it went: C V T M.....! And everytime she sang it, it would be different! So you understand the logic and reasoning of the alphabet. You know that it is the foundation of language and something you need to remember in order to communicate. For a person with NPD, I think that they're rationality and reasoning are way way out of the 'box'! So much so, they can't even seen it themselves!

So instead of thinking that they're thinking like you, stop! What they say, think and do is constantly subject to change and without any consistancy! Fairness is also a victim when it comes to the way they look at things. It just doesn't make it to the touch line with them! So firstly, stop thinking of them as if they share the same thoughts, words and deeds as yourself! Stop having expectations of them to perform the same way as you would over things! At best, they'll repeat back to you exactly what you said. They do this without thought because they are just replaying something that they knew you'd agree with! They're highly adoptive and temporarily adaptive too! They are lifes Chameleons.

Find out what really turns them on, you might to in for a big surprise here! Even if you think that they're highly sexed and that this is what they're after.......you probably going to be wrong! They use sex or the lack of it to obtain often what they're really after! It's a means to and end, nothing more! With Somatics, it is the first and probably only weapon they have available to them! Cerebrals are different.....but use sex as a 'reward' and control tool! Invariably, their requirements will eventually turn back to money.....in some shape form or fashion! Yes they'll want you to praise them and yes they'll also want you to do many things for them...but in my opinion.....money will be the main hidden target!

The more she grew to understand how I ticked, the more her confidence grew! A favorite thing she loved to do was to create the conditions for an argument and then use this as a reason for storming out for ever longer periods of time! Initially this was for a very short few minutes. In time, this would grow to days and weeks. She would absolutely wipe the floor with me....and then give me another chance to prove her wrong! Invariably it would all be resolved in bed and then in the shops! Everything would be back to normal......until the next time!

I'm going to cut a lot out of what happened and get to th point. She loved me for what I could provide her with! Yes it was in my trousers.......in my back pocket......namely my wallet! It was my mistake.....I had so much, she had so little when we met! I did the gentleman thing and took care of things financial, she......well we.....erm........well she was initially very somatic and I leave it to you imaginations! So in reality, our relationship was money for honey! Love was an act from her and a reality from me!

So after so many 'walkouts' and 'make ups'.........the big one came along! For the first time in 4 years, she'd go a job! Working with 3 girls and 40 blokes in a sales company. It took her only a matter of weeks before she'd walked big time! She was getting much more NS from guys who were pawing over her! So much so, it went straight to her ego and drove the situation. She left and went home to her parents......again!! Her 7 year old son was just another piece of baggage shuttling back and forth up the motorway! It really was a disgrace!

I was no more than a bit of dog poo on her shoe by this time! Any opportunity I gave her to rip me up for toilet paper, she'd take! After a time, she wanted us to be friends. So this meant that she started to talk nicely to me. The reason for this is she needed money and the use of my new 7 series BMW. She wanted to impress people at work and wanted the car in order to reflect her image to work mates (it had Satnav and a TV).
It was amazing to see her face glow at the thought of being able to use it!

Whilst I was very down, I started to play with her! I began to see her for what she was; who she really is! As I wrote previously, I got a lot of help from my next door neighbour. So I started to treat her as she treated me, I used her! I'd do something nice for her, she'd have to do something nice for me......it  became a farce! I removed love from the equation......and it became  what it always was but I couldn't see before! You see, without realising it......I had had my very own hooker living with me! I'd pay and she'd perform! I know this sounds terrible.....and I couldn't really believe myself at first!

Now like never before, the truth was out! She was actually humping me for money! I'd beaten the crap out of myself over the years thinking that there was something really wrong with me......when in actual fact, I'd been used.....nothing more! Now my own behaviour leaves a lot to be desired in this......I was being a bad boy! But I was able to understand exactly what had been going on for years! She wanted the security I offered and in order to get it, she performed! She did exactly the same in a 'relationshp' as out of one! We were now in her opinion, friends who.....f....d!!

This then enabled me sit around the house I'd bought for her of an evening and listen to someone that I'd never knew! As 'friends', I got to learn of a girl that I'd lived with for year that I never knew! The things she was coming out with were staggering! The lies she told to me when we first met; the picture she'd painted was way different to what I was now learning! From being 'goody two shoes' when I first met her, she was completely the opposite! It hurt the hell out of me inside.....but at least I now knew the truth!

As her 'friend'.......she would tell me about dates that she'd gone on.....what they'd got up to and how she 'scored' the situation! She was bonking all over the place.....but always the same type of guy.....older and loaded! This girl could justify anything! She'd never have anything to do with a married man........the next she was seeing one! Always a reason that flew in the face of what she'd said in pratically the same sentance! "Well if his wife can't look after him....." These kind of things were killing me inside.....but as a result, I was unravelling a lot of shit that had come my way as a result of knowing this girl!

I know I sound like a real sap.....but truely I'm not! I really am a switched on kiddy......who was very blind sided by the girl! I just couldn't believe that this 'slapper' I was now confronted with, was the same person I'd known! And in their lays the truth! What was presented to me, what I was sold, bore no relationship to the reality of it all! It was a lie that she was living. There was three of us in the relationship......me, her mask and then herself! The mask hid the real person. My love for her hid my ability to see the true her! I kept making excuse after excuse for her behaviour! It was all my fault....I was the problem!!! No I f..k..g wasn't and now I was allowed for the first time to see what was really in-store for me if I ever married this women!! It was an illussion......a big fat lie!

Time went on.....and she'd have a crisis! A guy that she thought was falling into place for her.....would drop out! Back she'd come crying over money one way or other! I'm going to tell you something that I'm not proud of now. To see how far she'd go, I once offered her money for sex....she accepted immediately! She did it so she could buy herself something she was after! We laid in bed afterwards with her laughing and joking that she was now I highly paid hooker! She really loved the idea! I couldn't believe that she would go that far without realising what I was up to! I was trashing her! I treated her as a piece of meat! She was any mans play thing.....for money!

She would phone me up every so often and ask me if I fancied a 'shag'? Always it would end with "bring your cheque book"! It was pretty sick stuff and I fully accept that I was being very very bad! But I couldn't believe the lengths she was capable of going to.....it staggered me! It finally came to an end one night! We were at it on the couch......and I burst into laughter! I mean I really got the giggle fits! She wanted to know what I was in fits over....I told her! "Honey, you're just a piece of meat!! You're like a door knob, everyone gets a turn of you!!!!" It was one of the few occassions I'd seen her face drop......priceless! she finally collided with herself.....and it wasn't pretty! She was now the cheap tart.......and that really hurt her.....big time!

I told her what I'd been up to and how I'd manipulated the situation......just like her! How sick it had made me to listen to the true her. I was releaved and although sad, I'd finally reached a nadir in my feelings for her! I used her and I used sex to do it! Having laughed in her face.....I now cut off anything to do with her! I was amazed by the amount of times she tried to get in touch with me. I changed my mobile number and haven't spoken with her for sometime now! I really don't give a fig what the hell is going on in her life.....but I can guess! :wink:


David

ch

  • Guest
Having FUN with N
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2004, 09:40:03 AM »
Very well written and points well-noted.  Your Nlady/hooker reminded me so much of my mother, but i was never too sure since no one dared confirmed it and NPD was not commonly known yet.

The closest i came to affirming NPD in my mother was during one of my last conversations with my Enabler-father, he told me that the motive for everything  Nmother did was to gain money.  He let me know that she could only behave normally, without nastiness and attempts to shame people around her, so long as she got money out of you. She would resort to anything.  And then, he asked me to do some research in the library since i spent so much time there anyway (hiding out and avoiding them). It took about a year and a half before i uncovered the whole scheming plot of Nmother's false life.

I definitely can relate to your pain in discovering the truth about your relationship.  Once day, i decided to count the number of times my Nmother  was ever kind to me in all my years of awareness.  You would think that there wouldn''t be enough fingers and toes to do such a task, but i only used one hand.  
One time, during college years, she was half awake when i came home one late night and she told me to lie down on the floor next to her to sleep on the cool mat during the hottest day of that summer.  That was over 20 years ago, but i still remember that moment so fondly because it was the nicest thing she had ever said to me.  Go figure, she was not fully awake.  

All the other times she was nice to me was in recent years because she had since seen my annual portfolio tax statements and tried to keep me conveniently close so she could sucker me into paying for her shopping sprees.  I didn't mind at first, because i thought we were finally getting along as mother-daughter, or at least as friends.

When i tried to find the answers from talking to friends, no one could really understand my feelings and suspicions, as outsiders often came quickly to defend a mother as if all mothers were related to the Virgin Mary. The Fifth Commandment of honoring one's parents is still so strongly practiced throughout the world, and it is still such a taboo to say anything incriminating against a mother, thus, making it worst for children of Nparents, particularly, Nmothers.   It just takes so long to get to the bottom of seeing things clearly.

But finally, after reading so many books and websites, i had gotten to the bottom of this nagging demon in my psyche and can make sense of it all now.  

David, its very brave and kind of you to reveal your story.  And, i'm glad you even got to laugh about it too.  I laughed so hard about mine too because so much of it was childish and irrational, so its good material for humour alright.  

After your experience with Nlady/hooker, did you re-examine your previous relationships and appreciated them more?  any new insight in anlaysing what was right and what went wrong in previous relationships?

How can you tell if you are having sex or making love?  what is the difference?  

I have often heard  that women fall in love first before having sex/making love, whereas, for man, its the other way around.  Is this true? If so, what is the rule so that both genders will not feel compromised?

These questions are open to anyone who wishes to answer.  
Many thanks!!!

Switzerland

Onyx

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  • Posts: 67
Having FUN with N
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2004, 10:38:29 AM »
:lol: Er.....the difference between making love and have sex is a question of how much money you have in ones wallet afterwards in my case :lol: !

Making love is the collision of two hearts and minds first, lips etc....follow. Sex is just bonking.......often disconnected and purely physical! It's more often than not a slightly more selfish act.......meaningless, but necessary at times! And it's performed these days equally by both men and women......! I've performed both acts......I think a great many of us have!

The one word I've noticed that you've not used is: LUST! Now this is were a great many of us fall into trouble! Lust can be so overpowering......it leads us astray easily! I lusted after the women I written about.....it was very much a sex thing right from the off! We literally couldn't get enough of each other......but for different reasons! Me because the sex was fab....her because she knew that she satisfied me! That gave her to key to what she really desired.....or lusted after.....money!

I lusted after flesh so to speak.....nothing else! Her ex husband had left saying that she was fridged, she wasn't! He just couldn't fulfill her needs....he didn't earn enough! For her, sex was just the hook by which she could secure the real goal. It really was a means to an end! Years later she would quite openly tell me that "there was nothing she could get from a man that she couldn't get from a piece of plastic"! She would often talk as if sex was something she performed because I liked it! She was doing me a favour! How many women I wonder do the same thing these days?

What she really got a buzzzz over was trips overseas and shopping! Anything that made her look good or sound important. Anything that she could project through! But nothing that she did for anyone....cos she wouldn't! Cooking for example.......she loathed this with a passion!! Even her own flesh and blood would make his own breakfast in the morning! If she got involved it would always be the same thing, coco pops and and pop tarts.....no variation! If you suggested something......bang, down would come the shutters! Any potential critissism would then be used to cause an argument and start the process over again!

David

ch

  • Guest
Having FUN with N
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2004, 10:55:57 AM »
David, Oh so this would reveal what is really going on behind those rich old men with pretty young things hangin on their arms.  No wonder the sight of that always repulsed me, but i never knew exactly why.  It was always about the money and goods in exchange for sex. It really hardens one's heart to have been witness to this timeless age-old way of life. I'm still not sure if the
feminist movement helped all that much as it seems we are going through a period of backlash as well as progress.

If i remember correctly, you have a daughter, right?  What will you teach her about love and relationships? And if you have a son, same question.  How would you explain or teach so that it will not ruin their chances to find love and happiness in their future?