Emotion Control

[Izzy_*now*]

Wow ! Did I ever realte to this!

http://www.utexas.edu/features/2006/emotions/index.html

Does anyone else? I would really, really like to know!

This appears to be why my Therapist is seeing all kinds of emotions in me, that I don't even know.

You know how it is....keep a stiff upper lip....don't show the pain from the razor strap....don't show the joy in winning the Track & Field Cup...don't allow love to show when you introduce HIM to your parents.... the straight face..the unemotional one.....

Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

This paragraph............

“I thought if you want to better understand the magnitude of the effect of concealing facial expressions, let’s compare it against the worst case scenario,” Richards said. “I actually went in to this thinking that intentionally trying to screen out an emotional event would lead to significantly more memory impairment.”

My mother had this down pat, I see now, and I have too.

Now I know why there are no memories of certain emotional conversations. I repressed them and they are gone from my memory.

When Mom was told about my accident, by a sister, Mom said, "Oh the poor girl. Did you want to buy any eggs from Mrs. Hubbard this week?"

[gratitude28]

Wow, I can't believe your mom said that!!!

Yes, I have said here before that my entire teenage years are a blank to me. I can remember a very few events - mostly things about two boys I dated. The rest of the time is a blank, especially when it comes to anything having to do with my family (extended too). Once again this weekend, people brought up times they visited, and I have absolutely no memory of it. So much of what people "remind" me of is completely new to me.

And, yes, I did spend all of that time emotionally blank. The more my NM escalated, the more I "turned off." I spent tons of time in a "static." I can remember everything just being white and staticky - that was what I had in my turn off time.

Very interesting article, Iz. Thank you very much.

Love, Beth

[Izzy_*now*]

hi Beth
Yes, Mom said that, according to my sister. Mom was one who could not accept things like that. I would suppose from that article, and her face always the same, that she bypassed the emotion involved and tucked it away somewhere, or threw it out the window, to never again remember that incident!!!

You think you did the same? I suspect I did. I think of my daughter. I posted this a long time ago, but she swallowed a whole bottle of aspirin at age 12. I didn't know until our Doctor telephoned me with the news. She had gone to him, I suspect was lavaged and home and I never knew a thing.

I recall then, sitting down with her and talking about this incident and all I remember is that it had to do with me and my accident. We sat longer than that and don't remember another thing. I must have shut down.

Were you into blackouts (I mean no judgement) as a teen? If not then you have experienced this emotional control that means the memory with escape you.

I can now understand my gaps in life--especially conversations,

Love Izzy

[gratitude28]

As a teen, I didn't drink - so there were no blackouts for that reason. It was a distancing for me - I can totally understand how people in really bad situations develop other personalities.

I wonder why your sister told you that?????

So did your daughter try to kill herself? Excuse me for not having your timeline right, but this was before your husband took his life, right? What do you remember? When you say it had to do with the accident, what do you mean??

Love, Beth

[Izzy_*now*]

hi Beth,
That sister, also called Beth, is a bully and close to if not an N. She has bullied me all my life. She has told me things that there was no need for me to know, because knowing would just hurt me.

Mom's ways were a puzzle so her telling me that was not a hurtful thing, At least I know it now for this topic I am on.

However, my eldest sister, a nurse, came to see me every day at the beginning, then she would call about not being able to come. That was OK with me as she had her own life, and every day for me was taking away from her husband and 2 kids. but then Beth told me Sis stopped coming because she couldn't stand to look at me. Now that one Hurt

My daughter--I cannot remember, see?-- did what I said then called a DOCTOR--No..she must have needed attention. This is 3 years before her father did it! It was my accident, meaning...I expect... that she had chores that would normally have been mine--wash windows, cut grass. I did my things, sweep garage, vacuum car, weed and plant in flower beds. We cleaned the house together. She carried the laundry to the laundry room and I took care of everything until it was time to put , just hers, away.

I was a mother in a wheelchair for school, yet I never saw this as a problem with her. She was so helpful on PT nights.

A 12 yr old? Only God knows what went on , but I don't remember because it likely hurt me, to make me feel I was letting her down and I blocked that.I am not saying she was a lazy girl as she did a lot of work.....well she still does so whatever at 12 has made her a hard worker now, just as I was/am.

Perhaps if I were sitting around, thinking about things, and never heard her speak, she would feel ignored.  Right? and I sit around now doing a lot of thinking....I doubt only the ringing telephone would get through.

She may have intended to complete suicide, but she called a doctor. I can understand that distress, yet I have never contemplated it.

My sister Beth did. She took a bottle of Valium and then drove to her friend's place. When she was passing out she told her friend and an ambulance was called. That was just a cry for attention.

Feelings! Yuk!

Like BLISS is to be what one feels in the great throes of passionate lovemaking with one's one and only, yet I have never used the word!!!! Joe would have laughed me out of bed if I had said, "That was Blissful!" I suppose we all have our own terms and a Therapist has another, but I am sure that I must become aware of every name of a feeling, since I never learned them.
xx
Izzy