(Ann I am sorry this is the worst thread to try and figure out my story. I lost most of my post above.
I do have two older N sisters, one I haven't seen in over a year. Two older brothers, one I haven't seen in three years. Very disfunctional to say the least.)
Dear Ami, Shame Slayer, Ann and Hops,
I can't thank you enough, I feel friendly hands reaching out with great support and guidance. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you, I am picking up that book tomorrow.
Warning this is a vent from a day I had with my n. Warning it is my last post about our conversations because there is going to be no more.
Today was a nightmare. I spoke to Theresa my oldest n today for hours. Yes, that is correct. I asked her tons of questions about her childhood,
about her relationship with my other nsister, how our parents were with them when they were young etc...
Izzy's thread got me to look for more answers, dig a bit since we did not grow up together.
Over the summer our phone calls went from every few day to 10 days to two weeks, yes I count. lol
Her calls were diminishing, I found myself calling her just so I wouldn't the bad one. But I was proud I could go a week or so before the guilt of checking in creeped back in my head. Hard to bread old habits but I did feel I was making progress.
I also was happy she was finding other people or things to keep her busy, so I THOUGHT. WRONG!!!!!!!!!
Oh my gosh I did not know what was brewing underneath the peace I thought I had found.
I admit today I kissed her but trying to find out and bit of information of abuse, neglect, anything they had experienced to have caused such a sickness.
In between my questions she ripped my apart again, she isn't done with me as she continued her verbal attacks and lies.
Examples of our conversation.........
Her daughters sent my daughter graduation cards. Absolutely, thoughtful, generous and kind of them.
My daughter was thrilled. She sent them a thank you with in two days of receiving their gift.
She keeps complaing I didn't call her when my D received the cards. I could of given the wrong address? I was waiting to hear from you so I could tell G and C she received their cards. They know I am terrible with addresses and can make mistakes so easily. She just kept on stabbing, deeper and deeper.. how I have been disappointing her.
Next, " You know they didn't have to do that!" (send a card)
What kind of comment is that?
I expressed how thoughtful they were to think of my D.
Why not say that was nice they did that, instead of talking to me like I am or my D is an underserving piece of Sh**.
She wasn't done with me yet...................
Theresa said, "I was so disappointed you never went of G's (her adult daughter) pool this summer."
The real take, in early July my sister said her daughter wanted to have me and my girls over this summer in the pool.
I said, " We would love to come, the girls would have a ball playing with her 3 year old granddaughter."
At that point there wasn't a date made, just a future vistit to plan.
Today when my sister stated the above, I was speechless. She never called me again with an invitation, or her daughter. I just figured the summer flew by and her daughter didn't have a chance to get together, either because of being busy or the tons of rain we got.
How could I hurt her, when I was never invited? No answer required. Just venting. Was I suppose to pack up and just show up on her D doorstep? No I don't think she would of appreciated such rudeness!
I did try and reply even though I was caught off guard. I said, " It was one of many things we hoped to do, but just never happened."
She said, I don't beg anymore and I don't call more than once. Her new favorite statement.
You can't beg me if I was never asked in the first place.
I said, " Theresa we (my family) had a busy summer you know, DH nephew was in the ICU from July till end of August."
He was in grave condition, 42 years old with two beautiful children.
Sadly he passed away at the end of August. Our hearts mourn along with his children and family and friends.
Sick bit** says to me I factored that in when I was putting it all together in my mind. ( She meant I let her down by my lack of attention)
Not one bit of empathy, or understanding or a reminder of what we went through. She in insane!!!!!
Today I listen to her tell me about someone with mono. Acting like it was a family tragedy.
Also asked if I ever thought I she manages to survive on her $500 disability check each month. Motive trying to make me fee pity and guilt.
Truth, her son who lives with her gets $1000 for disability too, plus food stamps. He gives her $600. Plus money he makes below.
Truth her son who is 28 works for 5 contactors under the table. They call him off the wall. He makes more than his check at the end of the month.
Truth her friend pays for her electricity each month, she lies about the amount by $15- $20 to pocket. she is sick, greedy and ungrateful.
Truth her husband pays for their little mortgage and insurance.
Truth her and her son who pitch in together bought a flat screen tv and a gas grill this summer. I don't know but I wouldn't say they are starving.
Truth her yard is filled with flowers from spring thru thanksgiving. I mean it is the best dressed on the street. Who can do that on a disability check???
Truth many people give her money or freebees after her conning them. more $$ shes doing better than most people I know in a months time.
Sad that I know so many people deserve assistance and get denied and they have just played the system and with a hidden smile.
more....................
She again mentioned how she almost sent me a letter but decided not to because she received one and wasn't going to do that to me.
Her daughter sent her a letter, that called her bipolar, get help mom or I am out of your life etc.
All I have done is been the perfect victim. Who sadly is starting to hate her. My patience, my love for her as my sister even with this illness is being driven out of my heart.
How sad, I believe I can only love and pray for her from a very far away place.
This has been her doing, her worst enemy..................... is herself.
She said she felt slapped in the face. I didn't respond, silence, my body shaking, my voice wanting to yell F U and slam the phone.
I didn't.
Even though I have decided not to go to this party I thought now is a bad time to tell her off, because her daughter will find out the week of the party.
Her daughters would know their mother would go into a tail spin and they would suffer because she knows nothing about the party they have planned.
The few times we have argued or I spook up in the past she turned to them and they didn't like it.
They like that she has me. They don't know about Narcissism, so they don't realize what they like is that I am her supply.
The End Results may of saved the rest of my life.
This afternoon my husband and I went out for coffee. I was telling him what happened. My anxiety was through the roof.
He asked me to stop, he took my hand and asked are you cold?
No i said.
Then he says your are shaking, your voiced is stammering like you are freezing, oh my Gosh look what she has done to you. You are scaring me, calm down, take a breath.
It was like I was on speed, my heart racing my body shaking, I couldn't stop it. It took a long time to calm half way down from uncontrollable shakes.
I have never had such a physical responce to her abuse. Yes, many times have had anger, panic attacks, anxiety but never, ever to this level.
I believe the thoughts of her daughters really wayed on my heart. They are trying to do a nice thing not knowing my anguish. Not wanting to tell them their mother is a
Narc and I am done.
My niece called and left a message today, asking if we are going.
Do I tell them the truth?
Wait and give a fake excuse? So they aren't mad at the birthday girl.
(((((((((NC))))))))))) What a beautiful choice to have. AS I believe my sister disease is progressing and is dangerous to my health and my family.
((a safe place, so thankful)) seasons
