Is it wrong not to like the holidays?

[tayana]

This time of year depresses me.  It's my girlfriend's favorite time of year.  I make an effort because of my son, but I really don't like the holidays.  I could care less about decorating, singing christmas carols, and driving around looking at lights. It seems like a hypocritical time of the year when people are nice to others they wouldn't notice otherwise.  People have on their "Santa's Helper" hats and work at getting donations for the poor and needy.  They probably wouldn't bother any other time of the year.

My girlfriend told her father yesterday that she wasn't having a good Christmas because I didn't like singing carols or looking at lights.  She keeps trying to shove Christmas down my throat, and I hate that.  I feel forced to enjoy the holidays, even though all I want to do is curl up on my couch with a warm blanket and some starbucks and let it fly right on by m.e

Am I wrong not to like the holidays?  Is there some rule somewhere that says we're supposed to love the holidays and want to see all of our Kooking families.

[lighter]

I think lots of people have tough times around the holiidays, tay.

Not just you.

Lighter

[Ami]

You should trust yourself, Tay.Your feelings are yours no matter how many people are in ageement  or not.            Ami

[BonesMS]

The holidays dredge up memories of Narcississtic rages, broken promises, and family violence.  Ugh!

Bones

[Hopalong]

No, it's not wrong.
I had the same feeling of pressure because of my mother's expectations.
I put some degree of pressure on my daughter who wouldn't participate (for which I now thank her).
Only this year, with all the drastic stuff with my brother, did I COMPLETELY assign myself the right to feel untouched and unaffected by Christmas.

I still like the sacred music (but I may play it for myself in April) and polite drivers.

But I am just not jumping when the world goes HO HO HO!

Tay, hope you don't take as long as I did to realize you don't have to be yanked around by others' agendas...

love
Hops

[Gaining Strength]

You are not alone in your feelings abou the holidays.  I hope you can shrug off her dark tones about your own feelings and let her celebration just be what it is.  I hope she can allow you to just be and curl up on the sofa with "joe".

[sKePTiKal]

Tay, my desire for enjoying the holidays is a lot like yours. Put on some movies, get warm & snuggly, and watch them. Play video games. Eat what ever is easy to fix and sounds good.

Remember - I'm the one who used a potted brussel sprout in a drywall joint compound can as a christmas tree.

Christmas can be ANYTHING you want.

[Izzy_*now*]

hi tay

I am not in favour of any holday, but Xmas makes me think of N ex son-in-law more than anyone else, as to why I just don't care for any holiday.

In the area of 1987-1990 Xmases, he and my D would come to town to shop, drop the one kid or 2 kids off with me, (2 in '89) and be on their own. At shopping's end, the first time, I had a roast pork dinner ready for them, and they all ate heartily before returning to their cold one-roomed cabin, where the woodstove had burned out of wood, food to prepare by candle light and cold cold cold. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

A couple of weeks later they required another shopping trip. I was left with the children, prepared a great dinner (one can always intake the aromas even in the hallway of an apt. building) and when they came in the door, his insufferable holyness ordered the kids immediately dressed, no allowance of words from me for staying for dinner, that was ready (you see? I suppose I 'controlled' that situation once.. and once too many) into their winter coats etc., and out, out, out the door, just for them all to drive home to what I mentioned previously--- cold, dark, no meal ready-- while I had enough for all, and hot and ready.

After that, they never came at Xmas so I stopped decorating and haven't decorated since!

This year I just sent my daughter a box, with about 8 photograph albums, from her years ages 6 through 18/19 and she already has the ones of mine after that (as well as her baby album up to her 6th birthday, and I was still in hospital)  along with the kids'. I added a good book, 2 good DVDs, a crocheted bedcover she always wanted, that I made for her many years ago, but it didn't suit the farm life. I cannot bear to throw it away. I said it was up to her what she did with it, tablecloth? knows someone who would like a ¾ bed cover? (her idea from when she had a ¾ bed at home with me.), a set of 2 decks of StarWars playing cards, for a special game I taught her, an honest to god barnacle from the Pacific Ocean that I found in 1998 (looked great with my bathroom knick-knacks) and 3 lovely leatherette picture frames that she gave to me with the kids' pictures many years ago, like 11?, as I know she has the same and can now match more pictures to hers with my frames.

Cost was only $50.21 for door To door Express, 2000 miles.

I hope she approves. I did not feel Xmasy, just that I was giving her things that I hoped she would enjoy.

We are entitled to our own feelings for our own reasons, and I now seldom think of ex SIL--he was just the begiinning of "Me -No -Likee-Hollidays!"

do your own thing!

Love
Izzy

       (happy scroogedaze!)

[lighter]

I like that Izzy....

"do your own thing."

Creating new traditions, that don't remind you of unpleasant things....

is better.

Having someone else's idea of Chirstmas stuffed down your pipes, like tay's dealing with, isn't pleasant either. 

I wish she and M could relax and enjoy things they'd like, in their own time and way.... without pressure to DO DO DO someone else's idea of Chirstmas.

M's the child..... not the girlfriend, after all.

Lighter

[teartracks]

Hi Tayana,

As I read your opening post, I remembered the sweet Christmas you had with your son, I think it was two Christmases ago.  That was right after you'd found your own place.  You posted a photo of the tree here and told us how wonderful it was being able to be just the two of you and how he helped with the tree, etc. 
I hope somehow you can recapture that and make some really sweet memories for you and him.

Hugs,

tt

[debkor]

Hi Tay,

I don't know about somethings.  I noticed that people are just as nasty as they are if it's not the holidays (if not more).  The one thing I have noticed about the holidays is that I do notice the people who are like they are on the holiday all year long. 

There is one woman who I just found out that is 86  years old.  She greets everyone at the door in the store (all year long) she stops you and makes you aware of sales and this door is closing at such a time to use the other, ect.  I always stop and listen even if she has told me the same thing the day before.  Some people are very rude and totally ignore her and roll their eyes.  Everyone is in such a hurry. 

Last week I had a lengthy conversation with her.  I even felt her hands worried they were cold since she was so close to the door.
She happened to be an E.R nurse for many years.  She is absolutely beautiful and must have been drop dead beautiful in her younger years.  She spoke about her husband who picks her up everynight since the crime rate has gone up.  She gave me flyers to make sure I would not miss a sale.  She spoke of her sister and said how blessed she has been with health. 

I totally enjoyed her with her little Santa Hat on.  That to me is the holidays...There was nothing about Ho, Ho, Ho, and Merry Christmas....and I got to not miss it.  I captured the moment....no lights, no music ...Just the little Ole greeter at the door that no one ever took the time to talk to and missed out on so much.  She was one of those people, ya know, the ones that just make you feel good to be around...the people that give you that comfort and warm feeling like your under a warm blanket with a story to tell. 

Those are how I see my holidays.  There is always someone always who touches my heart and teaches me something about slowing down and capturing the moment...not the lights, the music, or the ho' ho' Ho's....a total stranger.

Now of course, I have to do the lights, the tree, etc., I have children but I really do like the memory of this woman I will keep always with me and our conversation and even touching hands.  She was so pleasant and real.  Nice memory.

Create and celebrate your own not someone else's.  Sure we have to go along with somethings but then we have our own little special ones even if we don't feel we have to celebrate it at all with lights, and music, or even kooky family, a total stranger has given me a gift and does not even know it. I just really enjoyed her and she had so much to give which didn't cost anyone a dime and it all had to do with (time) to just stop ...and eventually we were touching hands..and it was a comfortable feeling.  It was nice. 

Love
Deb