Hi GS,
I'm jumping in your thread here a little late but I wanted to let you know I have read through and am holding this in compassionate prayer for you. I can so relate to all that you wrote about feeling isolated, tired and like you are in a sinking hole, that sense of hopelessness.
You said:
"One is the sense of having to do everything by myself and the other is feeling belittled. It is the inadequacy and the condemnation that I have carried around since childhood. Those two can be iterated in dozens of ways but ultimately I need to overcome and heal them. That is it - strait and narrow."
This makes perfect sense for me. As a child, like you, I too was neglected emotionally and mentally I think that the pain of that sense of being left to takecare of ourselves when we were so small and vulnerable gets buried deep and then gets triggered by the very painful life experience that you just had with these mothers and the challenge of parenting your son. The belittlement that we experienced as a child is frustratingly painful because at the same time we had to emotionally defend ourselves, lift our ownselves up as tiny children, then, we had parents who constantly sent us a message that we were inadequate and NOT capable.
Hope this help,
Lise
