Hi GS, thank you for responding to me. I'm feeling a bit lonely.
It seems with the NM's out there everything is so calculated. I imagine the new commandment message was meant to get directly to you.
The Golden Child
I think the only times I misted up any after his death, were memories of some old pictures we came up with when my younger brother died a yr. ago. There were some pics of all three of us. I felt sorrow for the very little, innocent boy that my older brother once was. But most later memories in adolescence, teens etc. I push the memories away.
He enlisted in the military when everyone else was being drafted. He ended up doing some kind of secret service work while enlisted. Everyone thought he was so great. The golden child.
I tried to help him in early adulthood, after he returned home from the military in ’70. I was married, fairly secure in my life, I forgave him in my heart (or deeply buried it & called it forgiveness) for years of abuse, and I tried to help him, realizing that he was sick. He was very mentally off balance. Later he married and there were many miles between us. It was easy to be civil. Through his adult life he was in and out of the VA Hospital. He either looked crazed or stoned. He raised 3 somewhat warped kids
By chance or whatever, he ended up living w/ my youngest son a few yrs ago, after my son was discharged from the Navy. In front of me, at my home, one day he made the mistake of badmouthing my son…
All hell broke lose, it came from within me, it was a raging monster of fury, anger and hate. It just all came out of me like a tornado. Right there where we were standing in my carport while they were getting in the car was a tire crow bar within my reach. They were leaving my home, my son already in my brother's car. I picked up the crow bar and started to swing as I went after my brother. As he got behind the open door and ducked into the car I saw my Son's face looking right into my eyes. Somehow in that instant, in my Son's eyes I saw not only him, but also my other children, blood, death and prison. I immediately changed direction of my swing and smashed my brothers windshield instead of his head. I was still connected to my Son's eyes. I can still see the look on his face.
My brother hit my neighbor's car across the street as he backed out and sped off. A few moments later my son came running back from around the corner. That same look on his face, he had never seen me like that before. I was crying, still with the crow bar, I think I just said, “He pissed me off.” I laid it down and said, “He will never hurt one of my kids. ”
He eventually after living in the streets, went cross-country to NM’s house. He spent his last few years living on the streets, with NM or one of his Son's, VA Hosp, here and there. He would spend his $800 disability in a week or so, and then the rest of the month bum cigarettes and food at McDonald's. He died at his youngest Son's apartment. He choked to death eating a raw potato. I'm sure there was plenty of cooked food there. It's too bad the frightful look on his face will be embedded in my nephew's brain for life.
Lovely story huh?
Thank you for the chance to vent a little.
(((GS)))
