Author Topic: Getting Well Emotionally  (Read 1390 times)

Ami

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Getting Well Emotionally
« on: July 15, 2009, 09:42:26 AM »
I have been studying Alice Miller for  years. I finally see what she has been saying about why we get so emotionally unhealthy.She says to follow your heart(gut). Your heart knows the truth of you and your life.
In an N family, you had to throw out your heart and distort reality or you probably would have gone insane.
 In order to get emotionally healthy, you have to reverse this and follow the still small voice of your heart until the reality of yourself kicks in and you can see that you were OK all along.
 It was the N who made you distort your whole self  to fit them.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2009, 10:41:11 AM by Ami »
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: Getting Well Emotionally
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2009, 10:52:16 AM »
Hi Ami,

"In an N family, you had to throw out your heart and distort reality or you probably would have gone insane."

It is called conforming. It is good to see that you are still reading Alice Miller. I have been away from thinking too much about N's these days but something came up in my life that reminded me of the insanity of living with an N and the frustration.

That is correct about  "following the still small voice of your heart" even when that voice is telling you to run, it is most likely just the child's voice inside you that is terrified because she can see the reality with her heart and she gets how scary the N's are.

Ami

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Re: Getting Well Emotionally
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2009, 02:06:11 PM »
So nice to see you, Gabben.
 I have been able to find support for my true buried self and it is coming up as my real self.
 The NM cannot see you and thus you cannot see yourself or worse she sees YOU are her bad self . So you take this horriblel, heavy coat of HER picture of you out in to the world.
 Under it is a beautiful soul in all of us.                   Ami
 
 
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: Getting Well Emotionally
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2009, 03:45:04 PM »
"she sees YOU are her bad self" Right. It is the projection of her unwanted disowned self. The NM defines your personhood growing up and the task is to own back your personhood through self ownership of our ideas, beliefs and even our own N traits and faults that resemble our mother's; it is quite a task to weed through all, the question being what is mine stuff and what was hers. I can so relate. I still have blind spots, my own anger is always one blinding force in my life.

My NM defined my realty for me as well as who I was. It is the peeling of the onion layer that we so talked about here. And, as you said, underneath all of those nasty smelly layers is a beautiful soul.

I, like you, have stared hard at the ugly parts of self long enough to allow them to lose their power over me in terms of shame, at least not has much shame as in the past. That has been the trick, the more that I could see me, looking at me first, the more clearly I could see the abuse of my mom and others clearly for what it was, I think that I had to shed or weed my "ugly coats" first before I could start to see my NM mom clearly and then forgive her more.


Ami

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Re: Getting Well Emotionally
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2009, 07:30:43 PM »
You understand what I am getting at, Lise. Tonight I went out . As I heal, I see how I used to be and how I am now.
 Before, I used to need others to verify my very existence. Who was I if I was not liked and accepted?
 I saw others as having answers in life and I did not.
 I saw some people as perfect and I as flawed.
 I have made progress but have more to go to get back to the time when I felt that I was OK with or without outside approval.
 That is my goal. It is nice to have a place to discuss these things. I appreciate being on the Board.        Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: Getting Well Emotionally
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2009, 08:07:24 PM »
Ami,

I can sense a tremendous amount of progress with you sense I have last been on the board. I love your honesty, as I always did.

Lise

Ami

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Re: Getting Well Emotionally
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2009, 09:48:01 AM »
Thank you, Lise.
 I finally feel as if I am truly going forward.
 Nothing means more than getting back your sense of self. It is so precious.  I can see much growth in you, too.         Ami             
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Ami

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Re: Getting Well Emotionally
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2009, 10:02:06 AM »
The hardest thing for me is being "selfish"ie caring and loving myself , first. I keep feeling like I am "bad" but I must persist b/c I think this is an important step to regaining emotional health. What do you think?        Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung