I told you about the difficulty I was having with my son. Yesterday, I finished writing the letter, I decided to write my son, Nick. I told him I loved him and I cared for him and because I loved him so much, I felt that things had to change. I mentioned, I wasn't being fair letting him pay no board. I said he needed to start realising what it is like living in the real world, where most people pay board, rent, or pay off mortgages. I set a figure for board, which is about market rates. I said he had to realise that unless he helped contribute to the cost of our house, I would have to sell the house or evict him and get a tenant. I also mentioned that next year when I turn 60, I am going to retire and I will be selling the house.
I then went on to say that I feared for his safety because of the way he went about his social business. I mentioned that there were consequences for not paying parking fines, speeding tickets, etc. I told him about the 18 year old boy, who didn't pay his fines and was given 5 days jail. During his detention, he was beaten up and suffered irreparable brain damage. This case made headlines all over the country, and the practice has been changed but he wont know that. I produced a newspaper report about the case.I told him about the dangers of being placed in jail or at the Remand Centre, where remandees rape each other. I enclosed a report in the paper here in Canberra, where a 49 year old remandee raped a 19 year old boy, who was there on periodic detention. I produced a sentencing report, handed down last week, for a man caught drink driving. Not only was he fined but he lost his licence. He was also charged with being in possession of illegal drugs.
I told him about my friend's son, who smoked cannabis from the age of 18. He is now 32 and suffers from emphysema. I enclosed a recent report on smoking cannabis and the effect it has on people, because they inhale for longer. I said I wasn't telling him these things because I wanted to be nasty but rather because I feared for his safety. I explained, I knew he was young and wanted to experiment but I felt he needed to be aware of what reality is.
I jammed the letter and enclosures in his door. Later I noticed, he was home and he had the light on for a long time so I presume, he was digesting what I had said.
Of course, despite knowing that I had to do something to stop his behaviour, I did worry that he wouldn't like me anymore. I feel like a scared little girl, who doesn't like disapproval, no matter how displayed. I haven't seen him today and he has gone out so I don't know what his response is going to be. I know I did the right thing, even though I do feel like a bit of bitch.
Thanks to everyone, who offered suggestions. I really appreciated having my eyes open to dealing with the problem in a lot of different ways. I told a friend that initially, I had reacted and read the riot act, and nothing happened. However, I think that by writing a letter telling him I love him and I fear for his safety and why, I might get a better response. Time will tell.
Once again thanks for your comments. I found them extremely relevant.
Kim in Oz
