The return of N Mom

[tayana]

My partner and I have worked things out with the help of our T, and things were going well, until we to my parents to get the rest of my stuff.

After this N mom decided to return to harassing and stalking me.  She started calling at work again, even though I've asked her not to.  For a little while, she would just call and try to make chit chat, then she finally called and told me that I was hurting M, that H was nothing but a leech (not true), that the life we have is no life for a child, etc.  She then went on to tell me that I'm not really gay, I'm just trying to get attention, and H has just convinced me I'm gay.  I was at work, and in no position to respond to her.  I called back when I went home to tell her not to call me at work (again) and set boundaries.  She wasn't home, so I left a message.  She ended up calling me back at work to tell me she would be suing and calling DFS because we were abusing M.  She accused us of molesting him, etc.  None of which happened.

So, I filed a restraining order against her so she can't contact us anymore.  I just want her to leave us alone.  Overall, we are happy, and we haven't missed her influence.  The last time M saw her he wanted to leave because she started saying bad things about me.  I'm really nervous about the whole court date, and seeing her in court. 

It's for the best, I know, I just wish it didn't have to come to this.

[Gaining Strength]

Wow - that's an aweful lot to have on your plate.  I feel the burden of it when I read your post.

Let me start by saying how sad I am that your mother is so mean and that she is missing out on your remarkable being and that of your son.  There is so clearly something wrong with her and as many of us have written here often - at no age does the pain of rejection by a parent not hurt.  It hurts and it hurts deeply. 

I am finding from many different sources that going back and working with the part of me at a young age who was deeply hurt actually helps me.  It is difficult for those of us who have experienced emotional abuse over a lenghty period of time.  It is difficult but not impossible.

I think you are wise to take the legal steps available to protect yourself from more emotional assault from your mother.  Once you are protected by law continue to have the courage to open up and look at the wounding that occurred at other times in your life and do what is available to you to provide healing and comfort.

There is no way that your court date is not scary.  We all know that truth does not always win out - that said, work hard on staying true to yourself and on keeping your eye on the best end result for you and your son.  Practise in your mind what it will feel like and if that exercise results in negative feelings towards your mother work on letting that stuff slide.  Like it or not, the most painful lesson for me has been that my resentment and negative feelings towards my parents actually is a poison that I take and damages only me - not them.

I am thinking of you and sending all the best wishes and thoughts of support for you and M and H.

PS - so glad to hear that things are working well for you and H.  Good for you - you deserve it.

[lighter]

((tay))  I wish there was some way to have had 3rd party pick up your belongings but M would probably have been triggered anyway.

Too bad she had your numbers..... too bad she got through.

With everything else you're dealing with.....

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Take care.
 

[Hopalong]

(((((((((Tay))))))))))

A restraining order is an awesome boundary.

I'm very impressed and inspired.

Yes.

You stand up for yourself.

You are finally stopping her from hurting you (and M).

YAY.

love
Hops