Both of My Parents are N's

[Ami]

I have finally seen the condition(N) as it is. They have no empathy,no feeling for others.
Who am I now?
I hope that I can find the parts of me that make me human and become a whole person.
 Ami

[SilverLining]

Hi Ami.  Over the past few years I've come to the same conclusion about my parents.  There are superficial differences in personality, but they have the self absorption in common.   It had me confused for a lot of years, because my mother is more of an outgoing type, while my father seems borderline autistic.  N-ism is the tie that binds I suppose...        For you and me, recognition is a major leap toward wholeness.

[sKePTiKal]

You will figure it all out Ami...
what I find amazing, is how a good dose of participating in "normal" life - as we ourselves choose to define that - can become the real tools needed to "break the spell" of the distortions and untruths we grew up believing about ourselves.

Bad parenting - while it seems horribly painful and insurmountable emotionally - really doesn't have to get in anyone's way of being who they want to be; living as they want to live. We each find our own paths to that particular fact and we get there in our own good time.

[seasons]

I have finally seen the condition(N) as it is. They have no empathy,no feeling for others.
Who am I now?
I hope that I can find the parts of me that make me human and become a whole person.
 Ami

Having both parents be N's must be a very painful realization to you, ((Ami)). If I remember correctly they don't live close to you, do you talk to them on a weekly, monthly basis?
Are they in your face or have they dropped of the face of the earth (no interest in your life etc.)?  Either way can be filled with pain and rejection.

Do you mean becoming whole with them in your life or out of your life. Or do you mean healing from the scars your parents have left you with?
Just trying to make sure I understand where you are coming from and where you want to go.

Sorry again to hear your pain but happy to feel your hope.
 seasons ox

[Ami]

Dear Seasons
 I mean getting whole within myself  i.e. healing from N damage enough to feel whole in my own identity. N's wipe you clean. Your self esteem shrinks to no man's land.
 I want to have the confidence and joy for life that I had a long time ago. That is what I mean by healing from N damage.
 Thanks  Seasons ,Phoenix and Silver Lining. I appreciate your posts.                    Ami

[seasons]

quote,amber
what I find amazing, is how a good dose of participating in "normal" life - as we ourselves choose to define that - can become the real tools needed to "break the spell" of the distortions and untruths we grew up believing about ourselves.

Thanks Ami,

I really appreciate the truth in what Amber stated above. It is a gift we can give ourselves. It is a lot of work after many years of being brainwashed to believe so many lies.
Yet we know they are all lies. You are deserve to be free of all that toxic waste.
I need to repeat that to myself over and over again.

Ami I believe in your strength......... to heal and be happy. It your right!!!        Love, seasons

[Ami]

It really IS toxic waste, Seasons. That is a good way to look at it.                     Love and Peace to you,   Ami

[debkor]

Hey Ami,

What worked for me is instead of listening to what N is talking about (if you still talk to them) and trying to apply it to the conversation and respond or defend or ....Just listen to them talk when and if you can without applying it to effect you and you will see how Stupid they really sound.

You will figure it all out Ami...

You already have!!

Now your just Pissed and Rightfully So.....Get Mad!

Letting things Go:::

 Shock, Sorrow, Anger, Acceptance, Letting it Go..Put it to rest...And Peace!

Your almost there Ami.

Love  to you
Deb

[Ami]

Thank you Deb for your post. I feel understood by what you said. That means a lot to me.                      Love to you,  Ami

[Anastasia]

I've made a thousand jokes about both my biological parents--both of whom were total N's--i.e., they were so in love.  Him with him.  Her with her.  You get the idea.
Of course, you can make yourself whole.  Just keep working on yourself.  It may take years, but it's worth it.  And one day, hopefully, you won't feel so connected to them and won't allow their craziness to rub off on you so much.  If I can do it...you can do it.  Best!

[Ami]

 Some days I feel hopeful to be who I want to be. Thank you so much for your post, Anastasia.                        Ami