The List...

[spyralle]

Thanks SS.....  When I feel longing I do picture that stuff.. and other stuff he said and did too.  The mind is weird isn't it..  Often I try to get angry and pictures of good stuff refuse to move out of the way even though there is loads of bad stuff.  he played with me for ages..  taunting me with wanting to move and letting me know without telling me that he didn't want me to go with him..  I found the cousin on facebok last night and sent her a message.  Just letting her know how much her actions had hurt me. and I asked was her husband hurting lke I was.  She has remoed every trace of herself from facebook.... I'm glad though that I got a chance to let her know how much it had hurt..

Spy x

[Hopalong]

Dear Spy,
I wrote you earlier but lost it...timed out.
I just wanted to say, you don't love him, dear.

That's not love.
It's fusion, obsession, addiction.

I know a book that will lift you right up into the light again.
I hope you'll read it.

Escape from Intimacy by Anne Schaf.

I have faith in you, that you will find your strength.

It's not in him.

With love and much comfort from one who has been there, feeling trapped in a terrible bottomless obsession...know that it will ease. Trust time when you can't trust yourself.

Trust time, breathe and eat and walk, and trust time.

hugs,
hops

[Hopalong]

I was just thinking...a reatreat.
What a capital idea.

But of course, I would recommend a women's retreat...a support and healing event that does focus on the particular wounds of women. They vary, just as we all do, but there is SUCH comfort and courage and inspiration to be found in women, when you have sacrificed so much of your happiness not knowing it is good to be who you are.

Google away!

love
Hops

[debkor]

Hi Spy,

I think you have had plans...just didn't know it yet... I read it in this post...I have been following what you have been writing...about how you stopped your writing class...and wondered if you even remember how to cook...and I thought..now there's my girl...she questioning..she is thinking about her likes..her wants..and knew you were on your way back to you...like you say..You Have Plans....

You will be alright... I have been hearing you...and you sound good and you sound strong...it will really be alright.  And surprise!!! On my thread..about my week...I just invited everyone on a world tour to visit each other and then on to France with you...and you worried about being lonely...(lol)...But all joking aside Spy..you are doing just fine...I wish you peace in your heart...

Love
Deb

[Gaining Strength]

Spy - I am so amazed by you - you are doing so well.  I know you are still hurting but you are also beginning to do important things to take care of yourself.  You are beginning to see how strong you really are and most important you do see that you deserve better than him.  I so love that the man from the conference asked if you would be interested in having a drink.  HE clearly sees in you more than he who made you feel so ugly.  You got something that others see in you and I predict that you will begin to see more and more people letting you know that you are attractive and have so much to offer.

Way to go.  You are on a good path.  Take care.

[cats paw]

Spyralle,

  Based on the things you have said about him, you are going to be so much better following the course you have decided you must
take.  I want to say all kinds of things, but they've been covered, so I'll just add my support.

  With all you've been going through, it's not the worst thing in the world that you cried.  What else happened?  Are you able to meet with her again and have a "do-over" ?

   What do you think she means that you have not supported her for the past week?  How does that translate as far as your written job description?  I read that you're a nurse.  Are you in direct patient care, or in a different capacity?  If you're a nurse, I would think your primary responsibility is not to support her, but to manage care for your patients.  What does line management mean?  Is that another term for an evaluation?

   You don't have to answer any of my questions, I just hope you can be gentle with yourself, put this into perspective ( perspective being one of the reasons I asked some of the questions in addition to my interest) , and keep going despite what feels like those sledgehammer blows.

cats paw