value of a memior?

[Anonymous]

Hello friends,
Well, I have been thinking late at night, lately, about writing a memior on my journey through mostly emotional abuse.
I am wondering about the theraputic value of such a thing. Is the past best forgotten?  Or is it helpful to have a written memory of where you have been?  I so easily invalidate my experiences.  And I want to forget things that have happened, so much that I have torn out diary enteries and thrown them away.  For one, if I died, I would not want anyone to read it.  It was written for theraputic release at the time, and is no longer useful.  That and  I only want to remember the good. I want to instantly delete things that bring me shame or pain.  I wonder if writing this would only cause me to dwell on a negative that no longer threatens me to the extent that it once did.  

Yet there is something compelling about being honest with myself about where I have been. Reading old journals keeps me honest.  I would read and think, this has been going on, this is serious.  It keeps me from looking at the past through rose colored glasses.  Perhaps if I wrote, I would be less confused about it all.

On the other hand, I am not sure if I have enough distance from the situation to write it.  Writing it would surely bring back the pain and anger. I don't want to re-live that, unless I could some how diffuse it through writing.  Perhaps through writing I could come to a place where I am unafraid to remember, where it no longer consumes me.  Maybe it will help me to see what I have overcome...

I have another motivation too... I know many of my peers, my sisters, are just as naive about emotional abuse and narcissim as I was, and just as alone.  If my memior turned out to be coherent, I would consider finding an anonymous way to share it.  I want for other women to feel less alone, and more prepared than I was.  I want to give voice to an experience that by it's nature, takes away voice.  
I am not sure how to do it and keep the anonymity of myself and my family.  

Well, enough rambling... Got any thoughts?

[switzerland]

I say "go for it!"  Write the memoir and relive everything with your new wiser perspective.  History is never really forgotten or buried anyway.  It is merely repressed or suppressed, and will surely make you sicker in some other way.  The body, mind, and spirit should be in alignment for health and happiness.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by your writing your memoirs.  

As for the painful feelings. I suggest that you try to embrace those feelings.  Another words, go ahead and FEEL them and be grateful that you CAN feel them.  And know for certain that after you feel, and process these painful feelings, you WILL  absolutely be stronger.  Because as you now know, there is hope for you.  Its not too late.

YOu can come back here to discuss your thoughts.  I would, however, be very carfeul NOT to discuss with others who are not aware of N's and who are not open to learning about it.  It can be frustrating to share with others , and you are best to keep learning on your own first.

As for sharing it in writing, you could disguise the names and write your story or memoir as fiction if you prefer.

Switzerland, aka ch

[CHICKSQUIP]

Hello Guest,

I think you are on to something that can be very beneficial to your self-discovery.  I've stated in earlier posts here, how helpful Dr. Phil's book, Self Matters was to me.  The approach he uses in this book is commonly called Emotional Archaeology.  Other therapists use this method also.  He instructs on how to, in essence, review your life from infancy forward in an organized chronology.  He has you take each stage and write about it.  Then he instructs you in how to deal with those things you may now view as too painful to remember.  In my case, most of my childhood memories were lost.  I mostly had pictures in my head with no memory attached.  Incredibly, when I applied his methods for examining memories, the fog cleared.    When you finish writing  it all down, you will have a clear view of who, what and how events in your life formed the person you are today.  You will by your own choice decide to own the healthy memories and discard the unhealthy ones.  Any library should have a copy of his book.  It's not difficult reading.  It has been a tremendous tool for me to come to terms with all the craziness of being the child of an Nparent.   Go for it!
chicksquip

[original guest]

well, interestingly enough I didn't get very far in writing a memior.  Maybe a few pages. I wasn't ready.  The healing has been taking another natural path...without force.  Lately I have been writing poetry and short works of fiction. It's raw and honest, and at the same time disguised in symbolism and creativity. Just some more ideas on this subject.