Any Ideas On Getting An N to Let Go?

[changing]

Hi All-

My N husband ( the Bagworm) has prolonged our divorce and seems to want to continue the legal scene endlessly- not providing disclosures, etc. does anyone have any ideas on getting him to stop and let me alone?

Thank you,

Changing

[Izzy_*now*]

Got an UZI?

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi Changing,

I am so sorry Bagworm is putting you through this.

Can your lawyer not do something? Say something to the Court about wasting people's time?

Never been through a divorce so don't know.

good luck
xx
Izzy

[changing]

Hi Deer-

Thanks for the response-I don't have an UZI but I have an Izzy, which is infinitely better! I have spent a huge amount of money trying to get things moving, but Bagworm takes every oppotunity to slow things down, cause needless deays and hearings, etc- it's no win for everybody- the court has taken note of this , but he insists on exhausting every worthless avenue. I wish that I had known you sooner, Deer!!! No Ns, etc. How much better to not have to go to court, but simply take off for parts unknown!!!!

Love,

C.

[Izzy_*now*]

Awwwwwwwwwwww changing
That is the typical N

Cause as much anxiety, money, time, swear words just to keep his power over!

I'll try, but am not you, to think of how YOU can have the Power Over position.

Love
Izzy

[Gaining Strength]

Talk to CB about this.  Her ex did everything possible.  Everytime a court date was set he would delay.

One thing that could help but which is very difficult to attain is to become indifferent emotinally to him.  Not easy.  But if you keep your focus on that fact that you WILL get this over rather than WHEN you get the done then you might be able to stay non-reactive.

I could not do it at this point in my life but I am coming to see how much can be accomplished by not reacting emotionally.  (just be calm assertive ala Ceasar Milan.)

[Certain Hope]

Dear Changing,

My ex did the same... for well over a year into my new marriage, determined to drag me back into court on bogus charges.

My lawyer was right when he said that the only way to stop him was for the judge to slap him down...
and that's exactly what happened.
By the time it was over, N had new enemy targets... the judge himself and his first lawyer (whom he canned and replaced).
I don't know what ever happened with the complaints he launched against those two... and I don't care.

SS is absolutely right, Changing.
Emotional detachment is crucial.
Don't even look at the worm.
Look through him.
Know in your heart of hearts that he is utterly irrelevant to you and your future.
For once, drain HIS energy out of that vampire...
and the only way to accomplish that is to convince yourself that he does not exist.
Those vibes will register with him and he will deflate like a poor little rotten balloon.
Really, he will.
He needs an enemy... and he needs a reason to go choose a fresh one.
YOU have the power to give him that reason.... by making him of none effect.

Love,
Carolyn

[gjazz]

My NF did this to my mother (and us kids) after HE decided to leave.  I can't agree more with what has been said here.  He'll be as big a pain in the ass as he can possibly be, for as long as he can manage.  It's pathetic, but that's what he's chosen for his life and how he chooses to use his time and energy.  But "letting go" can also mean destroying any ability he has to impact your sense of self, your decisions for the future, etc.   Emotional detachment is hard to achieve but I think once it has been achieved, the sense of freedom that follows is profound.  Think of him as a canceled check, put him through the emotional shredder, compost.