Forced Communication

[gratitude28]

Since I have been overseas for so long, NM has been able to control what people think of me. She could tell them whatever she wanted - paint me any way. Now I am back and seeing my relatives and enjoying them and vice versa. SO now she is "on the run" trying to fuse together whatever she has said about me with how I really am. So... the upshot of this is that she spent two weeks with various relative on vacation. She began calling every third day or so... and I know the reason was that people know she 1) never told me about the family reunion 2) they realize she knows very little about us 3) they see that she dotes on GC. So she would call, talking over and over about whether we were safe from the hurricanes and saying the kids HAVE to stay with her when we visit. (She NEVER calls to just talk to the kids and NEVER even asks about their activities). It was a huge show. It really made me sick to talk to her. And she was all gushy "Oh, dearest, we just can't wait to be with you." Of course, she was on a two-week vacation - she has seen the kids twice since we have been here (a year and a half).
I know people realize that she is awful now. But I can't stand to be part of her little games.
Just had to get this out....
Thanks for the rant.
Love, Beth

[Ami]

I am really sorry, Beth. I know that it hurts . It hurts to have an NM. I think that we  believe that that are right about us. At least, that is what I am dealing with now.
 I feel so horrible inside,about myself.  It is a very deep worthlessness. I am trying to face it head on.
 I can hear deep pain about yourself in your words. Do you have this, too?    Ami
 

[gratitude28]

Ami,
I think it does bring out some general "yuckiness" in me, and I think before I used to feel cast aside and bewildered that she found me so unloveable. But now I know her mind and I know what matters to her (money, power, attention) so I am not feeling bad about myself. I am more irritated by the intrusion into my life to fill her little game role. But if I were to say I didn't feel like talking to her each time, it would giveher ammunition to use against me. So I have to listen and answer her pointless questions and hear her blather that she loves us (all done in a dramatic fashion for those in earshot).
I hope you will realize soon, Ami, that your NM is this way... it's not about you. It is ALL about her. You are just a fly that buzzes around sometimes. That says nothing about you. It is like the person whose eyes are closed to art or literature. They never get to see what is there, because they deem it unimportant.
Love, Beth